Neptune's Inside Story
by Chisaku
Summary: (A DracoXChisaku collab) From lounging in the park to roaming the Mushroom Kingdom, The Purple Sisters never seem to get a break nowadays. Mario and Luigi aren't faring any better once they end up in the Hyperdimension and can't get home, because nobody CAN UNDERSTAND THEM!
1. Bar Whore Returns!

**(An Outcast Dragon Production)**

 **Chisaku and DracoSlayer95 Proudly Present:**

 **Neptune's Inside Story**

Gamindustri, a land of video games, technology, and of course, cute girls with short skirts. Two of these girls in particular, a short purple-haired girl by the name of Neptune and her younger, but somehow taller than her, sister, Nepgear, were enjoying a fine day in the parks of Planeptune. It was a very enjoyable way to spend time, now if only they had brought more pudding so the two could enjoy their time to the max. "Nepu…"

"What's wrong, sis?"

"Nep Jr, we're out of pudding already." Alas, it was quite a shame that they were out. It was such a beautiful day, and yet, it was ruined with a single untimely event. A sigh heaved from the CPU of Purple Progress, as she collapsed onto the ground with a soft 'thud' enveloping the surrounding area. "It's such a nice day too…"

"You're right… it is…" The younger, taller, CPU took a seat next to her sister, bringing her knees closer to her chest. For a moment, she let the wind blow in her face, taking in the breeze and just all around enjoying the peacefulness that was today. For a moment her eyes started to feel heavy, like she could fall asleep any moment… So sleepy… So very sleepy.

"Jr? You look kinda-" Before the shorter CPU could finish her sentence her little sister fell onto her lap, having fallen into a peaceful slumber. The air felt stagnant, as if something had stopped the breeze that once blissfully danced around the pair. A bad feeling shot up Neptune's spine.

"AHAHAHAHA!" The sound of a loud cackle ripped into the air, Neptune knew that melodramatic laughter anywhere.

"Bar Whore!" Of course, she never was very good with names.

"Who are you calling Bar Whore?!" And from seemingly out of nowhere, a pale-skinned witch appeared. A witch that was known as the CPU's (self-proclaimed) greatest enemy.

"Mmmm… What's going…" Stirring from her sleep, the young Nepgear slowly sat up from her sleep and turned to look at what had so rudely awakened her. "Arfoire!"

"That's right now-" Suddenly, the witch stopped, looking rather taken aback all of a sudden. "Just now, what did you just call me?"

"Wha… Arfoire?"

"Could you say that one more time?"

"Arfoire."

"OOOHH!" All of a sudden, the witch burst into tears, confusing the hell out of the two sisters. "It's been so long since someone got it right! It's always Bar Whore or Hag or even Old Lady!"

"Uhhh… Arfie, I don't mean to interrupt your little monologue here, but we kinda have a plot to progress." While Neptune may have been known for her silliness, she wasn't very patient either, they had a plot to get rolling after all.

"Shut up you little brat!"

"Geez, what crawled up your butt and died… Or maybe… Maybe it's still alive and it's wriggling all over the place, that'd definitely make someone grumpy."

Visible anger lines (and a few wrinkles) ripped into the old witch's face as a few veins popped up. "Why the hell are you assuming things like that?!"

"Oh wait, I think there's an ointment for that, Miss Arfoire." Serving to make the witch even angrier, Nepgear chimed in with her usual innocence… How quaint.

"That's it!" The witch's sudden outburst caused the two purple sister to jump to their feet, somehow surprised that she could get so angry this easily. Almost like she was trying to dethrone a certain flat-chested friend they had for the prize of "Shortest Temper" or something like that. A four-pronged spear materialized in Arfoire's hand, an aggressive position formed from her stance.

Neptune and Nepgear responded in kind by bringing out their own weapons, Neptune's being a nifty looking katana with a D-pad shaped crossguard, whilst Nepgear brought out her beam sword.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Mushroom Kingdom, our favorite two heroes were standing before the large and regal castle, the doors beginning to open.

"Hey! Mario! Hurry, hurry!"

Leaping into action, the red clad (retired) plumber made a great leap, jumping into the castle grounds. "Wahoo!" Turning around, he jumped twice, calling out for his younger brother.

"Yah!" The anti-climactic entrance of the younger brother was pitiful, hopping in on one leg while trying to pull up his own overalls. He face-planted, only to pick himself back up again and fix his clothes.

"It's a meeting, a big meeting! You've got to hurry, please!" The toad urged the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom. "Everyone's waiting, Mario! They're in the conference hall." He turned only to then address Luigi. "...Oh, Luigi came too, super."

Deciding it best to move along, the two brothers walked in after the eccentric toad, finding themselves in the meeting held by Princess Peach herself. Of course there were a few other familiar faces as well, such as a certain old toad…

"Ah, Master Mario! And Master Luigi!" Good old Toadsworth greeted the bros. as he usually would. "We've awaited your arrival! Let us resume the meeting."

The two bros., along with everyone else, quickly took their seats, allowing the meeting to resume in full swing.

"Now then, going on what little information we've unearthed…" The first to speak was a toad doctor seated next to Mario. "The cause MAY be a mushroom sold by a local merchant."

"Oh dear! A mushroom?" The news was troubling to the princess. "You mean to tell me that a mushroom causes the blorbs?"

"Well yeah, we interviewed all the blorbed toad we could… And they all said they'd bought Blorb Mushrooms."

"Blorb Mushrooms?" Toadsworth was next, voicing his concerns. "Perplexing… Not a local variety, of that I'm quite sure. What sort of rapscallion would sell such a thing?"

"Well, according to one witness, it was a fellow in a cape… All signs point to the suspect not being from this kingdom."

"Well… Whoever he is, he's our only lead." The next to speak was… Yellow floating bob-omb(?) with a star above its head-er, body… Its form, a star floating above its form. "So it's decided, let's go find him."

"Master Mario! Master Luigi! Your hour is at hand!" Toadsworth once again chiming in. "Go and stomp this fellow as if he were Bowser."

"GWAHAHA!" Speaking of Bowser. "Did someone just page the King of Awesome?" At the sight of the great Koopa King, all toads and Mario did the first thing that came to mind. "PEACH!" They ran. "So I'm an outcast (like a certain co-author), huh?! What'd I do to deserve this ?!"

With a swing of his fist, Bowser broke apart the table of the conference room and stomped his way over to Peach.

"What are you doing here?! We're in an important meeting! The kingdom's in danger!"

"Gee, PARDON ME! Guess what? I live here your royal genius! I've got as much right to be in this meeting to be in this meeting as anyone! I mean, right? Help me out here! Toadsworth! Back me up!"

"That… Erm… That's… Well..." It was at this point that the yellow… Thingie answered in Toadsworth's place.

"Don't be ridiculous! You have no right to be here! Get out!"

Of course, Bowser being Boswer...

"Crud!" Didn't take it very well, if him spewing fire towards Peach was any indication. If it weren't for Mario's quick reflexes and Luigi's… Luigi's sleepiness… Peach would have been fried. "MAAARIO! Are you seriously trying to start with me again?! I hear about this big meeting, and I'm all ready to act nice… But man, the second I see your face, Mr. nice Bowser is GONE! Yeah, forget the dumb meeting! I'll pummel you and grab Peach!" The fight began, the two butting heads like always.

* * *

"Ha! Do you even Nep, Bro?"

"Tch…!" The witch jumped back, narrowly avoiding tag-team duo attack of the CPU sisters. It was at this point that Arfoire had had enough. A small cube-like device was produced from her backside, (though Neptune assumed that it was from her inventory), and pressed the large red button on it. "I'll end this he-!" As if all was planned, the device malfunctioned, a large blue hole burst into existence. Within seconds, Arfoire had already disappeared into the void, the vacuum sucking in the surrounding unsecured items.

"Nepu! Jr!" Neptune's arms shot out, one grabbing onto the pole light conveniently placed nearby, while the other latched onto her little sister's arm. "Don't let go!"

"Goodness, why would I, Sis?!"

"... I don't know, maybe for dramatic effect?" No, Neptune would always make a joke even in the most dire of situations. Orchestrated to the tee, the older CPU's arms gave out, too much pudding and video games softening the muscles. The two were sent flying into the blue hole, only to watch it close behind them.

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: It's been a long time, but our collab is finally a thing!**

 _Chisaku: This took...maybe a few months from planning to finish. I'm happy xD_

 **Draco: Hopefully it won't take as long to finish… Oh who am I kidding, frankly I'd be surprised if we even get to the halfway point before Christmas.**

 _Chisaku: Well, you could say that our laptops froze if it does take that long!_

 **Draco: … Your puns hurt me, they physically hurt me.**

 _Chisaku: So I guess words CAN break your bones. I've been using sticks and stones for too long!_

 **Draco: Really? I've been using knives and swords. I need to get on that!**

 _Chisaku: You are quite the sharp one, who knows how to get to the point._

 **Draco: Well, thanks for reading, everyone!**

 _Chisaku: See you next time!_

 _So, we heading to Italy for drinks?_

 **Draco: You know it!**


	2. Vac-Shrooms

It stands to reason that Bowser was not a weak Koopa… However, lounging around for so long doing nothing but eating meat isn't exactly a great way to prepare for a fight with Mario of all people. "No… What… Happened… Where are my skills? That was not my "A" game… I mean, I've lost before but not THAT easily…"

What nobody had realized was two beings, one of pink and one of gold, were both standing (and floating?) behind the evil king, a reassuring aura surrounding them. "Yes! It was my star power and Peach's wish power! It weakened you, didn't it?!"

The realization hit harder than any of Mario's old attacks, his Hammers that always went missing, or the time when he threw Luigi at him full force (because there's no such thing as sibling abuse in the Mushroom Kingdom). "Whuh… What…" Voice now hoarser than a baby horse, Bowser strained to push himself up, only to feel everything weaken again.

"All right! Peach! Let's clean up the mess!"

An ever so soft ringing came from Peach's direction, as her hand lifted along with the Koopa King. With a single swift movement, he was flung out the castle, a Bowser-shaped hole now ingrained into the ceiling and two walls. As for why Peach never thought to use this power against him more often… Was anyone's guess. "Thank you, Mario. You've saved me once again. Thank you."

And so, in return for the plumber's heroic actions in saving the princess yet again, he received his usual reward of a kiss on the cheek (though he was wishing for some "cake" as well).

* * *

"Hey!"

Darkness.

"Hey!"

Light?

"Wake up!"

"Rgh…" The scenery now was a great forest, a soft clearing where he had landed.

"That oughta fix you up." Kamek, one of Bowser's many trustworthy minions spoke very calmly, her staff in hand.

"Those guys make me so MAD! Gah! It does NOT end like this!" Rage boiling, the Koopa King's head was back into gear with how to execute his next plan. "I'm going back to that castle and kidnapping Peach for real!"

"Unless… Mario's there, in which care he'll once again kick-"

"DON'T SAY THAT NAME!" The king of koopas could hardly contain his rage, to the point where it spewed forth in the form of his fiery breath. Luckily, no trees caught fire… Somehow. "Just thinking about it makes me RAGE!"

"Whoa… Chill out…" Donning her broom, Kamek began to levitate up again. Soon afterwards, flying off into the comedically placed sunrise.

"I'll chill nothing! I'm going to Peach's castle now!" On second thought after taking a quick scan of the area, only more rage built up. "Wait, where am I anyway?" Taking a step forward into the conveniently placed path, Bowser came to a trail of some sort, rocks and boulders in his path.

"Your Surliness!" Back came Kamek from near roasting to death. "There's a ton of boulders scattered around here. Use your fists to shatter them, and you can find a way through." Again, she turned tail and flew off back into the horizon with the sun.

"Hmph…" Walking up to the first boulder, Bowser raised his beefy arm, slamming his fist into it. A satisfying 'crack' came from it as it disintegrated into pure nothingness. Looks like it really was only the weird powers and not lounging around. He cleared multiple boulders, ignoring the way right and headed south. Who needs a compass when you've got Bowser senses after all. He'd been thrown out of Peach's castle that he knew at fifty different ways to get there. Now if only he'd put that much effort into something else, then the Mushroom Kingdom would be a much more peaceful place.

"Your Grouchiness!"

'I want to kill you for that.'

In flew Kamek again, only to stop right in front of the Koopa King. "This is a pretty dense forest, you oughta use your fire to burn trees." (Remember kids, forest fires are bad, don't light wildlife on fire!) "Careful, though. If you breathe flames for too long, you'll get tuckered out." After a few short words, Kamek flew off again, still ignoring the possibility of an uncontrollable forest fire.

Not a single care in the world, Bowser simply opened his mouth and rained death upon the trees, watching them burn into nothingness within seconds. Luckily, other trees didn't catch fire despite how close they were together. A path revealed to the southwest, in which he took. "Huh?" A hooded shadowed zipped off in front of him, a pipe in view distance. He took chase.

"YAY! A WINNER IS YOU!" He was soon halted by a high-pitched voice nearby. As the king approached, he realized that the voice had come from an odd, short hooded figure.

"What? Win what?!" Utterly dumbfounded, Bowser sized up the odd looking booth.

"JACKPOTTING!" The hooded figure responded as eccentrically as one might expect from… Actually, nobody in the Mushroom Kingdom was quite that eccentric.

"Your Burliness! What's going on?!" In walked Kamek who was no longer on her broom despite flying off just now… Or was this a different Kamek?

"The customer has luck! And with luckiness comes a tasty Lucky Shroom" The hood-wearing figure held up an oddly colored mushroom for all eyes to see.

"A Lucky Shroom?" The weird coloring slightly triggered something in Bowser, like an uncanny sort of feel. Mm...canned mushrooms. "I didn't even buy anything! What's this about jackpotting?!" (Remember kids, don't gamble, it's bad for you).

"Do not have worries for details! No, do not have the worries!" Whoever this guy was, one thing was clear to the koopa king… He had a funny way of talking. "Have the wonderful Lucky Shroom of tastiness instead! Scoff this down and your luck will power up to super luck! Luck enough to beat Mario!"

"Beat Mario?! Seriously?!" Wait, why does this figure even know Mario? Maybe he's a bigger celebrity… No, Bowser would dethrone him easily, even if it meant eating a weird mushroom.

"I say to you YES! With every attack, lucky hits will shower in a happy waterfall! You will have such fury! Your strongest enemies will fold like napkins who are crying!" Napkins who are crying? Where did this guy come up with this stuff?

"Your Beefiness! Dude is WEIRD. Don't eat that thing , seriously."

"What, didn't you hear him? It'll help me beat Mario! Duh!" Letting off a little anger felt nice digging into Kamek. Bowser then turned back to the figure holding the mushroom. "You! Weirdo! Gimme that Lucky Shroom!"

"Oh, yes, of course! ENJOY THE EATING!"

Bowser held the mushroom up to bask in its glory for a moment. He step forward, away from the booth and dropped the Lucky Shroom into his mouth, chewing it and giving it a good swallow. "Hurf! BUURF?!" His meaty hands shot for his mouth, a horrible feeling on the inside.

"What's wrong?! Your Queasiness! I told you not to snack on that thing!" Kamek turned to the hooded figure. "Hey! You creepy little weasel! What did you feed Bowser?!"

"AHAHAHAHAH!" The cloaked figure laughed aloud, removing his cloak and revealing a little green man in a snazzy red outfit. "Such easiness! So easy it gives me the gleeful chortles! I have such strategy! And now for the leaving. You are having a date with Peach's castle!" In a matter of seconds, the little green man was gone, floating away on an odd platform device.

"HAARGH!" A huge vacuum ripped everything surrounding Bowser into his mouth, as he constantly inhaled instead of barfing. He kept on breathing, until he felt his lungs fill. "Hrgh…!" He stepped forward, moving along to Peach's Castle.

* * *

Toads, houses, warp pipes, blocks, monsters, everything was sucked into Bowser as he moved closer and closer to the Castle, inhaling the doors of the castle itself and entering. "HUURGH!" The doors to the conference room opened, into his mouth came Toadsworth.

"Whoa!"

"HAARGH!"

"NEPU!" Time seemed to stop as two portals ripped open, one on both sides of Mario. Out came a lilac-purple haired girl, slamming into the plumber, sending him into the next portal. In a split second, she too disappeared into Bowser's vacuum.

Bowser stepped forward, another burst of suction erupting as only dust and air entered again. He moved forward again, noticing the sleeping brother. He opened his mouth, the suction powers activating as if on command.

"WAH!" Luigi jolted awake, only to find himself beginning to float. He flailed his limbs furiously, futilely as he slowly drew closer and closer to Bowser.

"Goodness!" Another two portals ripped open on either side of the taller brother, who was slammed into the second portal. Out the first portal came another lilac-purple haired girl, only her hair was longer than the first and significantly taller. Alas, her fate was the same as the rest, disappearing into the depths of Bowser's stomach.

"Gwa ha ha! Gwa ha ha… ah… ha… haaf…" A large 'thud' came from the king collapsing, as if the chess game had just been won.

"I HAVE VICTORY! Easy as bread sandwiches! And now for the proceeding with the plan I have planned!" Everything was falling right into place for the little green man. "Midbus! Come! Fawful calls you!"

"Of course… Lord Fawful…"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: WOO! Second chapter down, yeah buddy!_

 **Draco: We can finally start doing more fun stuff now that the Mario Bros. and the Nep sisters have switched places.**

 _Chisaku: Pointless chapter recap is po-_  
 _Wait, are people even reading this? Probably not._

 **Draco: Would we care either way?**

 _Chisaku: I mean… I kinda would, because…_

 _Nah, I'll get over it and Burn My Dread._

 **Draco: Ah, so we're back to making Persona references are we? Now that's the Chisaku I know.**

 _Chisaku: I mean… I am the true self._

 _Just please don't use Light attacks, I'm terribly weak to those. And Electricity is no good either._

 **Draco: Where's my gun? Okay here we go.**

 **PERSONA! IZANAGI-NO-OKAMI!**


	3. Into the Beast

"Nepu!" Whatever was going on was certainly beyond Neptune's comprehension. One minute she was fighting a gothic granny witch, the next she finds herself bouncing around a bunch of squishy thing, and liquids and not to mention the funny smell. Just where in the name of pudding was she anyway? For what seemed like hours equated to minutes of falling rapidly down bouncing back and forth only to faceplant into a liquid even thicker and slimier than what had already covered her body and soaked her clothes inside-out. "Nepu…"

Just how does a day at the park turn into random fanservice? Well the only possible answer to that is Neptune magic… It's the best kind of magic, now if only it wasn't so darn unpredictable. "Wait, where's Jr?" Instantly her thoughts shifted to her little sister, who had disappeared off somewhere. "Hm…" Looking to a small passageway ahead, Neptune slightly tilted her head, what was the pungent smell? She quickly pulled her undershirt up, covering her nose with it. "It stinks…"

"HEY LEMME GO!" However, Neptune's attention was caught by the sound of a damsel(?) in distress. It was kind of hard to tell, whatever was shouting sounded kind of muffled, almost like it was caught in something. "NOW! RELEASE ME!"

Springing into action, the CPU made her way down the passageway, leaping over conveniently placed platforms that lead to both a floating block (though it wasn't hidden which took the fun out of finding them) and a ledge leading to another room of some sort.

"RRGH! NOT how you treat a lady!" The voice was coming from a small yellow-ish round floating… Just what was this thing? It didn't look like a monster, but then again, Neptune had fought with monsters that looked like stick figures riding paper airplanes so she couldn't be too sure. "YAH! QUIT IT! That… tickles!"

Well whatever the heck that yellow floating… Ball thingie was, Neptune couldn't ignore someone in trouble, so she took a few steps back to get a running start. "Alright legs, don't fail me now." And so, the CPU went into a mad dash and leapt, dynamically of course, and landed on the platform right beneath the yellow ball lady thing. She launched herself up again, hoping to touch the ball thingie. Upon failing, she let off a soft sigh, looking around the area. "What the heck are those?"

The CPU's eyes trailed downwards to find some sort of pipe(?) which protruded from the ground. Knowing video game logic, the protagonist would _have_ to jump down those. "Like a Kangaroo… JUMP!" Neptune soon found herself falling into the odd pipe and subsequently fired upwards into one of the weird floating blocks. Needless to say, Neptune was glad she had a thick skull, (or so she's been told), as she was able to get off without a scratch… Just how thick was her head… Oh well.

As soon as her head made contact with the block, another pipe popped up from the opposite side of the room. Going with video game logic again, tedious repetition was always meant for progression… Right? Repeating the same process allowed a third pipe to pop up from the center of the room, aimed directly underneath the ball thingie being held captive, (such convenience, much wow). "Third time's the charm! Wheeeeeee!" Popping the bubble-like substance around the creature allowed Neptune to pocket it shortly as she fell down, (not without some more liquid soaking her clothes even further).

"Um… Who are you? You don't look like someone from the Mushroom Kingdom…" It spoke, and wait… Did it just say Mushroom Kingdom?

"NEPU?!" The Mushroom Kingdom, as in THE Mushroom Kingdom was where she landed? As in where Mario and Lui-uh whatever his name was, (that one guy with the green, yeah, that one!), were? "Um… Did I hear you right, as in the Mushroom Kingdom?"

"Yes, you heard me correctly, so who are you? And where is Mario?"

"..." Looking up to the ceiling of the room, Neptune's eyes glittered with a certain shine. "Have I died and gone to heaven? Because this wouldn't be too far from it. But I'm sad… I left such a cute little sister back home..."

"WHAT THE GOODNESS!?" As if on cue, a familiar voice reverberated from a little ways ahead. It took Neptune no time at all to leap into action.

"JR!" In a single instant, using her amazing protagonist powers, Neptune was off, disappearing down the oddly shaped corridor.

"Hey, wait!" The creature could only fly after, (closer to a slow float than anything), Neptune, finding her and another girl who looked nearly exactly the same to her surrounded by a bunch of pink… Blobs with feet.

"Jr, you ready?" A soft shine came from the sword in Neptune's hand, not the regular katana she once wielded.

"Right, Sis." Nepgear's famous hand-crafted Laser Blade was equipped, held high and ready for action.

"YAH!"

Now the duo of Nep sisters founds themselves… Equally distanced from the enemy waiting for them to attack… WHAT?

"Uh, Jr., you got any idea what just happened?" Neptune was absolutely flummoxed at whatever was happening right now. Had they somehow landed in a weirdo RPG version of the Mushroom Kingdom or something?

"I… I don't know." Nepgear was equally as confused, being left to stare dumbfounded at the enemies patiently awaiting them to attack… At least they were polite.

"Oh, I get it! This is the tutorial battle!" Of course! There was no other possible explanation! "This is just as a way to introduce the battle mechanics in the story."

"... What are you two talking about?" Battle mechanics? The yellow thingie-mabober was left to stare in confusion at the two purple siblings. What the heck were they even talking about? "Seriously, where are Mario and Luigi? And the Princess for that matter!"

"We'll worry about those later, but first, tutorial time!"

 **Teach me, Histy!**  
 **Lesson 1; Battle Basics**

 **In this story there are two phases, player phases and enemy phases. First, the faster Sister will take their turn in attacking, whether it be a normal swing or a Sister Attack. What is a Sister Attack? You'll find out. During enemy phase, the enemy will attack where the Sisters will then tr-**

"Ne-boo… This is boring. Can we get onto the battle already?" Neptune was sitting on the ground, her finger moving along the ridges of her new sword.

"Wait, Sis, when did you pick up that sword? It looks exactly like the M**ter Sword from Z*lda."

"Oh, this thing?" The CPU held up the sword gallantly, mimicking a green-clad hero of time, minish, or whatever else there was. "It was lying right by you when I got here so I picked it up. It looks real so why not use it?"

"W-well I guess, but doesn't it seem weird to find a sword like that out of nowhere. Why was it even here anyway?" _**BECAUSE WE SAID SO, THAT'S WHY!**_ "What the goodness?!"

"Oh, I get it. This sword must be some sort of gimicky thing the authors are using to add something unique to the story." Neptune gained the Psychic affinity. "Wait, isn't that Jr's whole shtick? Ah, who cares, I get me an awesome new sword."

"Oh, okay then… Hm?" It took a while, but Nepgear finally realized that the enemies in front of them were still doing their idle animations, waiting patiently for the character with the highest speed stat to attack. "It looks like the enemies are waiting for us, sis."

"Then as the protagonist, here I go!" Four large blocks appeared overhead, Neptune, baffled, stared at them for a few moments. "Oh, I get it!" She jumped, hitting the first block already above her head. A small menu appeared from there. "Um… Ok?" She jumped again, before and arrow prompted her forward. She stepped forward up to the dancing blob, swinging her sword once before being pushed back to her original position, a large number 3 above the blob's head. "Jr, your turn!"

"G-Goodness!" Nepgear meekly looked above her head, the blocks slightly frightening just floating there when they weren't before. "Uh-um…" She looked at one of the other blocks, only for it to move above her head without her needing to do anything. "Here we go!" She jumped, banging her head on a block that did nothing.

 **You have no items.**

"Ow…" Great, now her head hurt.

"Excuse me." Oh yeah, the floating ball thing was still following them. "Why don't you just tap it with your fist?"

Insult to injury, what's next? Pouring salt in her cuts? Nepgear stood up again, her eyes gravitating back to the original block that was above her head. She jumped, punching it as if venting some anger. She punched it again, an arrow prompting her forward. "Ei!" A large 1 appeared over the blob's head as the CPU Candidate was returned to her original position.

Of course, normally it would be the enemy's turn at this point, but uh…

"Grrrrr!" The look on Nepgear's face was quite frankly one of the most terrifying things the weird blob monsters had ever seen. The word "Enraged" appeared over her head, a small red glow surrounding her body.

So what happened next? Why, the enemies did what most enemies do in this situation. They ran away.

"Oh, you scared them off. Way to go Jr, that's my little sis." Neptune didn't even pay attention to the victory screen as she walked over to her sister and gave her a good pat on the head, diffusing her anger entirely.

"H-huh… Well, thanks sis." Nepgear gained the Siscon affinity. "Oh not again!"

"Are you two done yet?" To say that the floating ball thingie was confused would be the understatement of the century.

"Yeppers!"

"Oh, yes miss…" What _was_ her name?

"Starlow." Oh. "And you?"

"I'm Neptune, the main character of all main characters." Proclaimed the proud-looking shorter purple-haired girl with her chest pumped out.

"And I'm her sister, Nepgear." Proclaimed the taller purple-haired girl.

"I see." To which Starlow floated over to Neptune and… "You must be the older sister." Blew her freaking mind!

"Nepu!"

"What the goodness?!" Both sisters were left to stare with wide eyes at the somehow sage-like presence of Starlow. "Everyone alway mistakes me for the older sister."

"Really? Isn't the older sibling supposed to be shorter? Like how Mario's shorter than Luigi?" Well that certainly explains a few things.

"Mario? Luigi?" Granted, Nepgear still had no idea what was going on, but Neptune did.

"Oh yeah! Jr, you're not gonna believe this!" Seeing her sister's excited bounding certainly served to peak Nepgear's interest. "We just landed ourselves in the Mushroom Kingdom!"

"The Mushroom Kingdom?!" Holy cannoli that was certainly something to be excited about. "Oh my goodness!" This was huge news!

"Actually, I think we're inside of Bowser." This was terrible news!

"Bowser? You mean _the_ Bowser?" Asked the shorter purplette. "As in the big baddie who always drowns in lava only to be resurrected through the Parallel Worlds Theorem and then tries to kidnap Peach again to only die in Lava by Mario and the whole thing repeats again Bowser?!" But that's just a theory… A Nep Theory, thanks for reading!

"Wait, that's where we're ending this chapter? Oh come o-"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Huh, never thought we'd get this over with._

 **Draco: I never thought Neptune was psychic, but you learn something new every day.**

 _Chisaku: Funny, my internet crashed multiple times._  
 _Guess it had a… Cuteness Overload._

 **Draco: One of these days your puns are gonna kill me… Good luck finishing this story without me when that happens.**

 _Chisaku: Don't worry, I'm a manager._

 **Draco: Screw the management, I have Sexy Hair!**

 _Chisaku: If this turns into "Choose the rich friend and sacrifice the family or Choose the childhood friend and sacrifice the good life" type of situation, well, I'm fucked._

 **Draco: Don't worry, I'm pretty sure they're all dead anyway.**

 _Chisaku: Well, we'd make quite the badass zombie apocalypse survival team. If that ever happens, I know who to call._  
 _Zombie Busters!_

 **Draco: Huzzah… Aren't we supposed to be ending the chapter now?**

 _Chisaku: Oh, right, we are, aren't w-_


	4. Emoglobinatriarch

And so, after what felt like hours of trudging through gross and mucky territory, the purple sisters found themselves met with another challenge, a brain-busting elevator. "Nepu? There are two blocks floating here…"

"Sis, is this any different from the multiple ones we've found so far? Including the weird yellow talking things?"

"We are called Emoglobins!"

Apparently, those weird yellow talking things were known as Emoglobins. Nevertheless, the two CPUs stepped onto the platform, each taking underneath one of the blocks. One lit up. "Oh, I know what to do here! We need to hit these in time!"

"R-Right!" Nepgear launched herself into the air, punching the block above her, the floor catching her fall. "Whoa!"

"NEPU!" Back down went the platform, slamming onto the ground, (was it even considered ground if it was red?), again, small droplets of liquid splashing the taller sister. "Oh boy… We're in for a long one…"

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Hyperdimension, our other set of favorite heroes have landed softly onto the wintry land of Lowee. "Ugh…" Pushing himself up, our red-clad plumber(?) surveyed the area, only to quickly realize that Luigi landed shoulders deep into the snow beside him. "LUIGI!"

"Mff-fwi-fwo…"

Quickly, out of brotherly love and not for the sake of later usage, Mario pulled his brother out of the snow, the two embracing each other in a short warm hug. "Coma supa de conteru?"

"Komatteru deri deparo."

"Mhm."

"Oh, yeah!" The taller brother jumped twice, before exchanging a quick look and a nod. The two resolved to find out where in Rosalina's galaxy did they land. Taking behind Mario, Luigi simply followed behind as the two began their trek through the snowy lands they found themselves in.

A few things quickly began to stick out to the two bros. For one, the hills and the flowers no longer had faces nor smiles, and only moved in the increasingly frigid wind instead of bouncing to some inaudible melody. Secondly, the landscape looked… Different, completely different when compared to what they were used to. Where were the floating coins and power up blocks? Or, unless they were on a different adventure now where they no longer were side-scrolling, the world was more open now.

Something about the idea of such a world felt not only intimidating, but also very exciting. I mean, how often did the two bros. ever get a chance to go on an adventure like that? The last time had involved time traveling and meeting their kid selves and the time before that, (or was it technically after? … Time travel is confusing), the two ended up going to the Bean-Bean Kingdom, (which looked nothing like this place), and stopping an odd witch who took over Bowser's body. Well at least one thing was certain, wherever they were, it was a pretty nice place despite all the snow.

"Hm? Hey, bro, who are those two?" A man clad in a gray janitor suit pointed at the two brothers braving the frozen plains, a red cap donned above his head. He seemed to be talking with someone who looked strikingly similar.

"I don't know… But they look lost, let's help them." The taller man replied, a green hat covering his head.

"Eh?"

"Hmmm…" The two brothers Mario looked upon the two men standing before them, Luigi a bit confused, his head tilted to the side, Mario with his hand to his chin, deep in thought. Something about these two guys seemed awfully familiar, or rather something about their moustaches looked familiar. Mario and Luigi knew that they'd seen such fine moustaches before, but when? One doesn't merely see such a fine specimen of a moustache and forget it very easily.

"So, you guys coming or what?" Said the red-capped gentleman.

"Oh yeah." Replied Mario with Luigi nodding his head in agreement, the matter of who these gentlemen were could wait till later.

"Alright, we're pretty close to Lowee so it shouldn't be too long." Said the green-capped janitor man, tipping his hat down slightly.

"Oh yeah!" Replied the green-capped plumber man, jumping twice.

And thus, the Plumber Bros. began their journey with the Janitor Bros. to this place called Lowee in the hopes of learning where they were and how to get back home. The group continued to walk forward, pressing on against the harsh weather to get to this magical land of-

"We're here." A loud 'thwump' could be heard as Mario and Luigi face-planted onto the ground in unison. Seems like the Janitor guys weren't kidding when they said it was nearby.

"Um… Are you two ok?"

"Sono koto de peru?" Mario was the first up, inquiring about just where they were.

"Bro, what did they say?"

"I don't know, Maryo, I thought you knew."

"I don't, P2, I thought you did."

The two brothers Mario watched on in the sidelines as the two brother Maryo seemed to be discussing something. But more importantly, how did these guys not know Mario-nese, it was a very common thing in the Mushroom Kingdom and even the Bean-Bean Kingdom too. "WHOA!" Instantly Mario flailed his arms, trying frantically to describe what their predicament was, and trying to explain what they were trying to say.

"Uh… What?" Oh, so they didn't know how to read bodily gestures either? Well that was clearly bad news for the duo of plumbers.

"Oh no." Luigi was quick to give into desp- "ooh." Wait… Did he just pull out a mug of coffee from out of nowhere?

"Did he just pull out a mug of cappuccino from out of nowhere?" Don't steal my lines, Maryo! If that is your real name! "You said coffee, I said Cappuccino." … Well played.

Now Luigi was looking at the red-capped janitor with a confused expression. Somehow it felt like something had just been broken, something Luigi couldn't see, something like… A wall maybe? Well, if Luigi had to guess, he'd say that it somehow involved the number way, he shrugged it off. "Mario! Adoto depe deparo."

"Peta koto deto pako?"

"Iya, tenopara doma paro."

"Mhm."

"Oh, yeah!"

"Ok, um… I guess we'll head off first, since you two seem to be ok on your own." The man called P2 nodded, a smile crossing his face. His crossed arms gave off a cool, (normalfag), atmosphere to him.

"Bro, we're going!" Maryo was already a couple meters away when he called back, footprints softly outlining the snow with galosh marks.

And so, our heroes began asking around town, hoping that someone in this town would understand Mario-nese, or at the very least read bodily gestures. To their dismay, nobody could, leaving the two wet, cold, and without a bed as the moon smiled sadistically on the two, trapped in the temperature-dropping cold.

* * *

"NEPUUUUUU!"

"GOODNEEEEEEESSSS!" Another fail, what was this, the fifteenth time now? "Ow… I think I twisted my ankle again…"

"Well, we're running out of pudding, so you're going to have to hold tight for a moment…" Neptune replied, sighing. "You know, I wish I could have some Fl*wm*ti*n like in K***dom H**rts or something…"

"Wait, Sis, where's the M**ter Sword you had last chapter?"

"Oh, that? It turned into this K**blade." The lilac-purplette gloriously held up the heavenly key, a cartoony feel to it.

"Sis?"

"Yeah, Jr.?"

"Try Fl*wm*ti*n."

"Um… Ok?" Neptune got off of her lazy, (yet divine), derriere for a few moments, looking at the wall in front of her. "Like a kangaroo… JUMP!" Vaulting into the air, her feet connected with the slimy substance that was a wall, pushing herself up, a purple light warped her body, a strange wind pushing her upwards when she wanted to jump. Repeating this process of vaulting up repeatedly along the same wall, the CPU finally reached the top, exhausted and covered in sweat and whatever this slimy liquid was. "Oh hey, a conveniently placed rope!"

"Sis, throw it down!"

"Got it!"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Fuck it, I'm lazy, short chapter._

 _Ugh… I got into the zone and then snapped out. Sorry for it being late, if there even IS anyone reading this..._

 **Draco: Who cares if no one reads this, at least we'll still have Paris… Because I stole it.**

 _Chisaku: So, want to go for some drinks or maybe some dinner after this?_

 **Draco: Sure, but since this isn't Italy and you're underaged we'll have to avoid any alchohol.**

 _Chisaku: I swear I only drink Tea._  
 _Guess it's quite… Ita-tea._

 **Draco: No.**

 _Chisaku: B-But…  
_ _Ah, who cares.  
_ _Come again next time!_


	5. I Can't See It!

"Last time, on Neptune's Inside Story, both of our favorite heroines were in huge pinches, your favorite adorable pair inside of The Bowser, with his enemies stuck in a land where nobody could understand them!" Neptune narrated, a dark background surrounding her. "What a huge pinch!" **NEPTUNE GO BACK TO THE STORY!**

* * *

"Nepu… I want to rest…" The Sisters; Purple, collapsed to the slimy substance that was their ground, more liquid splashing on them with a loud 'squelch' as they did.

"Sis, this is disgusting…" Nepgear panted, worn out completely at this point.

"Come on, guys, this isn't all that bad! Forward march!" Starlow being able to float seemed so easy on her at this point. Wait, for that matter…

"Sis?"

"Yeah, Jr.?"

"Why haven't we tried transforming as of yet?"

"..."

"Sis?"

"Yeah, Jr.?"

"I think your stupidity is contagious."

"Nepu! Jr.! How could you?!"

After a bittersweet moment of revenge for those five years of being the butt of jokes ever since she became a CPU Candidate, Nepgear finally felt accomplished over something that she could hold over her sister. "For now, let's just try!"

* * *

In the snowy lands of Lowee, the Brothers; Mario were still without a roof above their head, or walls to shelter them from the cold. Now in such a foreign land, they may be doomed to de-

"Luigi!" Mario quickly sprang up, an idea popping into his head. "Sone goto de conteru?"

"Oh yeah!" Luigi popped off his seat, before rummaging around in his pockets, searching for an item buried dead within them. "Hm…" Indeed, there it was, a Fire Flower tucked deep within his pocket.

Because of seniority, Mario was given (more like he took it) the flower, his clothing scheme immediately changing colors to white and red instead of red and blue. So their power-ups still worked here? Good to know. They would have to remember that in case they ever found themselves in trouble. "Yahoo!" A triumphant cry came from the mouth of the elder bro.

Shortly thereafter Luigi followed suit and his clothes soon changed to green and white to signal the power-up taking effect. Instantly, the air seemed to heat up as the fire radiated from their hands, the frigid cold seeming to flee from them. Now they were playing with fire, (remember kids, don't play with fire, lest you start a forest fire), quite literally in fact. "Oh yeah!" Huzzah! Now the threat of the cold had been vanquished, but uh… They still had no idea where they were or how to get home. Oh what to do? "Hm…" Again, the green brother returned to thinking, a storm brewing above his head.

* * *

"It's not working…" Neptune conceded, sitting down on a conveniently placed crate nearby. "What about you, Jr.?"

"Nope." An untransformed Nepgear replied, slightly slouching over. Well this was just depressing. And to top it all off she was starting to feel a little guilty about calling her sister stupid too, like the good siscon she was. Oh let's face it, if they weren't related Nepgear would be all over Neptune's sweet sweet- "STOOOOOP!" I regret nothing!

"What's wrong Jr.? One of the narrators givin' you a hard time or something?" Asked the purplette as she got closer to her little sis.

"W-well I guess you could say that, though they're not entirely wrong." Oh my. Now Nepgear was blushing a shade of red so fierce that she could probably be mistaken for a tomato.

"Wrong about what?" Such an innocent question, but it also triggered quite a nervous response from Nepgear.

"O-oh, w-well it's, you see-"

"What are you two even trying to do?" There came the ever so inquisitive question from Starlow, saving Nepgear from having to answer Neptune's question in the process. Now Nepgear breathed a sigh of relief now that her sister's attention was diverted to Starlow, but she also got to thinking on how they should answer her. "Either way, we need to move on." Floating forward, Starlow began to examine the path ahead, noticing it being blocked by all types of junk. "Eww, Bowser really swallowed a lot of junk…" Oh my, what a conveniently labeled crate Neptune was sitting on. "These have hammers in them, don't they?"

"We don't need hammers! We have, this!" The Goddess Purple held up...a broken sword? Only the hilt of the sword was in her hand.

"Sis, what is that?"

"It's a sword, the same one I had for a while now."

"So the other swords are broken?"

"Nope, this is the legendary Sword of References! HIYAH!" Neptune swung her sword at some of the rubble, the junk being destroyed. "This is the Inv***ibl*de from R*ne F*ct*ry!"

"Whoa…"

"How useless…" Starlow bluntly pointed out. "If you can barely even see the hilt, how do you find it if you drop it?" Nice question, not good enough!

"You gotta really feel it!" Nice response! "And I'm really feeling it." Best response! "Besides, with this!" Thrusting through some rubble, everything was destroyed into small data fragments, all reminiscent of their old world. "We can move forward! No need for anything else!"

"So...can we finally move on?"

"Yeppers, because…!" Neptune pointed ahead, the way opened now. "The Authors command it!"

* * *

"Mario!" Luigi pushed his brother out of the way from an attack, the ground behind them exploding as the two landed onto the ground safely.

"Luigi!" Mario threw his hand over his brother's shoulder, firing off a concentrated blast of flames, engulfing the oversized pipe they jumped on not too long ago. It seems this world's pipeworks could come alive, how troublesome. "Adoto de deito."

"Ok."

"Mhm." Exchanging a short nod, the two brothers brushed off the snow, picking up a few small coins that the pipe dropped. It seemed this world's currency still held true, everything was slightly blown up from what they were used to, but with this amount of coins, they could at least get a room to spend the night at the inn or something. But wait, nobody could understand them…

"Mario, adoto de pe paro."

"Oh, yeah!"

"Mhm." Luigi pulled out from his pocket… A cape? How big were their pockets?! A small pen was also produced, he scribbled something on it, a smile across his face. Maybe this world wouldn't be so hard to live in after all…

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: We should really discuss what to do about our schedule for this story 'cuz this is really driving me up the wall.**

 _Chisaku: Well… At least we can put out another chapter for an audience that probably still doesn't exist._

 **Draco: Should we care?**

 _Chisaku: Have you ever cared?_  
 _Don't answer that, I already know it's no._

 _ **Draco & Chisaku: Come again next time!**_


	6. Lord Fawful

"Yes, my plan is progressing with all the smoothness of the butter." Truly, none could ever hope to match the genius that was Lord Fawful, the great being with many Chortles. The one with so many food based puns that he could put even the most seasoned of chefs to shame. Everything was being orchestrated, even more beautifully than any other plan had ever created in existence… In his own head at least. "Fawful heard that." … So is he psychic too now?

As if on cue, the space-time dimension was ripped open! Or so he thought, but it was simply a portal, an old hag dropping out. "OI! WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN OLD HAG?!" Just callin' em like I sees em. "IF I EVER GET MY HANDS ON YOU-" Pedophilia? Look, I might have a thing for older girls, but this is a bit… "AAAARRRGGGHHH!" Hilarious.

"Who are you to be yelling at the air of nothingness?" Truer words have never been spoken.

"You were doing it just a minute ago!" Truer words have now been spoken.

"I must get back to my planning of the amazingness!" While it was true that Fawful's plan was going in order, it was yet to be complete, there was another variable he needed to control. "Mr. Red and Mr. Green are now out of the picture, but what is with these two Ms. Purples?!"

"Oi, you just said Purple, right?" Now that certainly caught the old hag's attention. "Where are they?"

"Fawful lack the reasoning to tell you." Unfortunately for Arfoire, the little green man was feeling quite smart alicky at the moment. **SHING** Luckily, the short green man was suddenly feeling more cooperative now that he had a spear-lance thingie pointed at his neck.

"Well? Out with it." A malice of the evilness of Fawful's intentions shrouded the witch, her spear and eyes included. Who would have ever thought such deviousness could pour out of someone… That sounds really bad out of context.

"Inside Bowser!" Other words that sound really bad out of context, yay. Fawful was practically sweating bullets with such a sharp impaler happy weapon pointed at his neck.

"Ho? You're coming with me, we've got some planning to do." How dare you grab Lord Fawful by the cape! Not that we really care either way, but it's still a really nice cape. With that though, the two resided back into the little schemes, planning destruction and conquest.

* * *

"Ooh, is this some sorta map or something?" Neptune's eyes bounced left and right, looking around the large GUI her head was on. "Looks weird, in all honesty." Said the loli who's a Goddess.

"Goodness, I wonder what this is all about?" Said the siscon who's a Goddess candidate. "Knock that off already!" … Why do I suddenly feel like I'm about to die…? "What do you think this is, sis?"

"I betcha it's like one of those hubworld thingies… Except without the actual hubworld." Of course! That was the only logical (logic exists in this story?) explanation for what was happening right about now. "There aren't many pretty pictures like I wanted… We have them in our world."

"Maybe that's because we're trapped inside the body of a walking turtle-dragon." Leave it to Nepgear to use her logic and such, ahahahah- please don't kill me!

"Wow Jr, you've got the writers all scared. That's my little sis." Leave it to Neptune to be proud of the weirdest things. At least it isn't as bad as the Dogoo incident.

"Are we done talking? Can we keep going?" Starlow's pissed… At least she can't do much.

"Then where are we supposed to go?" Hearing things starting to get back on track, Starlow took this as a good opportunity to continue.

"You see that Mushroom Looking thing? Try going there first." And go they did, without wasting any more time, Neptune took her sister and lead her to the mushroom thingie.

"Ooh, I wonder what we'll find. I'm so excited, how about you, Jr?"

"Well, I am curious as to what we'll find."

"Then let's a go!"

One transition later the duo of purplettes found themselves in a… Shop area?

"Of course!" Neptune's sudden exclamation made both her sister and Starlow jump back (or float in Starlow's case) a little in surprise.

"What is it sis?" It took Nepgear no time at all to recompose herself, but being Neptune's little sister for one's whole life'll do that to you.

"Don't you see, Jr?" It was time for the Nep to drop some knowledge all up in here. "We're in the Mushroom Kingdom. Mushroom. Kingdom. Shops here aren't gonna be labeled with some sword and shield icon or even a picture of some credits. It's obvious that they're gonna use the one thing they love most to distinguish their shops. Mushrooms." Wow… That was oddly insightful for someone like Neptune.

"..." Why are you glaring at me?! I didn't even make fun of you that time… Wait! Was it because I made fun of Neptune? Fine, I'll stop. I swear! "Ahem. That makes sense." Having now collected herself, Nepgear looked rather proud of her sister now. Nobody had more knowledge on these aspects of game design than her sister after all… Apparently.

"Wah!" A small mushroom-headed humanoid jumped in shock as the sisters, Purple stepped into a large room. "Who are you two?"

"Isn't this a Toad?"

"But these are people, Sis, they're not amphibians."

"No, they're called Toads."

"Why?"

"I dunno. Go ask the people who designed them or the Princess that made them."

"Um...either way, this is Toad Square. We were all really antsy when it came to just being in here, so we scavenged around and made a small shopping center." So are these people or mushrooms? Never really understood these things. "It's just...not much of a high traffic shopping center. You have coins, right? Why don't you do us a solid and buy something to help us out?"

"Ooh, we could use some goodies for our adventure." In true Neptune fashion, the hort purplette wasted no time in heading to the nearest shop as her sister watched. Still, seeing her sister's energetic self caused a small smile to spread on her lips.

"Wait for me sis!" Now it was Nepgear's turn to follow after her sister, leaving the lone toad to his own devices.

"I guess I'll just go scout around and see if I can't find some more useful stuff." And with that the toad took off in search of possible goodies that he might be able to use, possibly even sell. It was at this point that Nepgear had caught up to her sister who seemed to be buying some items with the coins they'd earned offscreen.

"Please, do come again." Said the shop owner as Neptune grabbed all of the items she had just bought. The short purplette then turned around to- why is she wearing a fake moustache?

"U-uh, sis? Why are you wearing a fake mustache?" It's moustache darn it… Please stop glaring at me.

"Elementary my dear Junior." A waggle of the finger and an arm thrown over Nepgear's shoulder and Neptune was ready to explain. "You ever wonder why Mario and Mr Green never pay much for their equipment?"

"A-actually no." That was actually quite a good question. Why did they get such good discounts on some of the most expensive sounding equipment or items around? "B-But I'm sure it's because they're heroes, right?"

"It's their Staches, Jr. Staches." Yeah, there's the lack of logic we needed. What? I'm being serious! Don't stare at me! I'm not Kell*m! "Alrighty then Mr. Writer, please shed some light on why it is that I got a 10% discount on all this stuff." … There's two of us. "Yup, that's what I thought."

"But are you sure it's their mustaches, sis?"

"Oh come now, Junior, I taught you better than that. What's the difference between the Mario Bros and everyone else? Other than them being plumbers and not Toads."

"They're Heroes." Yeah, two guys who break blocks that are in reality Toads that have been morphed by magic are great heroes. "..." … "It really is their mustaches isn't it?" Moustaches.

"What else could it be now that we've ruled out all of the above?" Twirling a finger through her fake facial hair (yet still glorious), the Goddess Purple really doesn't look right like this. "So, let's get a move o-!" Why did you cut yourself of- "PUDDING!" Oh.

"Goodness!" So, let me get this straight. You do realize that you're inside of Bowser's body, right? Doesn't that mean you're eating pudding that he ate?

"It's still good Pudding!" Oh Dear… "And it doesn't taste half bad!"

"Err…" The Toad behind the counter had a visible drop of sweat there. "This isn't pudding, it's just Emoglobin sweat. I'm surprised you like the taste… It's an um… Acquired thing."

"It's still good Pudding!"

"R-right, that'll be… 4 coins."

"Wait, but doesn't the sign say 5?" Came the ever inquisitive question from Nepgear.

"W-well, she has a nice moustache."

"..." … Oh you've gotta be freaking kidding me!

"I told ya, it's the moustache." It's mou- oh you got it right… Well then

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: So, we've agreed, Saturdays it is._

 **Draco: Huzzah!**

 _Chisaku: Well, at least we get back to being ridiculous again._

 _Looks like it's about as unavoidable as my puns._

 **Draco: Your puns still annoy me, but nonetheless, I will power through, for I am the Draco Slayer.**

 _Chisaku: Through the Fire and the Flames you carry on!_

 **Draco: Well, you gotta Open Your Heart dude.**

 _Chisaku: Gotta face front, gotta hold on, gotta ship on out for the truth._

 **Draco: Well we do have all the right friends in all the right places so that shouldn't be too difficult.**


	7. Pud-NO-Pudding

"We now return you to your regularly scheduled slice of Nep's Inside Story." The voice of the Planeptune CPU resounded as the scene slowly began to form and- why is Neptune still wearing a moustache?

"We've gotten some pretty good discounts on items with them so far." So now Nepgear is wearing a moustache as well? "We saved 20 coins while shopping. I wonder if we can get an even better discount if we clean these up a bit and make them shinier." I mean, another thing could be giving them a nice trim.

"Well obviously that's how it works around here. We'll have to invest in a comb as soon as we get out of here." How is it that Neptune is only good at things that involve breaking things, saving money, and anything to do with plot convenience? And pudding, don't forget pudding ( **Everyone already knows that, to the point where we don't even need to comment on it.** _Y_ _ou're right._ ) "At least we can now say that we're interdimensional business CPUs!"

"You guys have spent hours shopping, can we please just move on, already?" Someone says it, and besides, where did all of these coins come from? "How much did you even spend?"

"If I had to guess then I think we must have spent at least 236 coins… But we got some really good discounts and saved 20." Said the young candidate with a sparkle in her eyes that was reminiscent of a metrosexual vampire in sunlight.

"Um… Where did you even get that many coins? I counted 50 from that entire trek through… Wherever that part of Bowser was." A flat face occupied Starlow's expression.

"A Nepugician never reveals her secrets." True story. "Besides, I got a knack for breaking games and taking names. Ooh, lookie, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it." Such is the life of the elusive Neptune. Truly an individual that defied any and all conventions and rules laid out before her. Unless, of course, those were her own rules in which she played by.

"Wait, something just occured to me." Nepgear, please tell me it's not something related to facial hair, or any hair in general. What? Stop glaring! "If we're inside of Bowser, doesn't that mean we should feel when he's moving?"

"How naive, Junior. If that was the case then it'd be impossible to really move forward in this type of scenario. Do you have any idea how frustrated players would be if stuff like that got in the way of their experience? It's kinda like if Son(Redacted) could actually move at the speed of sound in his games. He'd be impossible to control."

"Oh, that… makes a lot of sense…" That was… very informative indeed. "Are you sure you're my sister?"

"Ouchies! Jr! How could you possibly question the blood that runs deeper than our pudding?! This is like the Con(Redacted) Ending all over again!" Neptune, stop kneeling on the ground, you're soaking up… Bowser… Enzymes… Or whatever that liquid is, I don't know. It's soaking your clothes. "Ooh, fanservice for the readers!"

"I guess you're right sis. I'm sorry, it was wrong of me to question you."

"Aww, it's no biggie, my dear little sis." And with quick pat on the head from Neptune and a short giggle of joy from Nepgear the two sisters turned back to Starlow, now focusing on the task at hand… Finally! Plot pro-

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Hyperdimension, our two heroes are waking from a heavy slumber. Rejuvenated, the two left the inn, promptly dropping a bag full of credits to pay for their stay. "Hm…" Mario rubbed his chin softly, pondering their next move. "Kotoko tenu ke pero?"

"Hm… Un." Wait, they're going to go find some work? What could ex-plumbers do in this dimension? ( **Ah, but remember, they are not just your ordinary plumbers. They're also snake charmers and soccer coaches and- you get the picture.** _Oh yeah, but where did they get the time to do all of that?_ **Yes.** ) Luigi quickly scribbled something on his cape, showing it to the faceless Inn-Keeper.

"Oh, work? You could try the Guild, they'll let you take quests for a handful of credits as a reward, and rare items." Wait, why is the Inn-Keeper faceless? And why is everyone else faceless except for our heroes?

As if communicating with some weird brotherly telepathy, the two nodded in agreement before rushing off, in hopes the Guild was much easier to get around with. And a way to get home, but more of an easier time to live with. It only took a matter of minutes for them to arrive at the guild, covered in sweat, clearly the two brothers were out of shape and in need of some major exercise.

"Hooooo." Luigi was using every bit of his willpower not to fall over, so the rumors were true. You could level down. Mario had it even worse, seeing as how he's the chubbier of the two.

"Barone spagunte!" You're not just big boned! Bones don't jiggle! "Rrgh…!"

"Are you going to move?" A tall man asked, standing behind the two. "I need to get into the guild so I can turn in this Dragon Head." Hey, that's our job! "Whatever, just move." Rudely pushing through the two, he left in a hurry.

* * *

So, finally, with new items, gear, and a large sword-shaped club in hand, the trio left Toad Square, heading into the next area of Bowser's inside, his Funny Bone. Coming into the large connected system that a bone was, Starlow stopped the sisters. "This place…" She trailed off, waiting for a few moments. "Will you wait a moment?" Flying off ahead, she disappeared from sight, a few words heard from her direction that were barely audible. Speak up, Star Spirit. "Sorry for the wait." Welcome back. "I found something up ahead that bugs me. It's to show you than bo-"

"Ooh, thingie!" Neptune, how fast can you run when you're curious? "This thing's protruding from the wall… LET'S BASH IT!"

"Sis, wait!"

"As if I'm going to wait!" The Goddess; Purple slammed her new club into the shiny thing, a loud 'bang' resonating throughout the area. Good Goddesses, how hard did you slam a club, that belongs to a human stronger than an angel servant of the Goddess of Light mind you, into that shiny thing?! The flooring shook, a loud bellow of pain ripping into the air.

* * *

Shaking himself out of it, here the King of Koopas stood up again, the scenery finally reaching his senses. "YAAARGH!" Clutching his stomach, he felt a jolt of pain sear up his side. "Whoa, what did I eat?!" People. "There's a serious war down there!" He jumped again, feeling the pain run up his body again. "YAAARGH!"

A soft voice could be heard coming from… Inside of him? "Hey! Hear me?"

"What the- HEY! Is somebody there?!" Bowser searched left and right, no lifeforms in sight. "Who is that?! Where am I?!"

"Don't bother looking!" Ok, this voice is trippy. "I'm actually down here! Inside your body!"

"You gotta be kidding! It's in my BODY?!" Bowser looked down to his stomach. "HEY YOU! IN THERE! WHAT ARE YOU?! WHY ARE YOU IN MY BODY?!"

"Eeh? This is boring! I want to talk to Bowser too!"

"Neptune, not right now!"

"HEY! THERE ARE TWO OF YOU?!"

"S-Sis! Calm down, just for a bit!"

"ALL THREE OF YOU, GET OUT OF MY BODY!" Bowser's rage was fueled with the fires of Hell, a fury greater than that of our Lord ( **Your lord, not mine.** _I thought we agreed on him being the Great Lord Fawful. Huh, oh well._ ) Fawful's. "But Peach's Castle?" Losing himself deep into thought, Bowser reminded himself of the events. "Mario pounded me, I was chucked into a forest, and then… I ate a weird mushroom from a weirdo in the forest. Weirdo forest mushrooms, came out of nowhere…" You gonna finish that thought? "I DON'T GET IT!" Thank you. "I don't get any of this! This is stupid! And you, partying in my body like you own it. How dare you?!"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Well, I guess NIS will be…_  
 _Who even reads this? Or our thoughts, for that matter._

 **Draco: That is a very good, if somewhat depressing question.**

 _Chisaku: Ugh, my back hurts from murdering Hecatonchiers. How was training Dinosaurs?_

 **Draco: Nobody's gonna get what we're talking about, you know.**

 _Chisaku: People read this?_

 **Draco: One of them, yes. But that feels like that's about it.**

 _Chisaku: Huh._


	8. Spelunky!

"ALL THREE OF YOU, GET OUT OF MY BODY!" Bowser's rage was fueled with the fires of Hell, a fury greater than that of Lord Fawful's. "But Peach's Castle?" Losing himself deep into thought, Bowser reminded himself of the events. "Mario pounded me, I was chucked into a forest, and then… I ate a weird mushroom from a weirdo in the forest. Weirdo forest mushrooms, came out of nowhere…" You gonna finish that thought? "I DON'T GET IT!" Thank you. "I don't get any of this! This is stupid! And you, partying in my body like you own it. How dare you?!"

* * *

"This is perfect, he doesn't remember anything." Starlow turned back to the Sisters; Purple, only to find Neptune with a hand over her mouth.

"C'mon, Sis, not now…"

"..." Starlow's flat expression stayed for moments before swapping. "Maybe I should introduce myself later!"

* * *

"It's a long story…"

"Whoa, hold it! Long? I hate boring stories…" A thought occurred, a rare moment of brightness for the Koopa King struck him. "Hey, wait! You! You in my bod! I've heard your voice somewhere before…"

"Oh... Uh, Really? Weird. Listen, to change the subject, uh, where are you right now?"

"Oh yeah, right! Where am I?" It was at this point that the Koopa King **finally** took a look around at his surroundings. "Kind of a dim, dank cave. What in the world am I doing in a dim, dank cave?!"

* * *

"A cave?" Asked Starlow before floating down to the purple sisters "This is just weird… He doesn't remember inhaling us at all…"

"Goodness. Maybe Mr. Bowser has amnesia." It was at this point that Nepgear **finally** felt like taking off her moustache, and her sisters.

"Yeowch!" Although she may have pulled a bit too hard.

"Oh my goodness! I'm sorry sis." Revenge is sweet. "No it's not!" Such is the battle cry of the willy siscon.

"..." Starlow was once again wearing a rather deadpan expression, obviously a little fed up with all the shenanigans these two brought about. "Hey, up there! First, shouldn't you find a way out of that cave?"

"Hrmph, I was gonna do that anyway, genius!" Well someone's a little huffy.

Starlow took this moment to let the purple-haired sisters know that it was time for a shift in perspective. "Let's let Bowser do his thing for now."

"Alright."

"You betcha."

* * *

Dark caves, reeking of seawater and purple rocks. Rocks had a scent? Bowser didn't care, we wanted out of this stupid cave, to find where Peach was. He took a look around, finally walking around. "Hm?" He stopped, hearing soft mumbling in his body. "Hey! What do you think you're doing?! Stop it!"

"Go ahead and move around a bit."

"That's what I **was** doing!" Ooh, is this where retarded strength comes into play? A few extra steps, until he was halted by the voice again. "Hey! What did you… How dare you! Hrmph! Let's go!" Turning to the huge boulders in the way, he simply winded back, ripping the boulders a new one with each flying punch. Retarded strength, indeed. Walking up North, or what seemed like North, revealed large metallic balls rolling down a ramp, a button on the other side of a large pit. "Ooh, a shooting range!" The King of Koopas slammed his fist into the ball that was falling right in front of him, watching it ricochet into the button, the gate to the north opening now. After a few more boulders to smash, a large sticky substance was blockading one direction. "Look at this flimsy thing! Time for some burnage!" Opening his mouth wide, Bowser crouched down, ready to unleash… A puff of air. After five more failed attempts, he got fed up with it. "Wait, what happened? HEY! Why did no flames come out?!" He turned to his stomach, needing his flames. "Hey! You in my belly! Wake up! You hear me?"

"What's wrong?!"

"I'll tell you what's wrong, my flames aren't working! You probably messed something in there!"

"I didn't touch anything! Don't blame me in this!" Then what about waking him up by smashing a giant sword-like **club** into his funny bone?

"Hey, Jerky, I never had any trouble until you got in there!" Bowser shouted in rage, recalling his most recent fight with his intense flames. "I was a burning MACHINE! And now you broke me! SO FIRE ME BACK UP!"

"Now just hang on a sec! What would I have to gain by disabling your flame system?"

"Do I look like I need logic?" Well, your brain is smaller than most humans… "Listen, I NEED to breathe fire!"

"I'm sure you do! And I'm sure I didn't disable it! So have a good time trying to fight without your fire and all." The voice was seriously pissing off Bowser now. "YELLO GOOD-BYE!"

"Hey! HEY! GRAAAAGH! This is complete garbage! I've gotta get my fire back! Someday I'll get that punk!" After a couple more minutes of silence besides the destructions of boulders or protruding rocks in the wall, the cave opened up, the outside land vast and dead. The grass was wilted, yellowed as Bowser stepped into fresh air. Finally out, he took only a step forward, until he was stopped by a floating craft and a tiny man standing on it.

* * *

Meanwhile, the Brothers; Mario were in their own pinch. Infinite pipes, all trying to kill them by burping up explosive chunks of solidified brick Toads. Poor Luigi had his unconscious brother slung over his shoulder, trying to outrun the monstrosities without letting either of them die here. "Hrrrrgh!" His feet pushed him faster, breaking speeds faster than the time he had his butt lit aflame by Mario to dodge rolling spiked cylinders back in the Bean-Bean Kingdom. He had to admit, this was a bit easier than it was.

"Idiots, watch it!" There he was, as if with some plot convenience, the man who had rudely pushed them out of the way wiped out all of the pipes in a single swift movement, the plains lighting up with a large burst of light and millions of shattered data fragments. Spinning his sword, he heroically sheathed it, reminiscent of a certain hero. "Honestly, you gotta pay more attention to your surroundings." Oh, Mr. Pretty Boy doesn't even realize the monster behind him. Now if only Mario and Luigi could be preoccupied for just a few more sec-

"Mario!"

"Oh yeah!" Mario launched over his brother's shoulders, spinning in the air for a brief second before Luigi latched onto his feet, the two spinning over to the monster, squashing it under the weight of one fat Italian, and one tall and slightly pudgy Italian. Needless to say, it died near instantly.

"U-Um… Thanks…" Hah! Where's the high and mighty act now, Pretty Boy?! "I'm Sever, a soldier of the Guild, working under Lady White Heart. You two don't seem all that familiar, are you new to Lowee?"

Luigi scribbled something on his cape with the quickness of S**ic. "Un."

"Um…?" It took only a few seconds to read the writing. "I see… So you're not from this world…" A few moments of silence came from the blonde man. "How ridiculous, what are you guys, CPUs? Last I checked, there were only four alive." Oh boy, this would take awhile to explain.

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: For once, this was actually easy to write._

 **Draco: For you, yes. I just can't seem to think of much to do with the Mario Bros.**

 _Chisaku: Huh. Well, let me handle that stuff then!  
_ _Wait, you already do…  
_ …  
 _At least that wasn't as stupid as a certain voice-cracking author we know._

 **Draco: True story…  
** **…  
** **We should really get back to our international business meeting.  
** **I think we might be late.**


	9. Whipped!

"Hey! Hold up! Quit hovering!" That was Bowser's first thought as his eyes rested upon a short green-bean man standing atop a hovering platform of sorts. But not just any short green-bean man, no this was the very person who gave the koopa king that defective mushroom and Bowser didn't plan on forgetting his face any time soon… Well, at least if Bowser had actually been paying attention at the time that is.

"What is your surprise face? Was there forgetting about me" Fawful seemed almost genuinely offended by the idea that Bowser could have forgotten his magnifi- ( **I'm not writing that.** _Too bad, I'm doing it anyway._ ) -cence so quickly and readily. Luckily enough, Fawful's comment was enough to get the gears in the koopa king's head turning.

"Wait, I know you!" There it is. "You're the weirdo who tricked me into eating that mushroom!"

"You are the one who is correct! Wasn't it full of delicious?!" Exclaimed the eccentric mad genius. "Such a special treat called a Vacuum Shroom!" Even the name was full of delicious ( _Kappa_ ). "I, Fawful, invented it to make you inhale everything you see! And I, Fawful, am betting that you are remembering nothing. You inhaled like a hungry syrup pig at the free pancake buffet."

* * *

"Did someone say pancakes?" What the… Was it really necessary to add a line break just so Neptune could get a line in? "Hey, I'm the protagonist, aren't I? I need a line every now and again or else we'll drive away the lolicons!" Ok then… (Long live Lady Purple Heart! And Lady Black Heart! But mostly Lady Purple Heart!)

* * *

"And then you had the na-"

"How long are you going to rant for?!" An audible shout echoed over a device in Lord Fawful's ear.

"-pping. And then I put you in the cave."

"WHAAAT?!" The burly king bared ( _oxed? turtled? behemothed?_ **More like dragon-turtle-ed.** _Ah, I see..._ ) his fists in anger, challenging Fawful's words. "What's your problem, pal? What's your beef with me?"

"Beef? I am lacking in beef. Fawful is beefless." Come on, look at those ar- ( **No, they're not beefy.** _… Aww._ ) "But I am having a goal!" A short pause came, dramatic effects flying with the tiny villain's floating platform ( _What IS that thing anyways?_ **Science.** ) of science. "Mushroom Kingdom… WILL BE MINE!" Isn't that Bowser's job? "All of Mushroom Kingdom spread for Fawful like power brunch! Fir-"

"SERIOUSLY, JUST GET ON WITH IT!" The voice from Fawful's earpiece called again.

"Fawful's is gorging on his plan of win! And he still hungers!"

"I swear if you don't knock it off I will feed you to my Fenrir!"

"And there you have it." Huh… He's whipped isn't he? Or terrified… Probably both. ( _Well, I'm pretty sure every normal brain would process a giant spear/lance and large wolves with giant claws as bad for the body. Not mine though, I love the thought of having one of those, I could use them for *ahem* things._ **You mean like using it to (redacted) and (expunged)?** _Yes._ ) "The Castle of Bowser for me! I will be powering it up into the Castle of Fawful!"

"Whoa, hold it, Chump! What about my Castle?!"

* * *

"Pancakes, brunch and beef? That sounds like the type of conversation you two might have." Starlow deadpanned as the purple duo just smiled and nodded… Oh yeah, castle! Right!

It got destroyed by giant UFOs modeled after ( _my_ ) Magnificent Lord Fawful.

* * *

"Pffffft. Please! Get over yourself! My Castle's gonna be just fine, pal." It always starts with denial, but with Bowser all the other steps are just gonna get ignored in favor of anger… Such is the life of a koopa king.

"Hmm… We will be seeing… Anyway, I thought you would be sleeping long, like a lazy bear. And I am thinking you should be sleeping more!" There are bags under Bowser's eyes… "COME! MIDBUS!" And off flies Fawful.

"Hey! HEY! COME BACK! I'm not done with you!" Rushing forward after the flying piece of metal, the Koopa King slammed into… A giant Hog... Boar thing… Okay then.

"HRRRGH!" Why is it pounding its chest as if it were the... ( _Wait, I swear there's a reference here, I'm just not getting it..._ **I believe you mean that one guy from the jungle, Tarzan.** _Yeah! That's the one!_ ) "You. No longer needed. Here, you taste defeat."

"Taste defeat? You're gonna taste my fist, you little piglet!"

"Taste your fist? Ha ha, I think not." This could be easily taken out of context. "I HAVE NO TASTE!" Never mind.

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"Sense is for the weak! You listen. Peach, gone. Lord Fawful, new ruler. Now, no need of you. Lord Fawful says sleep, NOW YOU SLEEP!"

"GAAAAAAAAAAH! What is WRONG with you?! Nothing you say makes sense! And now you made me mad!" Such anger is the life of the Koopa King… "And once I get mad, I need to punch something! C'MERE!"

"I HAVE BATTLE!"

"HURRY UP ALREADY!"

"I HAVE RETREATING!" Yup… Spear-lance things are scary… And giant wolves.

"I'll give you a taste of my Knuckle Sandwich!" Wow, did Bowser just learn the move M**h P**ch? ( **Well he does kinda look like a pocketed monstrosity.** _Huh, he does, doesn't he?_ )

"Midbus! Hurry with the finishing off and we go home quickly!"

Midbus simply belly flopped onto the ground, pushing himself higher and higher with each bounce from his massive stomach. Finally, he launched into the air, slamming onto Bowser ( _With the power of merely a fraction of Fawful's power!_ ).

"Haaah… Gaaah... Haaah… That weird mushroom is making me feel cruddy… Can't win like this…"

"Muh muh muh." What is that sound?! Is that how he laughs? "You are weak. Most weak.

"What… How…" The sound was faint, but Bowser did force out two words.

"It does not end here. Work on your skills." Ah yes, the honorable bad guy cliche… With a vengeance! Either way, the large pig-boar known as Midbus took this moment to leave and let the defeated koopa king to wallow in his defeat.

"Hey! You in the gut! Are you listening?!"

"I hear you! Sounds like Fawful is taking over!"

"I'm heading for my castle!"

"Huh? No, that's no good! Go to Peach's castle! We HAVE to go to Peach's Castle!" Twas but a futile attempt. Once Bowser set his mind on something he followed it through till the very end.

"What am I a taxi? Want a coffee too? Maybe a massage?"

"I'll have a decaf. How about you, sis?"

"I want mine with plenty of sugar and a side of pudding."

"HEY! DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR BUTLER?! Bottom line, my castle's in trouble. I can't let that Fawful dude have it!"

"... Ok, I understand. Do as you must."

* * *

"Nothing we can do now… But Bowser's in bad shape. It's possible some changes will take place in his body…"

"We'll take care of it, no problem! Right, Jr.?!"

"Right, Sis!"

"And I already have a pretty good idea where to start."

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Ok, finally sorted things out between the two of us.  
_ _Time to go back to farming for Skill Points._

 **Draco: AKIIIIIIIII! Damn lava titans!**

 _Chisaku: Draco, take this Divine Dragoon Armor, and help him! He should respond much better to this armor!_

 **Draco: I can't equip anything while I'm on his back and he's fully grown.**

 **It sucks, but I'll just have to restart at the last checkpoint.**

 _Chisaku: Trust me, this armor gives him a 260% attack increase passive against non elemental enemies, and a 80% defense increase passive that randomly procs when he takes damage.  
_ _I am such a nerd._

 **Draco: If I could do that I would have already equipped my Chaos Knight armor, which has a very special ability that lets his crit heal activate more often and activates one of his abilities without using any mana every now and again… I am also a nerd.**

 _Chisaku: On three. Ready? One… Two… Three!_

 _ **Draco & Chisaku: We are International Business Dragon-Taming Nerds!  
** **Huzzah!**_


	10. Bowser has a Brain!

"A great beast slouches by…"

As the koopa king continued making his way towards his castle, a voice seemed to call out to him, but there was just one little issue with that… Where the hell was it even coming from?

"It is you, who is he."

"What? What is this?" No matter where Bowser seemed to look, he couldn't see hide nor hair of anyone who could be the owner of that voice… Unless.

"Ah. Search not, for I am not there. How would one describe me? I am...the voice within. I am your consciousness. I am above, and all around. I am all that is you. A consciousness bound to you, as you are to me. Shall we travel together?" Ha! I totally called it! ( _Think Bowser's brain went haywire for once?_ **Bowser has a brain?** )

"Stop talking!"

"Ah. So very unenlightened. Anger will get you nowhere. It matters not where you go, for I will speak my piece."

Bowser, why are you hitting yourself? Stop it. "GAH! SHUT UP!"

"I bear you no ill will. Our minds have bonded. This is a rare thing." ( **Again, Bowser has a brain?** ) Apparently this guy wouldn't shut up until Bowser listened, so he stayed quiet for once. "So rare that I will teach you."

"Teach me what? Hurry up!"

"Smash that boulder to see, use your inner strength."

The Koopa King complied, ripping the boulder a new… Why is there a spiraling hole floating in midair?

"And so it springs to life." Whoa, this is T rated, there are kids here. ( **Get your mind out of the gutter.** _Admit it, you were thinking the same thing._ ) "That is called a Chakroad. A con-"

* * *

"A Chakroad? Can we eat those?" Neptune, why did you have to jump in? "Why wouldn't I jump in? I'm bored…" ( **That and you know, main character privileges.** )

"A Chakroad is not something you can consume. It would consume you first, tiny one."

"Nepu! I can hear it!"

"Our minds have bonded. This is a rare thing." Apparently two people could hear this voice. ( _Wait, I swear this is saying something. Both Neptune AND Bowser can hear him, and both are… Well, you know._ **Rulers of their own lands.** _… You think that's really it?_ )

"Um… Sis?"

"I think it's best to say they BOTH went off the deep end." Starlow deadpanned, wishing she had palms to cover her face with.

* * *

"Now we travel… With our MIIINDS!"

And… Why is Bowser back in the cave from just a couple minutes ago? "Hey! I was JUST HERE!"

"Wondrous. Thrilling. Yes. Powers of Earth and Space. Our journey took us to a place etched in your mind." The voice sounded proud, moreover full of itself. (He sounded like a bad Doge meme. So basically every doge meme then?) "Do you understand? No. For you are unenlightened."

"Quit messing with me! Take me back NOW!"

"Anger benefits you not."

* * *

"Yes… Well, it seems you are not near any Chakroads." Oh, now you're interrupting the story too?

"Aww… I wanted to warp to Noire's place and see her surprised face when I disappear forever." ( **I'm pretty sure that'd give her a heart attack if you disappeared forever.** _Maybe not if she's got someone else she's looking after. Catch my flow?_ **You mean Uni?** ) "Oh yeah… Then I'll just disappear for a day or two." ( **Kind of like you already have?)** "Hmm… Then what if I show up riding a dinosaur?" ( **... Long live Lady Purple Heart.** _And Lady Black Heart._ **But mostly Lady Purple Heart.** _This gag again?_ ) "Well you know what they say. Some forms of comedy involve pumping a gag over and over again until the viewers gag on laughter." ( **True story.** _Huh, I've always seen them jump after my bad puns, or collapse on the spot. WAIT WE NEED TO GET BACK TO THE STORY!_ **I was wondering how long it would take before you noticed… Now let's get to it.** ) "Okie dokie."

* * *

"Brain guy! Take me to Bowser Castle and make it snappy!" It can't be that easy.

"This is beyond even me. One can only travel to Chakroads one has found. If one area's Chakroad is hidden, you go there not." Yoda? "It is the way of the mind… When you find a Chakroad, your mind bonds to it. Then you can travel."

"TOO MANY WORDS."

"You are unenlightened. Find the Chakroads, break things to find them. Then you can travel."

"Not that I care, but who are you, really?" ( **Bowser just sounded an awful lot like us right there.** )

"Who I am… I exist in this kingdom, and that is all. And now I go."

"Hey! Hey!" No matter what he said or where he searched, the voice was completely gone. He brushed it off, and simply moved on. (Good on you! Who cares?!) Either way, after that little ordeal, the Koopa King went back on his way towards his magnificent castle. He walked, and he strided, and he sauntered until he found himself on a… beach with teeth everywhere? … What?! ("Don't question it, big guy." **How are you… oh who cares. Main character privileges.** _Is this about to turn into one of those takeovers where the main character destroys the writers? Like um… What book was it, One Fi-_ **STORY!** "Yikes!" _Wait, this is the end of the chapter though._ )

"Allo?" And, conveniently, before everything faded to black, the Koopa King heard a very French voice calling out to him.

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Huh. Thought that would've been much slower, but that was a lot of fun._

 **Draco: It always is. Now I need to go fix all that stuff that Aki broke when he finally learned how to use his Devil Trigger. Don't ask me how I pulled that off.**

 _Chisaku: I won't. Because I just spawned Finè by accident. Great, now I have more monsters to deal with._

 **Draco: Well have fun with that. I need to go stop Aki before he breaks anything… Oh never mind, he's just killing demons.**

 _Chisaku: Great, Finè's killing everyone now. Alright, have fun with taking that EXP, I got a Goddess to slay. Gatrandis Babel Ziggurat Edenal..._


	11. Chisaku is a mug?

Finally out of damp caves and a dying mountain range, our story returns with one of our well-received villains, Bowser. Now finding himself on a large beach, with giant teeth scattered about, cavities _biting_ into them. Taking a few steps forward, he simply ignored the teeth, continuing to traverse the area. Looking across the comically stereotypical sea, he could see his castle looming over the horizon in the distance, as if taunting him. A burning anger ripped into Bowser's mind, as if knowing that he would need to crack some skulls later. For the time being, he simply hopped onto a conveniently placed raft, and punched a wall to push himself forward, because Mushroom Kingdom physics.

"Allo?" A French-accented voice beckoned the King of Koopas, who stepped forward to a rope moored to the beach. "Ah! Allo over zere! Monsieur Turtle Bits!"

Looking to the source of the voice, Bowser could see a large island in the distance, only connected by the rope at his feet. Driftwood littered the sea leading up to the island, a small block person jumping and shouting to him.

"Ah, sweet Monsieur! 'Elp me! I neep 'elp! Helpez-moi, s'il vous plait!"

"Huh? What language is that? And what are you doing there?" It's French.

"Ah! Bonjour! Why are you… Non! I am too rude! I am Broque Monsieur! I ask zat you look upon zis! I was cleaning zee collection, but…" Oh wow, what a cool collection of what makes up your body, blocks that multiple people can knock their heads against to steal money or items from ( ** _Why is he talking like it's perfectly normal?_** ). "Disaster, it has struck moi! Zee bridge to zee beach, it fell into zee water!" Oh, so that's what the driftwood is from. "Monsieur, you 'ave zee odor of a gentleman! Ah, oui! It wafts! And a gentleman 'elps zee needy! Surely you 'ave zis credo, oui?"

"BAH HA HA!" A hearty laugh erupted from Bowser. "Whatever you're smelling isn't me, pal! I don't do charity! I'm too busy for this!" Bowser, you're just gonna walk away? Well, you are evil.

"STOP, I AM BEGGING YOU! Good Monsieur Turtle Bits! You who I am not smelling!" That sounds so wrong out of context.

"Enough with the yelling! Why would I help you?"

"But 'ow can you say zis thing? You 'ave very much to gain! I will give you zee gratitudes!"

"What? Gratitudes?"

"Ah! Your interest, it piques? Zis is wonderful! Marvelous!" ( _AQL_?) "Oui, a hot block spirit dwells in you, Monsieur Turtle Bits! A blazing, fiery block spirit… Oui. You 'ave zee power…" What is that block? And where did he pull it out from? "Look upon zis!" It's a green block with a tornado. How is this going to help anyone? ( **Nintendo logic.** _Isn't that his own cousin? They're blocks!_ ) "How is zis for gratitudes, honh? I give you zis glorious thing! Zee hot block spirit cries out from your belly, and it cries for this block! It is born for you!"

* * *

"Burp!" Wha-, this is story-time, Neptune! Not Nepstation! "Come on! I haven't had a line in two weeks!" STORY! Wait, where are you standing right now? "Patience, my young writer, you'll see soon enough."

* * *

"Fine… What do I do?" Oh great, we missed a whole section.

"Ah! Thank you! Merci! You are a gentleman, apres all! Look upon zis! Zis petit island, it is floating in zee ocean. A surprise to you, non?" Aren't islands supposed to float in the ocean? That's the point of them. "You see zis rope on zee beach? If you pull on zis, you will movez zee entire island!"

"Pbbth! Just pull on a rope? Gimme a challenge, pal!" The king then proceeded to grab hold of the rope, taking the time to flex his mighty muscles. "Have a taste of Bowser power!" Now in grape flavor.

* * *

"Oh, now I get it!" Nepgear could practically feel the light bulb above her head light up as the pieces began to fall in place. "Sis, you anticipated this didn't you? That's why you brought us here isn't it?" The young candidate looked upon her sister with great adoration shining in her eyes like a shiny… shiny thing.

"So, you brought us to Bowser's arm for this?" Starlow seemed befuddled, a bit impressed as well at the short purple-haired girl's foresight. She was a bit confused when she led them into what she guessed was Bowser's arm, but now it seemed like it made more sense.

"Yeppers, although I didn't think he'd be pulling an island. I just thought that we could totally beef him up when it was time for a boss battle so we could cheese out way through." Wait… how do you know he's pulling a- "My Nep-Nep senses were tingling." Oh, okay. ( _Wait, you're just gonna accept that? It makes no sense!_ **And the rest of this story does?** _… Good point._ )

"You go, sis!" This was one of those moments where Nepgear felt so very proud of her big sis. Granted, that probably happened every other day, but who cares about semantics? "So then what do we do from here?"

"Elementary, my dear Junior!" Where did Neptune get that trench coat… and the snazzy hat and monocle too? "The power of old school references compels you!" Guh! (Wait, I don't get it. Is that some sort of Western reference I've never heard of? Yeah sure, let's just leave it at that. … Okay.) "All we gots to do is use this here canon and use it to go and stimulate big Bow-Bow's muscles."

Starlow couldn't help but chuckle at the sound of that ridiculous nickname. Bow-Bow, she was so gonna start calling Bowser that from now on.

"But the good news is that this here sword just so happens to have transformed into a nifty little electric sword." And suddenly Neptune returned into her normal attire in the blink of an eye. "Behold! The High Fre**en** Blade!"

"Whoa!" Nepgear was stunned, no pun intended ( _Like hell it wasn't intentional._ **Ugh… whatever.** ) at the sight of the sword in her sister's hands. It was the sword wielded by Rai**n from M*S. A sword that vibrated at super high speeds to cut through pretty much everything. Nepgear was practically salivating at the possibilities of what a sword like that could teach her if she could replicate one of her ow-

"Too bad it's stuck on stun mode." Such a sad fate, but it was probably for the best since they only wanted to get big Bow-Bow's muscles firing, instead of cutting them up like sashimi. "You wanna use it, Junior?"

"Yes!" Yoink! The candidate snagged the crackling sword from her sister's hands, admiring it for a second before… "I love you, sis!" Planting a big smooch on her sister's cheek, complete with a fluff-tastic hug for the ages, filling Neptune with an odd sense of strength. Why would being kissed on the cheek make Neptune stronger? Because Noire and her generals said so, that's why!

 _Meanwhile, in another dimension, a certain black-haired girl couldn't shake the feeling that someone was talking about her. Whether or not they were saying good things was an entirely different matter. But more importantly… why was she suddenly picturing Neptune kissing somebody on the cheek? Probably because she's a bit of a pervert is why._

"Oh, I get it. Just like in Noire's game." The clarification is real! "Either way, give the muscle a good whack!"

"You got it!" Nepgear was insanely excited to be using this sword. Probably a bit too excited, but we can just do our little writing thing if she gets out of control, so it's all good. "Hiyah!" Because of science, Bowser's muscle instantly multiplied in size, concentrating more power output, because science, and electricity, and plot convenience… And Neptune Magic. Never forget Neptune magic!

* * *

"Hrrgh! Whoa! It feels like I just got a massive power boost!" All thanks to a list that's redundantly long.

* * *

"Again, Jr.!"

"Eiyah!"

"One more time!"

"Seiyah!"

* * *

In a single moment, Bow-Bow felt a surge of power rush into his arms, the beefy buff of beef-ness beefed him out to be the most beefiest Koopa in the world for that one last pull. THe one pull that moved an island which should've been rooted firmly into the ground. "Haah…" Exhaustion, make sure to stretch before working out, kids! It will help you. "OH YEAH! FEEL IT!" Do it?

"Hmmmm, strange… Zee world, it appears to be upside down… But zat is no matter. You 'elped me, and for zis I salute you!"

"Enough blabbering, buddy! Make with the surprise block!"

"Ah, but of course! Zee block! From moi! Such a fine block! We sing zee song of block!" And he pulled it out of nowhere again, handing it to Bow-Bow. "Pour vous!"

"... This is just a normal block! No surprise! What gives?!" Hah, you got scammed!

"Your tongue, bite upon it! Non! Zat LOOKS like a normal block! Zat is what is so devious about my little block. So devious!" Again, sounds so wrong out of context. "Blah, blah, tutorial, blah, blah, fine!"

"Tutorial? What?"

"Un! Deux! Trois!"

* * *

"Oh, I see…" For once, it's not Neptune butting in, I'm not even mad. Starlow knew something. "It's a battle block, one of the ones that you guys used."

"Battle block?" Oh look, more question marks floating around randomly.

"Sis, it's one of those floaty thingies we used to fight those tiny… Things."

"Oh, right, those things… Do we even still use those?" Her response? A shrug that practically screamed "I dunno".

* * *

Bowser punched the newly claimed 'Vacuum Block' and was met with a deja vu feeling. He began inhaling what was in front of him, meaning, Broque Monsieur. After a little bit, he felt something in the back of his throat, coughing produced said block person. "Eww, you went inside me?"

"Zis battle is OVER!" It lasted for a minute, what gives? "Alors, let us meet again, honh? Until zen, good-byes to you!" Well… at least this meant Bowser could get back to heading for his castle so that was good at least.

Either way, the King just ignored that weird block dude and went back on his merry way. He had a little green man to beat the snot out of, and Bowser did not want to keep him waiting. Eventually, after some more wandering about the beach and admiring the scenery, and by scenery I mean his own muscles, found himself coming face to face with… a Blooper statue?

"What's this thing?" Hold on, let me dial for Captain obvious. "It's some sort of weird statue!" Captain, you made it!

"A weird statue on the beach… Might be the Sea Pipe Statue." There was that voice from inside Bowser again.

"The Sea Pipe Statue? Sounds dumb." Then it has a lot in common with you. "Insult me again and I'll be using that emo guy's skull as a mug when I'm through with you." ( _Wait, why me?_ **Uh… Maybe he just doesn't like your hair or something.** _There's nothing wrong with my hair!_ ) "Anyway, what is it?" Oh good, back on topic.

"A statue honoring a hero of the sea."

"Are you talking about sis?"

"What? No. What are you even talking about?"

"Oh, well you see, sis gets her name from a god of the sea."

"Really? That's… unexpected."

"Hey! I'm still up here y'know!" Oh good, Bowser's still here to keep the plot going. Excellent! "And besides, if it's a great Hero, then I'm obviously the model! GAHAHAHAH!" Yeah sure, but one quick glance back at the statue would suggest otherwise. "... HEY! IT'S UGLY!" And so began the punching.

"Wait! Wait! No violence!"

"Hmph!" Holy crap, he actually stopped. "My eyes are much more manly than that!" Soon, the king's attention was brought back to the statue as it began violently shaking and even glowing a bit. "Whoa! This thing is moving!"

"What?! It's moving? That's not possible!" And yet the proof is in the pudding.

("Pudding?!" **How are you doing that?** "Yes." _I guess that's the best answer we'll get so let's not even bother._ **Agreed.** )

"Hey! What's the story with this crazy statue? It's going nuts!" Little did the koopa king know that the answer laid in wait on a floating saucer thingy.

"I HAVE CHORTLES!"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Cliffhanger is love, Cliffhanger is life._

 **Draco: Good stuff yo.**

 _Chisaku: Well, at least we can get back into the swing of things. We need to get to the pud-*cough*-point of the story._

 **Draco: Riiiiiiight… By the way, I just got my fifth dragon… a Steampunk dragon… I still need to kill you for getting me addicted to dragon raising.**

 _Chisaku: NAME IT NOIRE BEFORE I DIE!_

 **Draco: As if I could ever give Terrorbyte a name like that. Geez, what do you take me for? Don't worry though, we'll visit your grave with plenty of mechanized flowers… Unless he eats them first, but whatever.**

 _ **Draco & Chisaku: See you next time!**_


	12. I HAVE CHORTLES!

"I HAVE CHORTLES!" A loud voice rung out through the air with the power of a ball of goldness. Nostalgia was its name, domination was its game. "It is I who added the nuts to that statue!" How come bad guys get all the cool robot contraptions? Is that like, a flying phone?

"That voice!"

"I HAVE CHORTLES! Your plan that I laugh at now makes for more laughing! You are wanting your castle? You are not getting there!"

"OH, YES I AM!" The rage of blindness fueled the soul of powerfulness that was Bowser's. "Look, pal, I can tell you wanna fight, but I'm in no mood." ( _But you are in a mood, Bowser. That's the rage effect, hit the thing hard enough and you'll knock it further away._ **Where's Aki when I need him? Maybe I should call Fluffy instead.** ) "Take me to my castle right now!"

"You have the impatience…" Of hot-headedness? "You must stop and sample the sprinkles in life's salad bar. I say no to your rushing! Time instead for playing with a Fawfulized statue!" And off goes that flying contraption…

"Looks like we have no choice. Let's deal with that statue!"

"GWAHAHAHA! Aw, I was all fired up to let Fawful have it!" Like N***u? "I'll take you on instead!" Show time!

* * *

"Aww, I wanted to take apart that flying machine…" Nepgear... Do you even know what you're squatting in over there? Might wanna move. "It looked so cool too…" ( _Yes! We have another believer!_ **Don't make me hurt you.** _Fine. I'll stop… For now._ **You're still a target, remember?** _… Oh yeah... Whatever._ )

"Come on, Jr., we still have this!" Oh my god, is that the F****ion?! "Yeah, why? Oh… It sounds like a certain emo haired author is all jelly of my new sword." ( _What? No! Why would I be jealous that you get to use that beautiful, shiny, majestic-_ **Dude, you're drooling.** _MY F*RE EM***M SHIRT!_ ) "Pfffft… Y'know, now that I think about it… Why does this sword keep changing if I can't even use it?" ( **Don't worry about it, but you can rest assured that it'll only be brought up in Boss Fights from now on.** ) "Goodie!"

"Sis, look." Nepgear pointed to a stone squid-like thing. "It's lodged into Bowser's... What part of him is this again?"

"Does it matter? Let's bust it!" Holding up the Holy Sword that was the F**chi*n, Neptune hit the block above her head, closing in on it before cutting off one of its tentacles. Next she seemed to… Stop and stare at… us...? "Y'know if we keep doing this whole style of combat for even the boss fights it's gonna get kinda boring, right?" Well-

"Sis is right." Wait, you too? "It's one thing to do that in games, but if we keep doing it in this story it's bound to get really repetitive, right sis?"

"Exactly!" And… you're still whacking that thing… Oh god, it's almost dead too. "Ya see! There are so many more possibilities if we just ditch that old style." Well we can't really- "Come on! You guys said you were gonna do that for boss fights! Now keep your word!" ( **How does she know that?** _I don't... I'm just about as lost as you._ ) Well then… Whatever, you win! Let's do it- aaaaaand it's dead… Okay then. "Well yeah. It was just there, waiting to get beaten up on." Well… that quite an anticlimactic boss fight.

* * *

"Zzz... Huh? Wuzzat?" Bowser looked up, only to find withering trees blocking both ways out. A soft yawn came from him before he noticed that the statue was now back to normal for its standards, water pouring out from the pipe-like structures. "What's with this water? ...Actually, I am kinda thirsty." ( _That reminds me, I need to take my medicine._ **That reminds me. I still need to poison your medicine.** _I drank rat poison once. That was fun._ **I once drank dragon poison. I know how you feel.** )

* * *

"Look! That area over th-"

"Oh sweet, we're back on the map GUI with our floating heads!" Neptune...

Starlow's thoughts shifted to the uncanny. If she had hands, her face ( _Body?_ ) would be buried in her palm by now. "Just get over here."

"Um…" Came the ever so intelligent response from Nepgear. "How are we breathing underwater exactly?" To which Starlow was about to respond, until she realized she didn't have an answer. Luckily, someone else did.

"Oh come now, Jr. Surely you must know that underwater mechanics are more tedious than they are fun." ...How oddly insightful. "If we couldn't breathe underwater then it'd just make this kinda scenario much more tedious than it needs to be. Sure, it's more realistic, but too much realism isn't always a good thing."

"Oh! I see." Once again, the candidate was beaming with pride for her older sister. "Then let's go."

"Righto!" And so the Sisters; Purple swam, this was much more tedious, but at least their infinite reserves of energy were kicking in. "That reminds me, our health pools aren't as large as they used to be."

"But aren't the enemies just pushovers?"

"Yeah, but I miss them, they were all orange and would hang out at the bottom of the screen. It looked co-" The two slammed onto the ground that was Bowser's insides. "Nepu… Ouchies…"

"What happened?"

"I think Bowser stopped drinking water, I'll be back." Starlow flew up, defying basic laws of science and phasing through the entirety of the mass that was the 'roof' of Bowser's Pump Works. "Hey!"

* * *

"I think I drank too much…"

"Hey!"

"What?"

"Can you drink some more water for me?"

"What? No! Why?"

"Uh… Um… Your body's in rough shape. There's like… Filth in crust! Water might wash it out?"

"What? Filth? CRUST?!" Bowser's surprisingly careful about his insides…

"Oh yeah!"

"And you… You think you can fix me up in there?"

"Of course!"

"You can get my flame back?!"

"Definitely!"

"YOU CAN MAKE ME BETTER THAN MARIO?!"

"Totally!" She added a soft whisper afterwards. "Or not…"

"BWAHAHA!" He didn't hear that? "It's a deal! If you're for real, I'll drink as much as you want!" And so he drank.

* * *

"And so, began a long and tedious ordeal of water puzzles with sub-par mechanics!" Neptune shouted exasperatedly, still swimming around.

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: It feels like every chapter, we're getting more and more enveloped by Neptune._

 **Draco: Well what did you expect? Soon enough she'll probably become the narrator and we'll probably end up being forgotten completely.**

 _Chisaku: I mean, at least our narrator isn't us. Where'd you find him, by the way?_

 **Draco: I hatched him from an egg.**

 _Chisaku: ... Ok then._

 **Draco: Speaking of which, he looks pretty hungry. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go walk my dragon.**

 _Chisaku: Still, good stuff, yo._

 **Draco: Huzzah!**


	13. Where's the Scotch?

"Oh boy, a puzzle!"

"Sis, you don't have to be so sarcastic."

"No, I found a rainbow Puzzle Piece thingie!" Neptune held up the… Wait, how did that not get soggy and… ( **Do you even have to ask anymore?** _We don't really._ )

"Sis, where did you find that?"

"I don't know, but I can't see anything on this. But apparently, this is supposed to teach us a new Sisters Attack."

"... How is it any different from us making up our own skills?"

"Oh, how naive of you, Jr. Think about it, our skills are useless now that we can't freely attack because the stupid authors won't let us do it until we fight a big boss baddie!" ( _Hey, we still have to follow SOME sort of rules, too. Or else this would be Gary Stu/Mary Sue Hell._ ) "But this way, we can learn some new cooler moves, and show them off!" Regardless, the Planeptunian CPU had a good point.

At this point, Nepgear was done with questioning anything else, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Come on, Sis, let's just pick them up as we go and get through this underwater section that everyone dreads."

"Well hey, look on the bright side." What bright side are you referring to? "Knowing these authors they're probably not gonna wanna write about something so tedious and just skip to the next part of the story." ( **...** _…_ **It's true.** _Let's just... Keep going._ ) "See?"

"Well… I suppose that's something… I suppose."

"Exactly! Now onward, to victory! And then Planeptune! And then back to bed, cuz I am getting kinda tired of all this." You're not the only one.

"Going to bed sounds really good right about now."

* * *

"Whoa! Look, Jr.! It's a toad with a moustache!" Moustache?!

Indeed, it was such a Toad, trapped behind an odd wall of... What is that yellow substance? "Ah, hello!"

"Hello." Nepgear approached the wall.

"Er Hrm... Yes, I would ask for your names first, but this is no time for idle chit-chat, I walked hither and thither, after that lout had inhaled me, and I've found myself stuck."

"Hey, where's Princess Peach? Isn't she with you?"

"WHAT?! The Princess?! Don't tell me she was inhaled as well!"

"Yes, he inhaled everyone. Ugh, we're in a real fix. Even Toadsworth doesn't know where the Princess is." Oh, his name's Toadsworth. Quite an old bat, speaking like that.

"Horrors... The Princess... It rends the heart!"

"Hey, don't worry Toads-whatever! Jr. and I here will save that Princess! And any pudding along the way!" Neptune flashed her iconic grin. "I mean, come on! I got the legendary sword…"

"... Sis, where did you get that Tree Branch, and where did the sword go?"

"..." Indeed, all that was in the CPU's hand was a lonely twig, not even worthy of any attention. Barely any sharper than the very cane that Toadsworth carried. "Authors!" ( _That is so worth it._ **Is she gonna use that, cuz if not then Aki's in need of a good toothpick.** _It's a sword from a game though. I mean... It'd be troublesome when the branch goes back to being a sword again._ **True… Aki's teeth might accidentally break it...** ) "Like heck I'm gonna let you use my sword as a dragon's toothpick!" ( **How did you know Aki was a... Stupid question. Neptune Magic, I get it.** )

"OH THE HORRORS! THE PRINCESS IS ALL ALONE IN THIS MONSTER'S BODY!"

"Yeah, um... We need to get him out, he's officially lost it." Starlow turned back to the Sisters; Purple. "Why don't we search for a switch somewhere?"

"The shame…"

"The thing is, I don't think that twig is going to do much when it comes to denting this... Weir-"

"Found a thingie!" Neptune shouted from across the... Opening? "It's a tiny little thing, but I think one of us can squeeze through it."

"... Don't look at me!"

"Starlow, you're the only one that can fit, please!" Nepgear, careful bending over like that. "...!" What? Don't glare at me! ( **I guess Nepgear's gonna be the one to kill you instead of me.** _Aww, I'd rather a death by a Steampunk Dragon._ **Well, he's busy trying to stop that sky-whatever from becoming sentient at the moment, so…** _How many dragons do you even have now?_ **All of them.** ) "D-did you say Steampunk drago-" Focus please. "Oh… r-right…" I'll introduce you to him later. "Yes!" With a victorious fist pump, Nepgear smiled brightly. She also realized that Starlow seemed to be missing.

"Nah, she's right over there." Neptune pointed her thumb behind her. "You guys looked like you were busy so I went and threw her in there." Soon enough, the odd… barricade in front Toadsworth vanished, giving the old toad his freedom back.

"Huzzah! Sweet freedom! You two! You have my deepest thanks! May I ask for your names?"

And the two sisters responded by posing dynamically. Because why the hell not?

"I'm Neptune."

"And I'm her sister, Nepgear."

"Ah, I see. I take it you must be the older of the two." As soon as Toadsworth pointed his cane towards Neptune, the purple CPU was momentarily taken aback, but when she realized that Starlow was able to figure the same thing out, it started making more sense.

"I get it!" Oh boy. What is it now? "In this world, the older sibling is always the shorter one, isn't it?" Well… Actually we don't even know anymore so let's just go with "yes". "I knew it."

"If I may, I have one more request." Spoke Toadsworth. "Since it seems that Masters Mario and Luigi are not here at the moment, may I ask that you two seek out Princess Peach?"

"You bet your cane we will." Yeah! "I just hope this is the right castle."

"Sis, we're not even in a castle right now."

"Oh yeah… cool."

"Marvelous. Simply marvelous!" AQL? "The princess must be made safe at all costs! Speaking of which… I should tell you, as I made my way here, I spotted a huge, flat bug by some sort of door." Wait… Why does Bowser have doors in his body? Why am I even still questioning it? Back to the story! "It was wretched, to be sure! I shudder to think of it, but if it attacked the princess…"

"Goodness! That doesn't sound good." Said Nepgear.

"Righto! Do be careful against that large foul bug. Now then, I shall be off. I believe it would behoove us all if I were to find the other Toads and glean what I can." And with that, Toadsworth began to depart. "Help the princess! I count upon you!"

"So his plan is to ask two random girls he met in Bow-Bow's stomach for help?" Thank you for asking, Lieutenant Starlow. Captain Neptune, your response please.

"To quote a certain Ave***r, ahem," The purple haired girl took the chance to clear her throat before proceeding. "Not a great plan." Now you just need some scotch in one hand and we can recreate the scene perfectly.

"They have an army." Apparently Nepgear decided to play along as well.

"We have dragons." Huzzah!

* * *

 **A/N (?)**

 **Draco: Nothing like writing a new chapter while listening to heavy metal.**

 _Chisaku: Nothing like writing a new chapter while grinding to level 95._

 **Draco: Good stuff yo.**

 _Chisaku: Hm... AOE Heal, or More Damage?_

 **Draco: Well, when in doubt, flip a coin.**

 _Chisaku: Oh, ok._

 _ **Draco & Chisaku: Come again next time, Huzzah!**_

"And remember kiddies, It's Bad Luck To See A Spider At Night."

 _ **Draco & Chisaku: How are you doing this?! … Ah, who cares, end of chapter!**_


	14. PokeBug, GO!

"Oh yeah! It's time for our first actual boss, Nep Jr.!" Neptune said, her eyes brimming with determination! "You guys are way too addicted to that Und****le game, you know that?" Shut up, it's a great game. "Whatever! It's boss time! You ready, Jr.?"

"I'm ready!" The determination is real! And, as usual, we're gonna skip all of the unimportant stuff so as to not waste any time. ( _ **Huzzah!**_ )

"Holy cannoli! What the heck are those things?!" They… look like worms… Made of bone?

"What the goodness?!" Nepgear was having about as much trouble as Neptune in holding back her lunch at the idea that Bowser had those… Things in his body.

"Hmmm…" Starlow however, didn't seem quite as perturbed by the odd bone worm things. "Maybe we can use those to break through areas we normally wouldn't get through."

"Wait, but wouldn't that be like breaking several of Mr. Bowser's bones?" Nepgear has a point… Do it!

"... I think I'm going to enjoy this way more than I should." Whoa! Who knew that Starlow had such a sadistic streak to her? But that's enough original content for one day. Time skips ahoy!

* * *

"Uh… Jr.?"

"Y-yes, sis?"

"Is that supposed to be the boss?"

"I think so… Maybe."

Neptune and Nepgear weren't quite sure what they were looking at. It was… some sort of flat, circular bug resting on top of some odd pipe.

"Eek!" And then, out of nowhere it stuck out a super long tongue at the girls… Needless to say, but Nepgear didn't quite like the sight of it. Neither did Neptune, but at least she wasn't being a total pansy about it. ( _Uh… I think you got her mad again._ **Exactly! Now she's ready to stomp that bug into oblivion.** _Oh… Nice idea._ )

"Oh boy." Oh hey, Starlow, buddy. "I'm not your buddy." Owch… That stings ( _Like the Stingler the girls used to get here?_ **Stingler?** _You know, the weird electric shock-y thingie that opened the path to this place._ ) "I've seen these bugs. They live in Dimble Woods. Bowser must have inhaled it with whatever else he ate. But to have gotten this big… What's it been eating?" Cue the conveniently timed flames coming from the pipe underneath the bug.

"Oh… A bug that eats fire… Pocketed Monstrosities logic would indicate that it was weak to that stuff." Neptune said.

"Well maybe it's part fire type, sis." That… Would actually make a bit of sense. "Or maybe it has the ability Flash Fire!"

"At least that explains why Bow-Bow can't breath fire anymore."

Again, flames erupted from underneath the bug. "Well, let's bash its skull in!" Good idea, Neptune.

"EWW!" A displeased tongue was spat at Nepgear, who rocketed out of her spot and landed on the tongue boots-first.

"Nice thinking, Jr! Now hold still while I Nep this thing black and blue!"

"Sis! Don't leave me!" How did you get entangled like that? In such a short time? "It's all slimy, and disgusting!"

Oh, it's already almost de- "UWAH!"

"SIS WATCH OUT!" Ooh, using Nepgear as a projectile, add that onto the list of things she's been hit with this story alone. ( _I wonder if she's feeling happy right now, since she's so close to her sister._ **Well… She is a siscon.** ) "Ok… That's it!" You're both wrong.. "Hey, Mr. Bug, why don't you tell me how Hell feels? IF would LOVE to hear about it!"

"Jr.! Wait!" Neptune latched onto her little sister's arm. "Let's show off our new move!"

"Wait, but you don't have your special sword. You're holding a normal sword."

"Tsk, tsk, young Nepgear. Look closer." Behold! It was the Demon Slaying blade, the dark sword that pierced through the thousand sins of- ( **I am so going to kill you for making Aki say that.** _Hey, aren't you already going to kill me for being an influencing power of the birth of your army of Dragons?_ **Wait a minute… That's not Aki's voice…** _...Excuse me?_ ) -Otherwise known as, M***LETAINN! "It's like what's his face said! Missletainn! You don't have to censor it, by the way." Let me do me. You do you.

"..." Even the bug stared at Neptune, baffled.

"Just finish the fight already!" Starlow shouted, only to have the bug's slimy tongue to latch onto her. "HEY! THIS ISN'T HOW YOU TREAT A LADY!"

"Sis, let's do it!" Nepgear was now magically next to her sister, their backs touching. Oh hey, I can hear Nepgear's heartbeat! Don't glare at me like that.

"Sister Attack," Neptune slowly raised her arms, Missl***nn in one hand. " _Misslepainn_!" An uppercut slash opened the combo, throwing the bug to squirm helplessly in the air.

The atmosphere froze, Nepgear's sword held high above the bug as she slammed into it, throwing it back into the ground. "Hiyah!" The Sisters; Purple impaled their swords through the bulging eyes of the bug, feeling the satisfaction as it exploded into coins, a mushroom, and a slime-covered Starlow.

"Nice work, Jr.!" Neptune said as she patted her sister's head, to which Nepgear just giggled contently.

"Aw gee. Thanks sis." Spoken like a true siscon. "And now that that bug is gone, maybe Mr. Bowser will be able to breathe fire again."

"Mission accomplished!" Spoken like a true Protagonist. "Starlow, mind telling the big guy the good news?"

"Sure. I guess I owe you guys one for getting me out of that thing." But before Starlow could even do anything.

* * *

"Whoa, what happened? My flame is back!" The burly king was astonished seeing himself breath flames again. Boy, did it feel good having his fire power back!

"You had a bug problem! You sucked one up and it plugged your flame pipe!"

"What?! Really?!"

"We already took care of it! Calm down, will you?"

"GWAHAHAHA!" Bowser let out a hearty laugh, content with the news. "Not too shabby! I might have to make you an honorary minion!"

"Uh… No thanks!" Yeah… That sounds like it would be terrible.

"Hmph! Well forget I offered. No one needs to know. What's your name, anyway?"

"Uh… My name?"

"Yeah. Your name. Give me it."

"Uh… Ummmmm… My name is um…" A short silence came. "CHIPPY!"

"And I'm Nep Skywalker!"

"And I'm uh…" Siscon! "Gear Skywalker!"

"Huh, weird names." Bowser shrugged them off. "Either way, the Flame Captain is back, baby! He's got a fiery temper-" (Bowser, you just earned some respect points.) "Don't interrupt me, emo hair!" ( _( ' _ ` )_ . **You really should have seen that coming.** ) "To my Castle, we storm!"

* * *

"Neptune, Nepgear, let's let Bowser do his thing." Starlow began.

"Yeah, since we can't go any further this way, and it didn't look like there were any other changes." Nepgear chimed in.

"Maybe he'll find some changes if he gets to just enjoy a walk."

"We'll find out next time, on Nep Ball Z!"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: DAMN YOU FLOWEY!_

 **Draco: How many freaking narrators do we have now?**

 _Chisaku: Um... We were the narrators at one point, then it was Aki, and then Fluffy, and then I had Lulin sub for me one week, and then we had..._

 **Draco: Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there. I get it, we've had a lot.**

 _Chisaku: At least we have Pundertale and Witty Titles to laugh at._

 **Draco: That reminds me… I need to go feed Fluffy before it's too late.**


	15. BLOCKED CHAPTER

"You again?! You just love this place, huh, blockface?" Bowser came across the very same block head he had just dealt with before that spitting image of him that was the weird robot statue. "Looks like I have an emo's skull to crack." ( _I cut my hair, I'm not so emo anymore, so hah!_ ) "Whatever."

"Oh! Monsieur Turtle Bits... Why is poor moi here, he asks... Well... I have zee troubles." Turning his back to the burly king, his eyes scoured back and forth as if looking for something. "My petit pet block," They have those? "He is lost to moi..." ( _They have pet blocks?_ **Chisaku, you played the game.** _Let me add to the plot._ ) "ALLOOOOOOO! MON CUTE BROGGY! COME BACK TO MOI! I AM MISSING YOU!"

"BROOF BROOF" You're kidding me, these things exist? Is there a block Dragon then? ( _Hey Draco, I think you found the next update for that Dragon game._ **That reminds me, I need to get Ichorus to slime you after this.** _I mean, he's narrating so that works out._ ) The two figures turned to the source of the... Is that considered barking? Either way, they stared at the block-dog peeking out from a tree up ahead. "BROOF BROOF" It drew closer.

"MON CHERI! Petit Broggy!" It's not petit. That thing is twice as big as you. "You returnez! Come to moi, honh? Give us zee petite hug you like so well!" He has a spiked collar on! Why would you wa-

* * *

"And then it tackled him down!" Neptune shouted, throwing her hands into the air. "Then it was Dogoozilla versus King Drogorah!"

"And? How did it end?" Looks like these three are enjoying a chat. Starlow's actually into this for once.

"Eww... The slime must've gotten all over the buildings..." Nepgear physically shuddered, the memories of the slimings... Don't glare at me like that!

* * *

"Man, you are priceless. This thing is your pet?"

"Oui, although it seems today he is not his usual self, honh? I can do nothing when he is like zis. Could you teach him zee manners, s'il vous plait?"

"Pfft! No prob, buddy! It'll take about one punch!" Like the anime? ( **Bowser's not even bald, of course not like the anime.** )

"No! Don't do-" But all Bowser heard was 'Blah, blah, blah, tutorial, blah, blah, flames.' In the ( _heat_ ) spur of the moment, all Bowser needed was raw muscle for this. He winded back his mighty fist, gathering up muscle power, or whatever the hell it's called, and slammed his fist into the weird block dog's face! The force of such a devastating blow would most certainly prove to be-

"Broof." Completely ineffective. And, to translate what the odd block dog said, it goes like this: "Bitch please." Or something like that.

Of course, seeing as how sheer violence didn't do anything, he went with the next best solution. Even more violence! He wound back his fist again and punched with all his might, and then again, and again, and two more times after that, And... He still wasn't doing crap to it. The whole scenario just pissed the king off to no end, but it got even worse when the block dog started laughing(?) at him.

"GRAAAAAA!" Well, since his fists weren't doing anything, and since the dog was still too busy laughing at the king mockingly, he decided that now would probably be a good time to get back in touch with his inner pyrotechnic.

The king took a few steps back, gulping in as much air as he could. After a few seconds of this, the dog had stopped laughing and was giving big old Bow-Bow an odd look before shifting back into its usual, vicious snarl. The dog charged at the koopa king…

"GRAAAAAAHHHHH!" Charging straight into the burning flames that came out of the king's mouth. Needless to say, but it wasn't really the most pleasant of experiences. The blocky beast yelped at the feeling of flames scorching its body, immediately trying to run around frantically to put out the flames… Why didn't it just stop, drop and… Oh right, it's still a block… I guess… Wait, wouldn't that still work even if it was a block? Whatever! It ran frantically, however, this also had a rather unfortunate side effect.

While the dog was running about, it gave Bow-Bow a pretty darn good look at the bandages on its back. The koopa king chuckled to himself, realizing that maybe violence was indeed the answer. He reared back his fist, watching the dog run like a lunatic ( _Plus?_ ) all over the place looking as if its head was cut off, (I swear there's an animal abuse joke there.), only to run right by the range of raw beefy-Bow-Bow. This time, the force smacked it away, flying in the air a couple feet away.

"Ah! So very cute, even as he runs away from moi!" Getting up like he was totally fine, the monsieur watched on as his Broggy ran off back from whence it came. "I am missing him already! Wait! Petit Broggy! FORGIVEZ MOI!"

"The heck was that all about?" Was all the King could really say at such an absurd situation. Well, at least now he could get back to taking his castle back without any interruptions… At least he hoped so, but there were a bunch of weirdos in the Mushroom Kingdom, so it was just wishful thinking at this point. "Don't remind me, ya weird… Dragon thing."

* * *

"And then, Jet Puma grabbed Segalon from behind while Dogoozilla used his tail to slide across the ground and delivered the sweetest drop kick of all time." Neptune finished enthusiastically.

"Wow! It sure has been a while since we've seen that movie hasn't it, sis?" Nepgear asked, smiling like a total nerd. It was kind of hard not to since Jet Puma was one of her favorites from out of all the kaiju movies she and Neptune had watched together. Second only to Hiryuu, also known as, Mechadogoozilla 3.

"It sure has. Hey, you wanna have a kaiju marathon once we get back home?" Aw man, that sounds awesome. "Girls only." That sounds lame.

"You bet I do!" And so the two smiled, having set up some plans for when they finally got home.

"I wonder if we have those kinds of movies here in the Mushroom Kingdom…" Starlow said to no one in particular. I mean, how could somebody not be excited at the prospect of giant monsters whaling on each other until the other fell over.

"Well if they do we should totally go see them. Although I doubt they have anything as cool as deathstoroyah. He's my fav." Is it because he's purple? "No, it's because he has a giant horn that's also a laser katana." Oh yeah, I love that guy!

And thus ends the story of

Dogoozilla and Jet Puma teaming up to defeat Segalon.

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: So, Paris for drinks?_

 **Draco: I'm bringing my dragons this time. Fluffy's getting especially tired of sharing a cave with Aki.**

 _Chisaku: Oh sweet, I get to die by Dragons! ^~^_

 **Draco: There's also the chance that they'll just forget about us and end up destroying the city.**

 _Chisaku: Right... I'll bring Dragoon Armor just in case._

 **Draco: Yeah… Too bad though. I liked Paris.**

 _ **Draco & Chisaku: See you in the next one!**_


	16. Goomba Dance

"Graaagh!" A pitiful cry took the attention of the Koopa King. Searching across a river revealed a cage of Goombas.

"Haaalp!"

"Can't… Breath… Foot in face…"

"I WANT MY MOMMY!"

"DAMN YOU FAWFUL!"

"SCREW YOU BOB!" Who's Bob? ( _Who's Bob?_ "Who's Bob?" **A giant piece of wank.** )

"Did you just say Fawful?!" Bowser's rage intensified on the spot, shouting across the way.

"Bowser!"

"Bowser, Bowser!"

"Bowser, help us!"

"Hold up, what did you say about Fawful?" Bowser could already feel his blood boil. This was not good for his high blood pressure.

"He hit hard… Like, real hard. None of us had time to prepare, not even the Elites." A Goomba shouted over, every word stinging them every bit as much as when a certain Red-clad plumber had Iron Boots all and stomped them.

"GRAAAAAAAH!" Flames erupted over the water, the burliness of a king enraged. "DID I NOT ORDER YOU TO KEEP UP YOUR TRAINING?!"

"Right… No wonder Mario always stomps us…" They conceded, visible dread marks over the cage that surrounded them. Oh, did I also forget to mention that they were on a peninsula? My bad.

"I'll get you chumps out. But you're going to go through Bowser's _Special_ training program, got it?"

The Goombas gulped and… Are they bouncing up and down? "We're nodding!" Oh, ok.

Bowser kept moving, thoughts still provoked over losing his Castle, and his elite troops losing to him. They were chucked in cages into the world. He was so angry! He wanted to throw… A conveniently placed Wiggler statue. That worked.

* * *

"Look, his arm is reacting aga-"

"SHINY!" Neptune ran ahead.

"W-Wait, Sis!" Nepgear pursued after her, returning to the large muscle that was Bowser's arm. It was time to shock some pow-right, they don't have that sword anymore.

"This time, I'm doing it!" Neptune triumphantly held up a jagged sword, a yellow hilt and a lightning-bolt appearance to the blade. "It's the L***n Sword!" ( _Draco, this is torture._ **I'm sure Krenos would be glad to put you out of your misery.** _Sweet… Who's Krenos?_ **Lightning dragon.** _Sweet._ ) "Yep, he's jealous." The CPU; Purple snickered, before raising it up. "Incantation thingie!" A large bolt of lightning struck the muscle. A barrage of them followed, looking like the perfect weather for killing a certain not-so-emo-looking co-author until the muscle bulged out, their job was finished.

* * *

Bowser lifted the statue, his muscles feeling ever so ripped. A large 'sploosh' came as each segment of said Wiggler statue plummeted into the pond, creating an oddly shaped bridge to the peninsula. ( _Wait, if it was surrounded on all sides, wouldn't it just be an island?_ ) That's strike 16. ( _Oh, sweet._ ) Either way, the beefy king could save his troops now, so he might as well give those fungus-heads an idea of true hell. Busting that cage open, he crossed his arms. "It's time for Bowser's Special training course, with your instructor, Flames."

"I have weeping!" Oh look, another Fawful machine. "You have moved Fawful with the reunion of sappiness, the drama of family."

"Shut up! And don't mess with my minions!"

"But now I have the chortles, I did the messing with the minions. They are now scattered, tossed like litter of kittens."

"HURRY UP ALREADY!"

"I have fodder enemies!" The machine dropped useless enemies before flying off. That dude is totally whipped, wonder how Iris Heart would do here.

In another dimension, Plutia sneezed softly, before returning to sleep without another thought, except for maybe when she'd take her next nap.

"..." Bowser just gaped at these 'fodder' enemies. The purpose of fodder enemies was to just slow someone down for maybe a few minutes, but uh… Living trees weren't going to slow Bowser down for even a few seconds.

"Some fighting will be slowing"

"BLAAAAAARRRRGH!" Oh god that sounded like he was vomiting.

"..."

"So… Is that it all you got?"

"...I HAVE FURY!"

And without another word, the machine Fawful had left to taunt Bowser made its escape with great haste. And it might have just been his imagination, but Bowser could have sworn he heard someone screaming on the other side of that thing.

* * *

"WHAT KIND OF MORON TRIES TO STOP A FIRE-BREATHING TURTLE MONSTER WITH TREES?!" What kind of moron partners with a guy like that? "I HEARD THAT!" ( **Isn't she lovely?** _Are you being sarcastic?_ **I might be.** )

"Leave Lord Fawful alone or I will be forced to-"

"It looks like we're having roast pork tonight."

"..."

"GAH! Midbus! Do not be running away without me!"

("Awww. I really miss Arfy." **...Isn't she your sworn nemesis?** "Yeah, but she's like the life of the party. A good protagonist needs a good villain after all. It's way more fun with her around." _I see..._ **Indeed.** )

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming. On days like these, emo haired guys… SHOULD BE BURNING IN HELL… Oh wait, that includes me too… Kind of.**

 _Chisaku: Huh. Didn't I tell you I cut my hair? I'm not so emo looking anymore._

 **Draco: Do you really think that's going to stop anyone?**

 _Chisaku: I mean… Probably not. Well, just send the Dragons my way. I'd love to see how my Avsaris would fare~_

 **Draco: You do realize that I have an Avsaris as well, right?**

 _Chisaku: LET'S GET READY FOR A DEATH BATTLE!_

* * *

 _Post-Scriptum: Sorry for the short chapter this week, guys! We're both really burned out, but got a good amount done. Might as well be punctual with it. Again, really sorry, but seeya guys next week! :D  
~Chisaku_


	17. How to Raise Saiyans 101

After a whole 'nother section of forests that the authors are too lazy to put us all through, our Koopa King made his way into a large clearing with some faces he knew anywhere. A soft smirk grew across his face as if knowing instantly.

"Haff… Hoff… No good… I tweaked my back…" A Goomba with a blue Christmas hat flopped onto the ground, attracting the attention of both the Paratroopa and the Shy Guy. ( _Hey, Aki's on a roll this time! Usually he wouldn't know the enemies._ **I don't even know if that's Aki anymore. For all we know, the booth is just open and random people keep popping in to narrate whatever they want.** )

"Get it together, Private Goomp. Let's scout the area, at least." The Green Shy Guy spoke up, a bag of weapons on his back. A Kamek-ian staff was protruding from it.

"I wonder what everyone else is doing right now…" Private replied, wait, is he ok? He's shaking uncontrollably.

"I bet they're hurting bad. I mean, you guys were there. That scene was GNARLY." The surfer Paratroopa shuddered slightly at the memory. Was it really that bad? We won't know because plot reasons. ( _ **And understandably Neptune magic.**_ )

"Think we're the only ones who escaped?"

"No, doubt it Minions." Bowser finally said something. Huh.

"BOWSERRRRR!" All three exclaimed with the happiness of Lord Fawful on a glorious day of goodness.

"So… My Castle got taken over, huh?" Nodding along to the information being fed right back into him. "That Fawful weirdo and that hag I heard weren't joking, then…"

"Yeah… It… Well, this weird trio just showed up and went nuts. The witch really did a toll on everything while the other two led a charge. Huge attack, and like that the Castle was theirs." Goomp stomped in place.

"Uh-huh, we were uh… Doing a um, uh… Tactical Retreat and grabbed the canon on our way back, hoping to use it." The Paratroopa gestured to the gargantuan canon that weighed more than Bowser.

"But uh… There's one problem." The Shy Guy cowered a bit, afraid to say the next line.

"Let me guess, no Banzai Bill." Bowser held up his palm.

"Yeah, it was my fault, entirely." The flying turtle could feel a storm coming.

"IDIOTS!" ( _Oh, sounds like us and a certain perverted writer._ **I know about 7 perverted writers, you're gonna have to be specific.** _The fat one._ **Ah.** ) "Wow, why am I not surprised? Look, chumps, if there's no Banzai Bill around, then go find one! We've launched hundreds at Mario over the years, there's got to be ONE lying around. That Fat Plumber doesn't have the time nor energy to crush every single one now." Ooh, sick burn by Bowser. ( _Puns!_ )

"Right!" Goomp jumped to action. "So uh… where are they again?"

"IDIOTS! I'm telling you to go find one because we don't know where they are!"

"R-RIGHT AWAY SIR!" All three scattered.

"... Well, time to go look myself."

"... I was just about to say something about that." Starlow called from Bowser's stomach.

"Seeing as how they forgot the ammo, how reliable do they seem to find some and bring it?" Wow, Bowser with the logic for once in his life! "I'm going to kill that Emo writer." ( **You're gonna have to wait in line. It's been getting bigger every day.** ) "I ain't waiting in line." ( **They have free snacks if you do.** ) "..." ( **Thought so.** )

And so, after that little escapade, the Koopa King, Bow-Bow made his way onwards once more. He walked, and as he walked, so did the writers describe how he walked. Sauntering, jogging, occasionally waltzing even, until he eventually found his way to what appeared to be a farm. It was… quite surprising to the koopa king to say the least.

"What is this stuff? They look like crops!" Impressive work, detective obvious. "Who the heck FARMS in this kingdom?" He said, grinding his teeth together in suppressed rage.

"Careful! Don't you know?" And in comes a small wiggler, just wiggling on by. "Wiggler Family Farm has raised vegetables for generations." ( **They've been raising Saiyans? You can GROW saiyans?** _I know what we're doing after this._ )

"Hey. Bug. Do I look like I care about vegetables?" Seeing as how those vegetables become more nutritious after every battle, you SHOULD care. "Shut up!" Moody much. "So listen up. You seen a Banzai Bill around here?"

"Banzai Bill? Not here." And back to square one. "Violence isn't farm fresh, no. Here we just have fine organic vegetables free from pesticides. Peach has a standing order. You should try them. Free-range carrots are absolutely divine." At least until their brother, the radish, shows up to kidnap their carrot children. "Full of vitamins and minerals. Wonderful for a lustrous golden mane. Aids beauty and dietary health. Also good for burning fat, healing joints, firming nostrils, supplying nutrition to muscles…"

"SHUT UP!" How rude. He didn't even get to how they make you make you super muscular yet. "Vegetable are GROSS! Don't you have any meat?"

"Meat? Oh, absolutely not. A healthy body craves no meat. And those who make fun of vegetables will one day pay." They will pay when those vegetables are charging up their beam attacks and destroying your planet. "Exactly." And without another word, the wiggler wiggled off, wiggling his wriggly parts behind a boulder placed next to a very large, hollow log.

Down this log went the King, of course still needing to find a Banzai Bill, only to find a large, golden super carrot planted in the ground. "GWAHAA! Talk about a huge veggie! Not bad. If this is all we got, then veggie ammo it is!"

* * *

"And so… After another tedious sparkling of Bowser's muscles, we find our heroines still in the exact same spot with nothing to do." Neptune sighed exasperatedly.

Nobody wants to comment? Ok. Story.

* * *

Out of the ground went the carrot, as did a massive Wiggler stampeding out of it. "The great Giga-Carrot! Raised by-"

"Listen, chump. I need it for ammo since I don't have a Banzai Bill now can it." Bowser cut off the caterpillar.

"Oh, a Banzai Bill? I have one, I've had it for years. A long time ago it fell into the pastures." Snidely, he added something at the end. "But you don't care about the Wiggler family story? How rude…" Obviously not. That story didn't have a single explosion in it.

"Gimme."

"Oh, yes. I would, but you need to learn a lesson or two about honor. So first of all, you need to take responsibility for yanking out the great Giga-Carrot. Then we can talk Banzai Bill." ( _Looks like Bowser has to pay a real bill._ **He has to pay a bill to get back his Bill? _BILLCEPTION!_** )

"Responsibility?"

"You heard me, you yanked out the great Giga-Carrot that the Wiggler has been tending to your generations. Now take responsibility… AND EAT IT."

"Eat THAT?! It's huge!"

"That's been how the Wiggler family works for ages, now eat it."

"Like I said, it's huge!"

"Fine, don't eat it. No Banzai Bill." What is this thing, a parent?

"Hmph… Ok, fine! Got any hot sauce?" On a carrot?

"By the way, there's a time limit." Which is super stupid and tedious. "You have one minute to eat it all."

* * *

"Wippee!" Neptune exclaimed, sliding down part of Bowser's intestine. "This is fun! It's like a huge slide! WHEEEEEEE!" That leads you to death. ( _Slideway to Hell?_ ***Smack*** _Was that the sound of your palm smacking your face?_ **Actually, I don't know who that was.** ) "So let's skip the boring tutorial stuff like the authors would, and help Bowser digest this carrot! Oh and uh… Starlow, why is your face red all of a sudden?"

"No reason in particular." ( ** _It was her?_** )

"Ok then, let's do this! Jr.!"

"Right, Sis!" Out came their swords, ready to cut up the pieces of carrot that came down the drain to bits and pieces. "Oh, and, if you see any shiny pieces, break those first, Sis!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" The older of the two waved her left hand a bit, admiring her sword. (Damn, we are piling on the F**e ***lem swords this month.) Here it was, the sacred Sealed Blade of the boy known as the Y**ng Li*n. "Ready?"

* * *

"Produced, Sponsored and Recorded by Wigglers, the Giga-Carrot eating!"

"No carrot defeats me!" Bowser shouted, his jaws digging in. Too bad he didn't notice that his hair was turning gold and whatnot.

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Sorry it's late._

 **Draco: People still read this?**

 _Chisaku: Come to think of it, there have been no new reviews or readers. Oh well._

 **Draco: Does that mean we can just keep filling these chapters with random junk for our own amusement?**

 _Chisaku: Why would we stop in the first place?_

 **Draco: Onward towards the path of Paris!**

 ** _Draco & Chisaku: HUZZAH!_**


	18. The Line Grows

"So before we get onto the chapter." Neptune interjected, sitting down in a cliche black background with a light only on her. "Are we really going to force the readers through this carrot eating contest?" ( _ **... Why would we?**_ **Who's… Ah, who cares?** _Oh sweet._ )

In summation, Neptune hit the shiny things, the carrots disappeared, all is right with the world. Now can we get to the story? ( _ **Yes.**_ )

* * *

"I can't believe it. An eating record! And what a record! Under a minute!" Obviously there had to be some cheating involved for Bowser to finish this fast. ( _Should we even bother trying to educate whoever the author is?_ **Does it matter?** ) "How very splendid. Now let's have a round of applause for Bowser. Not that anyone saw that."

"Hey, I took responsibility. Gimme my Banzai Bill." Bowser for once didn't feel bad for eating vegetables.

"What? What Banzai Bill?" Wiggler replied obliviously.

"Don't start, pal! We had a deal!"

Whoa, caterpillars can go red? ( _Oh hey, Wiggler went SWGSW._ ) "You come into our peaceful garden and contaminate it! You yank out our Giga-Carrot and EAT it! Now face Wiggler's wrath!"

"You told me to eat it!" Getting equally furious.

"I'll take you out like compost, for the legacy of the Wigglers that you sullied!"

"You like compost? I'll compost your face! SHOWTIME!" The Koopa King bared his fists as the Wiggler charged, a force equal to that of the very power of- ( **Enough.** _Fine…_ ) gravity forcing them to fall if they were skydiving. Ouch, that punch has got to hurt. "Heh, what's wrong? You're not looking so red anymore, are you calming down?" A taunt echoed for a taunt, only to receive a stiff leer from the caterpillar. "Oh, seriously? Thanks for letting me find out how to pummel you to death!" Winding a punch, the Koopa king unleashed it on a segment of the WIggler, that segment changing back to the original yellow color again.

"Stop that…!" He waddled back a bit, his boots magically disappearing to reveal a set of hands and a watering can. Watering the ground sprouted vegetables which he plucked and threw at the beefy ( **and totally not overweight** ) king.

"How long is the line now?" Bowser inquired in-between punching the falling vegetables. ( **Yes.** ) "That's not a good answer!" ( **Yes.** ) "I hate you." ( **Good for you, Bow-Bow.** ) "AAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHH!"

"Oof!" Holy crap he just Fal**n Pun***d that thing into oblivion. ( **More like unconsciousness.** ) "Ouchouchouchouch… I can't bear it if you damage the rest of our organic crops… Also why is your hair gold?"

"Say what now?" Clearly he's ascended to the level of a Super Koopajin. "...That sounds lame." And without another word the big Wiggler wiggled his way back into the hole where the legendary super carrot once rested. Sadly, Bow-Bow's hair returned to its normal color as well. "Finally."

"Please just take this and leave out property." And before the king even knew it a large Banzai Bill came flying out of the hole the Wiggler wiggled into… Wait… That's no ordinary Banzai Bill.

"Oh don't tell me." Could it be? "No." The even more legendary! "NO NO NO." The ascended super Banzai Bill?! Golden hair and all? "Oh for Pete's sake!" Who's Pete and why should I care? "AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!"

Truly nothing could be more amusing than messing with the Koopa… Why are you holding your stomach?

"Oof! Hrrrrg?" Uh, what exactly is- "OWWWW!"

"What? What is it? What's wrong?" And in comes "Chippy" to try and get a handle on the situation.

"Ouch! Owwwww! What the-YOWCH!" Bowser was practically doubling over in pain as the "MY BELLY HURTS!" How rude.

"What is it, do you think? You ate too much carrot?"

"GROWCH!" It was probably the carrot. Even after consumption, the legendary super carrot has the will of a warrior. "Listen! Ch-Chippy! Do Something! Preferably killing this guy!" Hey. "I can't take this! Now! Make it better!"

"But the kingdom's in dange-"

* * *

"Fear not, Sir Bow-Bow! We, the Skytrotting siblings shall cure what ails you!" Oh, how heroic, Lady… Skytrotting? ( _ **Don't ask.**_ ) O...kay.

"Ugh… Fine, I guess we have no choice. Let's go."

"Roger. And I think I know where to start." How do you know? And you can't just say Neptune mag- "Nepgear magic?" ...Et tu, Brute?

"Jr! I'm so proud of you! Head pats for you."

"Oh. It's no big deal, really." She says, looking very proud of herself. "But we should really go." And go they did, into the one place where a lot of pain could derive. "Here we are, Bowser's Nerve Cluster."

"Nerve What's-it?"

"Sis, it's where a bunch of his nerves are, so if his stomach area hurts, this should be one of the first places we should check." Nepgear replied triumphantly, holding her sword by her waist. "So let's fi-" She was cut off by a loud thud. Oh wow, a worm broke through Bowser's bone. Not something you see everyday. ( _And you see a giant blue worm inside of a walking, talking, fire-breathing Ox-Turtle with a spiked shell everyday?_ **Turtle-Dragon. Gosh! Do you even watch Game Ex-Chang?** ) Touche.

"Oh hey there, buddy. Are you that Wiggler's friend?" Starlow tried to talk to the worm. "... Not much of a talker, huh? Well…"

"Why is it so big?" ( _Innuendos!_ ) Hah, I get it. What? Don't glare at me, glare at the author who started it!

"Well, Jr. it probably ate fodder enemies that IF would punt across the world in less than a second." Neptune replied, back in her sleuthing garb.

"Uh-Huh…"

"So… What now?" The tiny fairy-thing looked between the two parties.

"Death to worms inside of Bow-Bow!" ( _ **Huzzah!**_ ) Neptune and Nepgear charged, swords in hand. "Oh, and I love this new sword. It reminds me of that Lastation game Noire developed, Final Battle."

"Take thi- Uwah!" Just before Nepgear could make contact with her sword, a strange, white little creature with a shield and spear jumped down from the ceiling in front of the purple candidate, halting her in her tracks.

"What the heck are-"

*GULP*

"...Did it just eat those things?" Neptune looked quite taken aback-Oh hey, it's getting bigger… "Holy cannoli! It's getting bigger!"

"So that's what it's been eating." Thank you captain obvi-Please stop glaring at me. "Ugh. Come on, sis. Let's exterminate it."

"Roger, Doger!" And so began the battle.

The odd worm thing began by charging at the duo of sisters, but Neptune was too fast for it. And by too fast, I mean she side-stepped and it kept charging and making itself look like an idiot.

"Hiyah!" Nepgear took this chance to slash at the thing's rear as it tried to halt its own momentum. The candidate landed a successful blow on the worm's rear-end, causing it to lash out with its tail in an attempt to strike at the girl, but to no avail. Nepgear easily backflipped away from the oncoming swipe while Neptune took the opportunity to charge in and leap over the creature, performing a spinning slash attack onto the thing's back.

"How ya like me now?" Taunted the purple CPU as she slid forward, carried forward by the momentum of her own jump.

Apparently, not at all. It stomped on the ground, three more of those tiny white creatures surged forward to form a protective barrier around the worm as an oddly shaped purple straw protruded from the ground. I wonder which glare is deadlier, this thing's glare or Nepgear's. Ok, I'm sorry, please don't hurt me.

"Sis!" But it was too late, before they could act, the creatures charged the the Sisters; Purple, holding them back and away from the worm.

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Well, at least you're feeling better than yesterday, Draco._

 **Draco: Well… Boros hype will do that to ya.**

 _Chisaku: Mm… Papyrus's mixtape gives me a better mood all the time._

 **Draco: Asgore's theme always gets me pumped for some action!**

 _Chisaku: But you should never forget Spider Dance._

 **Draco: Whereas Megalovania sits at the very top as the highest quality spaghetti in the ocean of delicious music in the Undertale OST.**

 _Chisaku: And Death By Glamour is up there, too. Them legs though._

"Oh, would you two just finish this already. The audience is dying for some more fabulous."

 **Draco: ...How did he get in here?**

 _Chisaku: I… Don't know._

"Tune in next time for the conclusion, my lovelies."

 _ **Chisaku & Draco: WE'RE NOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH!**_

"Of the battle."

 _ **Chisaku & Draco: Oh… Right. See ya guys...there. Huzzah.**_


	19. Death By Digestion

"So there we were, trapped by the oncoming waves of tiny soldier things and the worm about to do… Whatever it was that it was doing…" Neptune trailed off, pausing a brief moment to make sure her non-existent audience was listening.

"Come on, Sis, there's nobody here." The younger siscon sighed, staring down at their current predicament.

"Not now, Jr., we're getting to the best part!"

"Oh, come on!"

* * *

Unable to do anything, the Sisters; Purple watched as the worm sucked an oddly colored fluid out of the straw-like figure that protruded from the ground. "THAT'S how it gets BIGGER?!" No, Nepgear. That's totally how it gets smaller. What? Don't look at me. "What do we do now?"

"I'll Nep you black and blue!" Oh wow, she's mad for once. Should be amusing. "Hiyah!" Oh my… She's… That going to leave a mark. And so is that, and that too. Everything is- ( _Lulin, get out, I'm taking over._ ) The Goddess of Purple Progress tore through the enemies holding her down, impaling her sword into the worm repeatedly once she finally fought her way to it. With every stab sinking deeper and deeper in, only pleasure resulted from its inevitable death.

"Um… Never thought she would be able to do that." Though it seemed the flying sprite-thing was crying, it was merely a bead of sweat three times too big. "In any case, we should keep going further, maybe what we're looking for is up ahead."

Onwards they pursued the depths of the area, only to be met with an onslaught of enemies hanging from the ceilings. "Sis?"

"Yeah, Jr.?"

"You're back, right?"

"Yes I am."

"Sis?"

"Yeah, Jr.?"

"We should run."

"Way ahead of ya, Jr." Huh. Never thought someone as lazy as Neptune would be able to sprint about as fast as she can fly on an off day. ( **What the hell was that?** _What?_ **There was actual build-up from last chapter for this fight and now we're ending it so anticlimactically?** _Have you started caring?_ **Well, I'm done for the day.** ) "Spoilers! He's not!" How would you even know that? "Yes!"

"Uh… sis… I think we may be in trouble." Oh good, somebody noticed. Now that the two sisters actually stopped to look, they were in a very unsavory situation. Two pillars of the weird white things coming from the ceiling, or whatever the hell it was supposed to be, were drilling into the platform the sisters were apparently standing on. And, as one would expect it didn't take long before it fell down and the two were stuck in another weird part of bowser, with a blocked path and everything.

"Ooh, a blue switch thingy."

"Who the heck are-"

"WAAAAATTAAAAAA!"

And with a quick dynamic kick of ultimate swagger, as Neptune would put it, the path became clear.

"Hey! So are we just gonna leave this random toad here like that?" Starlow called out. It was a bit of a stupid question though, considering who she was traveling with.

Of course… uh… You see… "Uh, sis… The path is still blocked." Nepgear exclaimed awkwardly, poking her fingers together as she did so. It would have been way too easy if it just worked out all the time, now wouldn't-

"Whoa! My arm feels funny!"

Yeah… Just go back to Bow-Bow then. Who cares what the narrator has to say.

* * *

"What the heck are you guys even doing in there?" Whatever you want them to do. "Shut up!"

"We hit a thing." ...That is the perfect way to describe what they just did. "Why, what happened?" Asked the purple CPU

"...Okay. Well, my stomach started feeling better, but now my arm hurts." How does that even work? ( **In about 10 minutes, you're gonna get a toe cramp.** _Can you actually make that happen?_ **Well, I guess we'll see in 10 minutes.** ) Suuuuuuuure. Anyway, back to Bow-Bow.

"Hmmmm… Try hitting something." Oh yeah, great idea Starlow. "Shut it. I was talking to this toad guy and he said I should get Bow-Bow to punch while moving."

"That's… Wait, what's this about a toad?" You swallowed a-

RRRRIIIIIIIBBBBIIIIITTTT

"..." …

"Nice one, sis." Nepgear said quietly to her older sister. Apparently Bow-Bow had a frog in his throat. ( _Looks like the frog caught his tongue._ )

"...Okay then." Having no idea what else to do, Bowser simply did as he was told and punched. While moving. What he was not expecting was for his body to be dragged forward by the force of his punch. "Whoa!" Yeah, Bow-Bow! Do the electric slide! "I'll slide all over your face! With my shell!" That sounds painful. "Now back to that cannon."

With his destination firmly in mind, the king Koopa proceeded forward, punching boulders out of his way, making a shortcut that conveniently led back to the cannon with his incompetent men all chatting with one another.

"Find anything?"

"Nothing…"

"No way there's a Banzai Bill in this forest…" The tiny living mushroom shook, a sense of fear in his step.

"Great… As always, a Bowser plan goes off the rails…" The flying turtle felt his sore wings scold him for still flying. Wait, what? Who wrote this script? How do win- ( _ **WE GET IT.**_ )

"He does lack strategy." The masked midget paced in place. After a few minutes of insulting their leader, a giant bullet with a shark face landed with a thud.

"BOWSERRRRRRR!"

With rage, he stomped up to his minions. "You're useless! Now move it! Load up the Banzai Bill!"

"Bowser always comes through!"

"Not according to what you just said, you idiots! Now move it!"

"Yessir!"

* * *

"So that brings us here to our predicament." Neptune finally sighed, feeling a weight drop off her shoulder into the purple liquid that was right below them.

"Honestly, Sis! You should've stayed in your own boat!"

"But this way it's more fun!"

"We're going to die!"

"No we're not, the authors aren't that mean to kill us off before the halfway point. Maybe they'd kill Bowser like he was just flattened by his castle, sure, but not us!"

"Wait, if he was flattened, why aren't we flattened too?"

"Because, my special magic!" ( _ **Yes.**_ )

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: Well that was fun.**

 _Chisaku: Yes, it was. Especially flattening Bowser._

 **Draco: No, I meant going to Paris with robo Ghirahim.**

 _Chisaku: There was that too, right… Bad memory._

 **Draco: I had a blast… Until Aki got lost… Now I really gotta go find him.**

 _Chisaku: How hard would it be to find a giant adult sized dragon that could eat the both of us in one bite?_

 **Draco: How about the fact that he only gets that big when I give him a special amulet? I must go now, Aki needs me.**


	20. Evoglobinatriarch

"Bowser's energy just sparked!" Starlow exclaimed from far above the rivers of purple, that coincidentally tasted like grape soda ( _ **with a hint of spaghetti**_ ).

"Roger that!" Neptune shouted from downstream, wading in the fizzy soda. "Hiyah!" Wait, I thought that she was about to drown last chapter? "It's called dramatic effect, might wanna use it sometime." Brilliant!

"Eiyah!" The Younger Sister; Purple smacked a ball of condensed adrenaline towards the top… Or, what the weird purple thingies called adrenaline.

"We are Evoglobins. We humbly request you to save our host!"

"We are Evoglobin. We have waited ever so patiently for heroines such as you to find this place, so please…" Apparently they're Evoglobins.

The duo smacked adrenaline towards the top repeatedly, aiming for the large glowing blue ball that bounced side to side ahead of them. "Thirsty…" A parched Neptune cupped some liquid up to her mouth, swinging at more balls. ( _Enough with the talk of balls. We're going to attract idiots who enjoy social media more than we do._ **As in, everyone that's not us.** )

"Eww, you pervs!"

"Hey, Jr., we can expect those from guys, of course their brains are like that." ( _Kinda hard to disagree…_ **Unless you've been spending time with a bunch of dragons and learn the ways of enlightenment… Maybe I SHOULD become a Jedi after all.** ) "Oooh! Take me with you!"

"Me too!"

"Bowser's energy spiked! He's moving again!" Just in time, eh? A torrential flood of fluid washed the two down the stream, pushing them back onto land with the two Evoglobins.

"We are Evoglobins. We thank you for saving our host."

"We are Evoglobins. Now… Witness the power you granted him."

* * *

"RAWGH!" Chucking the castle off of him, Bow-Bow-Zilla was back in business, bigger, stronger, and better than ever, literally! (Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger.)

"Whuh-What is THAT?!"

"Reporting, Lord Midbus!" A Shy Guy ran up to the castle doors. "That is a giant King Bowser, sir!"

"Typical. Advance!" The Hog pointed forward, the castle flew up, settling right in front of the Koopa King.

"Showtime! Leave it to me!" The King's voice boomed, reeling back a punch. His fist made impact with his castle with immense force rivaling that of waffle iron bitch-slapping a dude in the face. ( **...The fu**?** _What even… The fu**?_ ) The castle was pushed backwards a good few...meters away from the gargantuan Koopa King.

Eventually, Midbus was able to regain his balance and ordered a counter attack, sending several shy guy battle ships to attack the large Koopinator. That uh… wasn't the brightest of ideas. Apparently someone had forgotten that Lord Bow-Bow could breathe fire.

"Aaaaaaaand, we're going down." Cue the wilhelm scream. "AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!" Beautiful.

The next tactic to take down the oversized koopa was to send in a group of spiny's to attack… How exactly are spiny's supposed to beat a giant fire-breathing dragon turtle thing? Apparently Midbus didn't really think of that either and watched on in embarrassment as they merely walked up to Bow-Bow and stopped, not knowing what they should do.

As it turns out, fire is quite effective against spiny's.

"Wow! You guys suck at this!" I agree with Bow-Bow.

"...We need better troops." You have freaking Boos, Hammer Bros, Bullet Bills, Chain Chomps and so many other troops after taking Bowser's castle! How did it not occur to you to actually USE them?! "...Shut up."

"Serious strike!" And so, with one largely wound up punch which took so long to wind up that Midbus could have taken advantage of it to send all his troops to attack Bow-Bow, the king let loose his greatest punch of all! ( **OP Man would be proud… Maybe.** )

Needless to say, but that one punch absolutely wrecked the castle's shizz. It also kind of pissed off the big boar in charge, Midbus.

"You have grown large, as has your cheating!" And he was soon met with a face full of flames to the face. "You coward! Return to normal size so that I may stomp you!"

"Hey, if Bow-Bow's this big, then we could easily stop Fawful right now if-" Cue the rocket thrusters! "Wait, wha…" Starlow gaped as she quickly realized that the castle had apparently been outfitted with thrusters… Because reasons. "Well… At least if Bowser's this big we can…" Cue the shrinkage! "Aw, come on!"

"... Whoa. WOW! What was that?!" Bowser felt a rush of adrenaline pumping through his veins, his arms on fire.

"Well, I was doing something to revive your body and… That. That happened."

"Chippy, I respect you, now do it again!"

"Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like I can." Starlow replied, trying not to be rude. "It's locked now, I think it only works in dire situations."

"Whaddya mean… Weak. Whatever, even at this size I can still take anyone." Bowser turned, looking in the direction of his castle. "We'll be at my castle soon. And then, Payback time!"

"YEAH!" The trio on the inside erupted in a large victory roar.

Proceeding his advance, Bowser tore through a large plain-field with walking flowers as enemies. Seriously? Who's the one creating these monsters? It's like they WANT Bowser to go complete Pyromaniac and burn down the Mushroom Kingdom. ( _Let's watch this city burn… From the Skyline on top the world… Let's watch this city burn… Let's watch this city burn the world!_ **Aki and Bow-Bow, sitting in the woods, B-U-R-N-I-N-G~ Good times.** _Good stuff, yo._ ) After burning down multiple walking Sunflowers, capturing multiple blitties ( _still wet, too… Eww._ ) and even defying the laws of gravity with his new sliding punch, the creature that is a mix-match of a million different animals finally made it to a cave that led straight to his castle. "... Why did I leave this open?"

"I don't know, ask your minions."

"More importantly, how did Fawful know about this tunnel?"

"I blame Binky!"

"Sis, that movie came out a long time ago. Don't tell me you still have a grudge against Blinky."

"Everything was his fault, Jr.! He even acts all ditsy and stuff to make people think he's not evil."

"Now I don't… Wait, what?"

"Clean out your ears, Jr. I'm about to drop some mad knowledge all over you."

"...Okay." Bow-Bow could think of nothing else to say to whatever it was that the skystriding sisters were talking about. There was nothing he really could say to that. "Whatever! Time to bust in!"

And so, Bowser walked, and walked some more. And as he did, so did the authors confirm he walked. ( **We really need to learn not to keep the narrator door open for random people to come in.** _Already way ahead of you. I'm putting a rune lock on it after work. We're going to be the only narrators from here on in. Or your dragons._ **Don't forget about the teleporting skeletons.** ) Too late now!

"Soooo hungry…"

"Want out now…"

"Back hurts…"

"Bob sucks…" Who's Bob? ( **A giant piece of wank.** )

"So that's where the rest of the Shy Guy's were." Bowser mused to himself. It took no time at all for him to punch slide his way over to them, because conveyer belts suck. Not quite as much as Bob, but close. And with his big, burly, meaty, probably very chewy, muscles, Bow-Bow- "You better not try and eat me if you don't want to end up on the spiky end of my shell?" That sounds unpleasant. Oh and uh, Bowser broke the cage. As one would expect, the Shy Guy brigade were quite happy about it as well.

"FREEEEEE!"

"KING BOWSER!"

"THANK YOU!"

"BOB, I'M COMING FOR MY MONEY!"

The Shy Guy brigade had now been obtained. You now have the ability to play Jenga with the Shy Guys. ( **Ah sweet. I've been looking for someone to practice with.** _Sweet, because I stink at Jenga..._ )

"JENGA!"

"WOULD YOU HURRY UP AND FOLLOW ME ALREADY!" Bowser stated, obviously in calm tone of voice.

"You got it, Boss… In a few minutes." Why are they… Oh… Oh that's beautiful.

"What's with..." It's too bad Bow-Bow forgot he was on a treadmill. "All of the…" Aaaaand back to the start. "Chatter?" Aaaaand back once more. "Stop it!" Aaaaaaand again. "Move it!"

"Shoo-Raa!" Aww, I wanted to see him do that some more. Oh well. In the end Bow-Bow succeeded in rescuing his Shy Guy brigade and recruited them back to his side.

How will he fare next time in taking back his castle? And what happened with the skysauntering sisters? Why do their names keep changing every time a new chapter starts? All of these questions… Will not be answered in the next chapter. Not any of the future chapters to come.

OW! MY TOE! ( **Ha! I bet you all forgot about that, too. I told you I could pull it off.** _Wow, it HAS been 10 minutes._ **We should really get a watch so we can assess the difference in time flow for us and the story.** )

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: Well now… The new Star Wars movie, I will watch.**

 _Chisaku: With you, I will._

 **Draco: The dark side, I will join. Darth Slayer. Nice ring it has.**

 _Chisaku: Chisakian Skya… I don't even know anymore._

 **Draco: Don't worry about it. Now if you'll excuse me, I must practice my backflips. Wait… Why is Obi Wan wearing my bath robe?**

 _Chisaku: Oh well. Back to getting killed by Santamins..._


	21. Chaaaaaapter Twenty-Oooooone

After a couple hours of needless sliding, punching, puzzles and knuckle-smashing badassery (with a side of almost getting crushed by a giant cannonball), our King of Koopas came to his rather messed up castle. "Huh. Shouldn't have hit so hard. That's going to take awhile to clean up." Examining the destruction from afar, the creature crossed his arms.

"In any case, we should get moving. Who knows what's going on inside."

"..."

"Bow-Bow?"

"... Right, Chippy. Don't call me that again." Stomping along, he entered the foyer, feeling the nostalgi- Oh, his golden busts were remodeled after Fawful.

"WELLLCOOOOOOME!" A group of Goombas greeted him. "A guest ariiiiiives." What is this, R**k and M*rty?

"Welcome, dear guest!"

"Guest!"

Baffled, Bowser tried to find the words for this situation. "Uh… Guest?"

"Welcome to Fawful Theater! Pleeeaaase wait in the lobby. The show will soooooon start." Can you stoooooop talking like thiiiiiis?

"Fuh… Fawful… Theater?" Poison danced on his tongue, malice and rage beginning to build. "Rgh…! Don't joke with me! This is my castle, not some stupid theater!"

"Pleeeaaase wait in the lobby. The show will soooooon start." Here comes the echo.

"Start!" Echo.

"HEY IDIOTS! You KNOW me! Knock it OFF!" Huh, never knew Bowser fire-proofed his carpets.

The Goombas that went flying simply walked back into place. "Pleeeaaase wait in the lobby. The show will soooooon start."

"Start!"

"NNNNNGRAAAARRRGHHH! STOP SAYING THAT!" And the cycle repeats.

"Oh boy, looks like trouble up there…" Starlow called out to Bow-Bow. "Looks like they won't listen to you. They're been brainwashed, Fawful controls them now." Oh boy… Rant time. I can just feel it.

"Crud. Great. Now, not only did this guy take over my castle, but now he's all up in my minions too!"

"Huh… That guy must have some really neat gadgets if he can brainwash people, eh Jr.?"

"S-so does that mean it'd be okay if we took some of it for ourselves if we get the chance? B-but only because he's evil and all."

Does anyone else get the feeling that she just wants to brainwash her big sister to do whatever she wants? Or is that just me? ( **You mean she wants to get Neptune to act like the little sister?** ) No. ( _Do we even want to know what you mean?_ ) Probably not. ( **Then get back to the story.** ) Right.

Now feeling really salty about the situation he was now in, Bowser decided to have a look around until the "theatre" opened up. Of course, since this is Bowser, he was pretty darn pissed off at seeing his castle being reduced to an entertainment hub. He made a mental note to punch Fawful in the face especially hard when he got the chance.

"Tonight's Fawful show begins noooooooooow!" Stop talking like that! "Neeeeeeeeveeeeeeeer!" ARGH!

Now big Bowser's interest had been piqued. Just was what it that the little green weirdo had in store for him once he went inside the theatre. If I were to venture a guess, I would assume popcorn, and other foods.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

What? That's what they serve at theatre isn't it?

"At movie theatres, yes."

"They usually just sell candy for plays and stuff, right Chippy?"

"Something like that."

Ah, I see you two are very well informed. Then again, Bowser was in a play after all. ("Holy cannoli, Jr.! Is he talking about that one Murphio game that fans believe was a stage play?" "I think so… Wait, why are in-" "There's no time for questions!" "Oh. Okay.")

And into the theatre Bow-Bow went. Although uh… It looked like pretty much all of the seats were already taken by the looks of it.

"There are NO seats left?!" Exactly as Bowser had said, not a single seat was available. No matter which aisle he checked, all were occupied. "Where do I lodge a complaint?" Well, knowing Bowser, he was most likely going to lodge his "complaint" into Fawful's face… And by "complaint" I mean "Fist". "No duh!" Ouch. You wound me, Bow-Bow. "Hey! I may not have a seat now, but I'm sure I can make one." Ok…

"Pleeeaaase take a seeeaaat so the show can staaaaart."

"I have no seat!"

"Yes, take an open seeeaaat, pleeeeeaaaase."

"Pleeeaaase."

"There ARE no open seats. Do something, NOW."

"Oh, dear guest, I feel for you. But there is naught I can dooo."

"Ooooo!"

"Both of you, zip it. I AM KING BOWSER!" And I am Hungry.

"Is there a problem?" A third Goomba made its way over, a clipboard floating by its side.

("Ooh, new technology…" "Jr, focus, we have no time for… Is he using the F**ce?!") "Oh Boss, phew. This guy…"

The second Goomba cut off the first. "So, this big galoot here, right? He's all like, I have no seeeaat. No seeaaat. And won't shut up! But he won't stop, so…"

Whuzzat? I spaced out. Oh, um… After a dutifully long rant, a seat made in the fashion of Bowser's shell arose from the ground, the floor splitting apart like a knife cutting through Christmas Cake. And so… The Fawful Show began, the lights dimmed, and all was silent. (Fawful show! Fawful show! Fawful show!) "Who's side are you on?" ( _Nobody's, Bowser. I just like Fawful._ )

"I HAVE FAWFUL!" The lights flickered on and off, showing short glimpses of the tiny green man posing in various ways, before turning on to an epileptic dance floor that was the stage with his face plastered over the center. "Excited crowd! You feel it?" The audience erupted into shouts. After a few more cycles of Fawful asking for more, he pointed down the center of the aisle. "Our special guest today… King Bowser!"

"... Huh?" The chair Bow-Bow sat his rump in rocketed forward, tossing him into the wall of the stage.

"I HAVE CHORTLES! Such a majestic entrance, such as a special guest can do. And so, onto our event!" Fawful raised his hands. "Mi-"

"Wrong name."

"I mean… Arfoire!"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Happy Holidays people!_

 **Draco: Christmas! Food! End of chapter!**


	22. Pain Train

"Hah, so my opponent is an old hag?" The Koopa King boasted, raising his fists. "What happened to old pork roast, too scared to come out?"

"Who the hell are you calling an old hag?!" The old hag shouted in anger, glaring at both the over-sized creature and a certain emo author. "Maybe he is, but what are you? Some kinda cross-breed of… Whatever, you look about as stupid as you probably are."

"... You know, it takes one to know one, so why don't my fist and your face cross-breed?!" Ooh, not even denying it, Bowser. "How long is the line now?" ( **Yes.** ) "That's not an answer." ( _No._ ) "..." ( _You're not going to get a different answer either way._ ) "Whatever!"

"Oi, don't ignore me!"

"Hey, lady, I'm not into you like that, so don't make it seem like we're going out or something." The crowd burst into laughter, including Fawful, who was met with a glare which silenced the one person it could intimidate. Yep, he's totally whipped ( **I believe the proper term is Doryphobia.** ). "Whatever, are we going to-" The sound of a large iron cage slamming around the two answered the Beefy King's question. "Showtime!" He sized up the witch… Not like that, get your minds out of the gutter. Before he could get a good judgement on the witch, however…

True to her name, she was firing spells already. "Die, die, die!" Fire rained from Arfoire's hands as she rapidly unleashed what would be any close ranged fighter's nightmare, zoning.

"Really? Fighting fire with fire?" Short puffs of breath was all he needed to deflect each fireball with his own, simply not caring as he slowly advanced on the witch. He slid forward with a punch packed with raw Bowser muscle, launching a force sandwhich into the witch's spear. How it didn't break, leave that to magic. ( **That looks an awful lot like my spe… Oh… Well that explains where it went… Good on you, Arfy.** )

Upon blocking, Arfy parried by pushing her left palm against the turtle shell, pushing Bowser into the air. She jumped after him, getting just far enough above him to slam him back onto the ground. (Come on and slam, and welcome to the jam!) Down the two sent, as the witch slammed the butt of the shaft on him as Bowser rebounded.

"Gah! Hey! Quit…! Eh…!" He squirmed furiously, spikes keeping him lodged in place from splitting into the wood of the stage.

"Uh-oh, looks like he's in trouble." Starlow came from inside Bowser. She flew up to meet his hearing. "Hey!"

"Not a good time, Chippy."

"Use your other resources, can't you disarm her somehow?"

"..." The king of muscle coughed up a fireball, scorching the handle of the Lance. "Nope, she's not dropping it." ( **It's heat resistant.** ) "Whoop-de-doo, now how do I counter it?!" ( **Well you can't, but there is one last thing you can do.** ) "What?!" ( _ **GET DUNKED ON!**_ ) "...I hate you both so much right- Blaaargh."

And that was when the king realized… It was kind of hard to say anything when a purple-skinned witch is jabbing the butt of a spear into your throat... Although it was amusing as all hell to watch. Arfoire was absolutely having the time of her life…

It was always unpredicta- "Shut up!" Okay. "Ha! Who's an old hag now?!" Still you... Oh, I see what they meant about Doryphobia now… That thing looks sharp…

"Hrrrrrgh!" Returning to the fun, the witch kept jabbing at the king's throat, causing him to really consider his options before he passed out of lack of air.

"My goddess! You take forever to choke!" Must be because of all the blubber.

"Yo! Bow-Bow!" A familiar voice resounded in Bowser's ears. The voice of certain Skyeating sister. "Have you tried using your arms to get her off? I mean, she's right there."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Everyone inwardly face-palmed. How did the moron notice that before anyone else?

"Hey! I resemble that remark!" ...True.

"Sis, I think you mean 'resent'." Don't spoil it… Okay, I'll shut up, just stop glaring.

"Hrrrrgh!" Having had enough of being throat-massaged by the butt of a spear, Bowser unleashed his mightiest punch yet… Unfortunately, while said punch did succeed in getting the witch off of him by somehow launching him a few feet into the air, it uh… Didn't take long for her to recover and uh… Let's just say that Bow-Bow knew he messed up when he received the most painful enema of his life. "HRAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!"

Holy crap… Uh, no pun intended. I didn't realize that Koopa could scream in such a high pitch. ( **Why would you use my spear like that?** _Ouch… I feel sorry for Bowser._ "I meant punch HER, not the air.")

"This isn't your spear. I just made a bunch of copies. The real one is in my inventory." ( **Oh… Then that's okay. That explains why it wasn't doing as much damage as it usually does.** _Still looks painful… Just saying…_ )

"HRAAAAAAGH!" As a last ditch effort, he opened wide and let his breath do the talking as he sucked in empty air for a good couple seconds, pulling something big into his mouth. Forcing himself out of the wood didn't work, and only achieved him falling further into the stage's wood. "... Oh." Bowser pushed back, the wood splitting and landing him underneath the stage. Rolling over wasn't the problem… Or, it was, because of the pain still emitting from that… Never mind.

Disbelief didn't begin to describe what the crowd and the witch were feeling. Did he just eat the Lance that…? Needless to say, they were stunned, completely silent until the Koopa King had made it back onto the stage after a few seconds of painful grunting. "..."

"..."

"..."

"Fawful… Has silence…"

"..." It was mutually accepted that the two forgot what just happened and a new Lance was produced from Arfoire's 'inventory' for the fight to continue.

"Shy Guys, let's go!" Balling up, half for the attack and half out of pain, Bowser turned himself into a spiked bowling ball as Shy Guys swarmed around him, producing an elastic string that essentially turned him into the world's largest and deadliest slingshot ammo.

"We have your back, King Bowser! Goombas, show no fear!" The tiny fungus ran around, jumping and even stacking on top of each other to block a barrage of fireballs coming Bowser's way. "Don't let up! Don't let him get hit!"

"Push! 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2!" The Shy Guys shouted in a rhythm as they pushed Bowser further and further back, creating tension in the string. "Ready… FIRE!" Releasing the world's largest spiked ball launched a great force of spikey death. Despite having launched him, they still held firm in their place with the string.

"Hah!" The witch whacked the flying ball away from her, right back towards the Shy Guys. Oh, I see, this is more Ping Pong. Totally not a sexual innuendo whatsoever. What? Stop glaring! ( _I swear, the line is getting longer every week._ **Yes.** _Thought so…_ )

"Stop...hit...ting...me...back...and...forth...get...ting..diz...zyyyyyyyy!" Bowser managed in between getting hit by a Lance like a baseball bat, or being launched by the string that was elastic enough to take the force of him flying back and forth. Defying rules and laws was normal for Bowser, it was part of his job description. But he somehow shattered the laws of physics and changed his trajectory mid-flight because of Bow-Bow Magic. "Hrgh!" Holding back a mass of bile coming up, his spiked shell finally slammed into the witch, the two flying back down to the ground with the Koopa King on top. This is going to be painful.

It was at this point that Arfoire realized, she could teleport out of here. "Tch…!" Doing just that, she disappeared before being speared with multiple spikes from the shell of Bowser, which was lodged into the wood of the stage again.

"...uh…"

"Did he just win?"

"Maybe? I don't know?"

"Is he alive?"

"Whaaaaaat? Is there something we can doooooo?"

"Oooo!"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Happy New Years, folks!_  
 _Akemashite omedetou for all you weebs._

 **Draco: Happy New Years!**  
 **Feliz nuevo ano!**


	23. Feel the (Heart)Burn

"What's up everybody, it's Nep. We were just about to get back to the bros. Let's do this shi-"

"Sis!"

"Zznit."

"Oh…"

We return to the Hyperdimension to bring you a special update on our other pair of heroes that were thrown out of their world.

* * *

"Ya-hoo!" A bouncing red-clad plumber slammed onto a walking mushroom, crushing it underneath his feet as fragments of Ether flew into the air around them. "Hm…"

"Mario!" A taller and much more stoic green-clad plumber called. "Aibai tanok frauto yakolano!" He was screaming something, only to hold up a piece of… Monster remains.

"MAMA MIA!" Apparently Mario was also excited over said monster remnants. Just what was it? Probably some part that could've been cut off if they brought knives. Regardless, the two took a second to calm down and put the "item" away before checking over a ripped up piece of paper. Apparently it was a laundry list of items they needed to complete quests that popped up. "Unter yendo tabali saliunte!" The pay is… ( _Higher than what I make in a year…_ **You converted Credits to real world currency?** _Like rupees, yes._ )

"Ok!" Luigi was fired up, very much like a fire-eating redhead from a fantasy tale.

"RAAAAAGRH!" Of course, no Hyperdimension grinding session would be complete without a giant floating dolphin that could roar like a dinosaur popping out of nowhere to ruin their day. It just can't happen without something worse popping out.

"Mario!"

"Luigi!" The two exchanged a thumbs up, before pulling out of their overalls and a set of Fire Flowers. These proved ever so effective on the snowfields around them, melting snow and ice in their way, ( _And it's super effective on these cold based enemies!_ ) "Hi...YAH!" Oh hey, a Tae Kwon Do pose, not bad. But what does that have to do with flinging fireballs, I have no idea. But at least these two have their lunch cut out, or should I say, cooked out for them? ( **Where's Aki when you need him?** _Oh, sweet._ ) In any case, the Mario Bros. seem to be fine, so let's get back to our regular story now.

* * *

"A WINNER IS YOU!" Fawful shouted, pointing at the Koopa King who was still in a lot of traumatic pain.

"I am going to shove my fist so far up your-"

"Yo, if I can't swear, then you can't swear Bow-Bow."

"Shut up!"

"A LOONY IS YOU! Who are you making the conversation with, Bow-Bow?"

"Why is everyone calling me that?!"

Bowser never really got an answer to that, for after he laid there on the ground for what felt like the longest minute ever, a group of Boos all came in and carried him off. ( **I love Boos.** ) I have no idea where they were taking him, but it was probably somewhere he could recover… Maybe.

Oh, never mind, they just took him to the kitchen… Who takes someone to the kitchen when they just got beaten up by a witch? ( **People who love Boos.** )

"What's that smell?" It's probably food. Which Bow-Bow happens to be surrounded by. When did they even have time to make all of i- "Oh sweet! I'm starving!"

…Leave it to Bow-Bow to get completely distracted by food… Sounds an awful lot like a certain person we all know. In any case, Bowser immediately turned his attention to the copious amounts of food placed all around him and wasted no time chowing down on everything he could sink his teeth into.

"That was good!" Holy crap! He already finished all of that? That was even faster than the carrot-eating fiasco. It was a good thing that eating meat was apparently the key to recuperating health, otherwise Bowser probably would have just wound up with a serious case of heartburn. ( **He was obviously filled with-** ) Don't you dare say it. ( _Detemmienation!_ ) Damn it!

"Here, sir, would you like another?" Oh my gosh, the Boos are back. And why does that one have a British accent? "Have some more." Okay, accents aside, he, along with a group of about three other Boos, all seemed to want the Koopa King to taste some more of their delicacies. Two Boos held plates while the others delivered the food straight into Bowser's gullet.

"Whoo… I'm starting to feel kind of-"

"Tis your imagination." And why does that one sound like it came straight out of the medieval age? "Do not make me strike you with the back of my hand, dear narrator." Uh…

"No. Seriously, I'm starting to feel kind of full." Now that you mention it… Bowser IS starting to look a bit pudgy.

"Nah, dawg." Really? We're doing this now? "At jus means ya gots room fo mo in yo belly."

What is up with these Boos? Where the hell did Fawful even get them?

"Yeah, yeah. Just call Bowsa… Deepthroat!" What does that even… Oh because they're shoving food down his throat. I get it… Wait a minute, now he's really getting fat.

"Hrrrrrrghh… I think I'm gonna hurl."

"Hold it together, Maggot! We haven't even gotten through half of these here rations!"

These Fuc**ng Boos!

"Now shut up and eat, private!"

"I'm not a private! I'm the king!"

"Just keep eating!" Finally, a Boo with a normal-ish accent. Wait, what even constitutes as a normal accent? (Yes.) No surprise there. Food after delicacy was shoved into the King's mouth, no regard for his apparent weight gain or his shouts for them to stop. They always kept forcing more food down his throat.

"Will you stop?! I obviously gained a lot of weight here, look! This is NOT normal!" Indeed, this time, Bow-Bow was as round as a balloon, his shell just barely able to accommodate for his sudden increase in size. "Look! I'm not my normal burly self anymore!"

"Of course not!" All the Boos shouted at once. Oh, so those accents were forced. "Lord Fawful had us feed you high-calorie and high-fat foods to make you this fat!" Totally distracted by the food. "Hehehehehehe!" They turned tailed, slowly hovering away and out of the room.

"Hey!" He took a step forward, or at least, tried to. Oh dear, so fat he broke a hole into the ground and trapped himself. It's no use struggling. (But being filled that much with food should fill him with determination.) You two… "H-Hey! Chippy! Can you hear?!"

"Yes, yes, I hear you just fine." Starlow shouted from the inside of Bowser.

"Do something to get rid of this blubber!"

"Ahahahahahahahaha! Maybe you should just go on a diet!"

"Hey! I'm stuck in THE GROUND for Pete's sake!" Who's Pete? "Do something about this!"

"I'll do it when I feel like it."

"Chippy! Hey!"

"Besides, it was your fault for falling for that in the first place."

"I swear, if I ever get my hands on you…! Haah… Haah… Huff… Whoo…"

"Like I said, diet."

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: Come on Bowser, it's alright. 'Cuz we are here to Pump *Clap* You up!**

 _Chisaku: Yeah! Fight on!_

 **Draco: You can do it! You feel great! You! Can! Do! This!**

 _Chisaku: One! Two! One! Two! Go! Fight! Go! Fight!_

 **Draco: 100 Push-Ups! 100 Squats! 100 Everything!**

 _Chisaku: Feel the burn! Just do it!_

 _ **Draco & Chisaku: Huzzah! Don't let your dreams be dreams!**_


	24. Innuendo-ception

"What are we supposed to be doing again?"

"I think Mr. Bowser ate too much. And now he's fallen and can't get up."

"Oh yeah… Don't worry, Jr., we'll make sure he's back in tip top shape by the end of this chapter."

* * *

"UUUUAAAARRRGGHH!" The king's enormous weight created several cracks in the floor, and soon enough, he fell straight through it and onto a… Treadmill? King Bow-Bow fell down through the floor and landed on a treadmill… Alright then. "Why is there a treadmill here?"

"I have elementary!" Oh god, not him again. "Run, yes, run to burn off that weight! I have cheering!" That's incredibly annoying. But despite it, Bow-Bow's actually losing weight! Look, his shape's already returning! But uh...someone, do something about his body being on fire. No, seriously, it's literally on fire. "YOU HAVE BURNING! No, seriously, get that checked out." For once, I agree with this guy.

"Oh, yeah! Feel the burn!" ( **Akriloth? Are you in there?** _You'd have a better chance with Metus and Physoth killing me._ **Fluffy! Kill!** ) "Haah… Huff… Huff… Haff… I'm back on track to being my lean, mean and burly machine! Then I'll punch your face in!" Wow, you can just see the weight disappearing!

"And now, I have escape! Escape to where my plans need me! For I have Prin-!"

"How long are you going to speak for?!"

"Oh hey, perfect, I can kill two idiots with one punch!" ( _ONE PAAAAAWWWWNCH!_ )

"I have escape!" And off he finally goes, good riddance.

"WHOA! Way too fast! Uh… Wuh…? My flab layer is burning off!" It's all gone, now, Bow-Bow. Now go catch them. "Best workout sesh, ever." The now newly re-burlied King hopped off the treadmill, taking a look around the room. "Now that I think about it, what room is this?" Bowser stepped to the sign beside the treadmill. Incidentally, while he was reading it just happened to be next to the Bob-Omb reserves. Coincidentally, he was still on fire.

 _ ***HISSSSSSSSSS***_

"Let's see… What's this say… 'BOB-OMB EXPLOSIVES RESERVE. OPEN FLAMES PROHIBITED, HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE MATERIAL HERE.' ...Crud." He looked over, only to see a lit Bob-Omb slowly walk to the boxes of Bob-Ombs stacked upon each other. "GAAAGH! NO! WAIT!" It was totally too late. "WAIT! WAAAAAAIIIIIT!" Wait, did that thing just willingly JUMP into the crates of bombs? Err… ( **Sounds like a case of…** ) Don't do it! ( _...getting lit? Is that what societal idiots say? What does that even mean?_ **Does it matter?** _Yeah, it wasn't even funny._ **You're worrying about THAT of all things?** _We had this conversation already._ ) O...K…?

Regardless, the rest of the reserves blew hard, cleanly popping Bowser into the air, and landing him way, all the way back in the giant chasm he passed by in the wastelands he woke up in. 'Where… Is this?' He survived a giant explosion, and face-planted on the ground, and that's the first thing he worries about. Cool.

Well, randomly falling into unknown territory aside, Bowser collected his senses ( **When did his sense turn into marbles?** ), not dignifying that. He got up and walked forward and ran into... A bunch of talking-

"Whoa! Check it out, Jr.! It's the mole people!" When did this turn into that one horror game? ( **Va**sh?** ) That's the one.

"What the goodness?! What are they doing with that drill?"

"Turning it up to max, Broskii." Broskii? Really? Now we have to deal with surfer dude moles?

"Keep at it, Broham!"

"Bruh… You got this… Do it for Bowser…"

"Bros… We forgot to bring some ice cream…"

"Bruh-wha…?"

"Hey, Skywhatevers."

"What's up?"

"Do moles taste good?" I'm with Bow-Bow on this one. "'Cuz I have this sudden urge to roast me a few."

"Hmm… Bruh… Browser?" Browser?! Are you kidding me?! ( _Let's hope_ he _doesn't hear about this._ **Who?** _BroLy! Ohh!_ ) I hate my life… I should have been a doctor.

"Yeah, so Lord Browser, our super secret tunnel mission is going, super smooth."

"Like a Baboon's butt." ...What kind of analogy is that?!

"Ignoring you. What's this about a secret tunnel?! First I'm hearing about it." Bowser replied dryly.

"Okay, so remember how you said you wanted to have an escape tunnel for kidnapping Peach, Broseph?"

"Yeah. You named it Project Bro and handed it off to us Monty Broets. Cuz we rule dirt." You also suck ass! "Whoa! Was that because of the Baboon joke?" THAT'S what you ask?

"Ignoring you… Again." Good call Bowser. The king crossed his arms, and stood awhile in thought. ( **By the Tum Tum Tree? Did he hear any Burbling?** ) What the hell are you two even… Argh, forget it. "They're referencing the Jabberwock poem." ...How do you know that? "But you guys don't rule squat!" Don't ignore me! "You're total slackers!"

"Bruh… That stings… In my heart… Heart of a warrior… I will carry on… My wayward son..."

"Look, Brogurt, we like to do things at our own pace, you feel me?"

"I totes feel ya, bro." Shut up, Neptune… Stop glaring at me Nepgear.

"Broyo, this dirt is crazy hard… Heheh. Hard… Like my..."

"I will beat you. I swear I will."

"Right. Sorry brogurt."

"Oh forget it! Some minions you are! I'll just do it myself!" Yeah… You go, Bow-Bow… You got this… I should have stayed at home… How did I even get here anyway? ( **Don't look at me, ask the Emo.** _Don't look at me, ask the Slayer. **Oh. You didn't recruit him?**_ Obviously not.) Disregard that question.

"Hrrrgh!" Bowser's pushing up against the drill now, and it's uh… Not moving anywhere.

"You uh… You sure about this, Browski? It's er… Not going anywhere."

* * *

"Hey, Neptune, Nepgear, let's help out Bowser's case. We can probably find a way to do something." Starlow called to the two.

"Maybe we could super-power his arms like last time!" Neptune shouted enthusiastically.

"It doesn't look like he's using his arms all that much."

"Maybe we could super-power the legs he just used?" Nepgear asked, tilting her head slightly. "Didn't he just get off of a treadmill? Maybe his legs might be the trick."

"That's my little Sis for ya! Always smart!" Unlike you? Stop glaring! I didn't write that, the Emo did! And so, the Sky-whocaresatthispoint-Sisters traversed to the Leg Outposts, seeing the muscles tensed up and trying to contract. "Hm…"

"Maybe you can push down on them? See what your weights can do." Oh my, a fat joke? Maybe Neptune could do something about this. She eats enough pudding to merit it.

"Sorry, but our Goddess-like figures just can't get any fatter than this or else the readers won't enjoy us anymore. Then I won't be the Main Character anymore!" First Girl problems. Apparently they're a thing now. "But let's see...this!" The Purplette CPU revealed a large Longsword, the black blade only accentuated the hilt, the grip emanating a devilish aura. Indeed, this was the legendary… ( _And very much so nerdy_ ) ...R****ion! "Hi-yah!" Oh, wow, Bowser's muscles are firm. They took a hit from a sword...that's meant to impale and stab helpless and defenseless demons...and archangels...and anything inbetween.

* * *

"Gwahahahahaha!" The drill slammed through a huge opening into what seemed to be sewers, and from the smell of things, it definitely was a sewer. "So uh… THIS is Toad Town?"

"I HAVE CHORTLES!"

"Found who my punching bag is."

"I am thinking-" You can think? "...Ignoring that. I am thinking that I will not be the one to be punched."

"We'll see about that. Now c'mere you little- Hey! Get back here!" The shortie wasted no time in dashing off, away from king Bow-Bow in a hurry. Why, he even passed by some strange-looking sentry mabobers… Wait, what are-

NO TRESPASSING!

"Ah! Lightning, my one weakness!" Without warning, Bowser was fried by... Since when was he weak to electricity? "It stings like a-"

"Like a trap?"

"Yeah, that… Fawful, you sunuva-"

"Chortles!"

And, in seemingly no time at all, Bowser was down for the count. Leaving him defenseless to the short green weirdo's antics.

First, he pulled out a ray gun(?), next he pointed it at Bowser's bum… What are you?

"I will be taking the princess now." Fawful shot the ray right up Bowser's bum, enveloping the bat fastard in a glowing light. It continued on for a few seconds, until eventually, a woman seemed to be pulled out of - she might want to take a shower once she wakes up - his um… You know… But yeah, Fawful stole Peach… "I HAVE WINNING!" Shut up, Fawful Sheen! What? Are you gonna drink Tiger's blood next?

"Oh hey, Neptune, Nepgear, the lightning opened up a new path in here."

"Neato. Let's go check it out, you guys."

"...What was that?"

"Okay. Maybe if we go there, we can get back outside and stop that maenie Fawful… andmaybetakesomeofhistech…"

"Jr… You're drooling."

"Never mind me, let's go."

"..." Suddenly, Fawful was feeling a bit worried. Not only was he hearing voices, but a part of him was inexplicably starting to hope that Bowser didn't inhale any-

"Hey! Check it out! Bow-Bow swallowed a bunch of warp pipes."

"...I HAVE ESCAPING!"

"Quick! After that midget!"

"Sis, we need to get out of here first."

"Oh… Right."

Right… Can we end the chapter now? Please?

…

…

I will pay you to-

 _ **AND THAT'S ALL FOLKS!**_

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: What a kind fellow. Giving us so much gold.**

 _Chisaku: Yeah, I can now pay off some of the debt I'm in and shorten the line!_

 **Draco: And maybe now I can go buy that new dragon egg… Oh god, the addiction is back! Fluffy! Aki! Ichorus! Help!**

 _Chisaku: Err… What about Avsaris, Kagatsuchi, or Metus? 0-0_

 **Draco: Metus is uh… Going through a phase… It's apparently very personal… He and the rest are flying to Cancun… For some reason...**

 _Chisaku: Oh. Well then._

 _Paris?_

 **Draco: You know it.**


	25. Goodbye, Draco

"I have speed! I have Peaches! I HAVE FURY!"

"Goodness, he's really loud." Nepgear noted as she stepped out of the warp pipe. It conveniently led them to the same place Fawful just so happened to be in.

"Still not as bad as Blanc when something pisses her off."

"Heheheheh…" The younger purplette rubbed the back of her head awkwardly. She could not deny her sister's truths, nor could she deny her unfathomable cuteness.

"Now let's go chase that little green dude and kick him in the jewels."

"Kick him in the jewels?"

"Kick him in the jewels."

"I didn't know he brought treasure with him."

"Neither did I, but we're gonna kick it." The eccentric CPU was getting quite fired up. One could practically see the fire in her eyes, one very reminiscent to that of a pink-haired dragon. "More like a black dragon with red eyes." We're not playing Children's card games right now.

"I think sis is more like a white dragon with shining blue eyes." NO! She is obviously a magician girl. Doy!

"Don't give Jr. any ideas. What if she starts drawing me in magical girl outfits. Then what am I supposed to do about that? I have my integrity as a protagonist, gosh darn it!" Too late, she already is. "Wuh… Oh come on!"

"...I'm not sorry." And so, Nepgear proceeded to zoom off ahead of her older sister while somehow still drawing pictures of Neptune as a magical girl. It didn't take long for Neptune to start chasing after her, shouting for her to knock it off. Not that she was going to, but she had to try.

They ran, and ran, and they punched a fat guy in the face, and they ran some more… Why did they punch a fat… Oh! Never mind, that was just an obese version of that emo writer from another dimension. ( _Why is there an obese version of me in this story all of a sudden?_ **Funny story. Good story. I'll tell ya later.** _Oh boy..._ )

And so they kept running, until eventually they made it to the clouds above, where they ended up accidentally pushing some dude in a Plague Doctor's outfit off of the- ( **Oh god, why!?** ), Did they just… Kill one of the authors? ...Just as planned.

"Alright, Jr., the gig is up. Give me the drawing!"

"No! I can't! I need some way to express the cuteness I know you can achieve as a magical girl!"

"I'll let you take pictures of me in a swimsuit!"

"...Here you go!"

This isn't a Yuri-oriented story, what is this development?! ( **It's called Siscon!** ) Is he… Yelling while falling to his death? Persistent bastard. ( _Err… Is it wrong that I LIKE this new narrator?_ **Nope!** _Cool._ )

"So uh… This is a pretty goo-WAIT! Where are we?" As always, trying to figure out where their chase ended them up, our Heroines found themselves in… Wait, when did they get on a cloud they could walk on? "Wooooow, we're so high up! It's been forever…"

"U-um… Sis? How do we get down from here?"

"I don't know, but… OH! THINGIE!"

"..." A flattened expression painted across Nepgear's face as she watched her sister zoom up the clouds with no regards to how they somehow ended up there in the first place. "Goodness…"

"It's all blue… What is this?"

"Sis, I don't think you should hi-" And she hit it anyways. What is that blue block anyways? Whatever it was, tinier versions of it are flying to the distance… How cliche.

"OI!" Three Blue Shelled Paratroopas swooped in, shades donned atop their eyes.

"OI!"

"TRIPLE OI!" Oh great, is this going to be like those stupid Goombas again? ( **Probably!** _You're still falling? Well, say hi to Papyrus and Sans for me!_ **I'll see you down there soon!** ) Damn, that's persistent…

"You just hit ma' block, didn't cha?"

"Don't deny it!"

"I saw ya!" ...What's with the Aussie accents?

"It was a thingie. Therefore, I had to hit it." Neptune put bluntly, no remorse whatsoever. "Besides, we can have so much more fun now, because look! The sky is clear, and Mr. Sun is smiling! Hi Mr. Sun!" Oh, the Sun actually has a face. Does everything have a face here? ( _It's a little creepy._ )

"Doncha unda'stand how heavy these dastards are?"

"Dense!"

"I have a hard time flying!" ( **What a rookie!** _Well said. Err… Shouted._ )

"W-we're sorry for doing that!" Nepgear was quick to bow, slightly out of breath.

"Saw-ree's not enough!"

"Nah, mate!"

"I want more!"

"Now our shells are all over the place and we can't even find them!"

"Give them here!"

"Give them here!"

"SHUT IT!" The head of the trio punted Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Dumber out of the air. "We ain't gon' be petty and force ya' to hunt 'em down."

"Ok." Oh great, the fake stache is back…

"But I do like the look a' ya' stache."

"What'd I say, the stache works!"

"Well, why doncha go ahead and take this tu-"

"No thanks, bye!" Oh. Uh… ( _I'm too lazy to write that without Draco. And even then he'd be opposed to shoehorning into this story a useless tutorial._ **It's true, yo!** _See?_ **Wait, where the hell is Aki when I need him?!** )

"Thank goodness for plot convenience leading us back into the sewers."

"Hey look, sis. It's just like that block we hit last time!" Pointed out the ingenious Sherlock Nepgear.

"Say whatever you want, but my little sis is always gonna be way smarter than you." Did… Did I just get made fun of by Neptune of all people?

"G-goodness, I… I'm not-" The young candidate wanted to say something about how she totally didn't deserve such praise, but the comforting feeling of her sister's hand rubbing her head was too strong. The siscon intensifies.

"Good girl, Jr., now let's get done with this puzzle already." And get done with it they most certainly did… After they figured out what to do anyway. "So uh… How do we do this?"

"I think one of us has to get into the shell while the other kicks them into the switches."

"Ooh, that sounds fun." It sounds fun, she says.

Well, being the ever so eccentric person she was, Neptune was the one to jump into the shell and-

"Hey, wait a minute!" What now?

"Goodness! What is it, sis?"

"These are blue shells, right?"

"Yes." Yeah… Why?

"Then why can't we just throw them in the direction the Dark Star thingie is and use them to get to Fawf… Faf… Fafnir ( _That's the name of a Dragon._ ) F-Fenrir ( **That's a wolf!** ) Fa-fa… Fagette?" Pffffft. "I mean, don't blue shells just lock on to whoever's in first place?"

"..." …

"...What?"

"Sis, you're a genius!" That's uh… Unexpectedly clever.

"Aw shucks. You're making me blush." Then grab them shells, ladies!

"Right!"

"Let's do this!"

Wasting no time, the purple duo grabbed a pair of shells and, with all their might, they threw them in the direction Fawful must have undoubtedly gone and hastily jumped on top of them, using them like makeshift surfboards. Nothing could stop them! Nothing! Their course would be completely unaffected by-

 ***THUD***

...What the… ( _I think that was Draco._ ) Hah! Finally!

"Fa...Fann… Green dude, look out, for here we come!"

"Yeah!"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: So uh…_  
 _That happened.  
_ _Um…  
_ _Draco? You ok…?_


	26. Laser Fangs

"A moment of silence for our deceased author." Neptune said, a card to her hand as she nonchalantly surfed through the air on a high-speed blue turtle shell. "Is it over now?"

"S-Sis…" The taller Siscon simply hung onto the shell, as it zoomed over hoards of Fawful-styled bugs with drills for butts. Hey, don't look at me, I didn't do anything wrong. ( _A hitman? Really? Is that the best you can do?_ ) You lived through that one? ( _Oh, there's more?_ ) Maybe…

"Wheeeeee!" The purplexed purplette didn't question how or why the shells didn't go upwards, but instead, questioned where they were headed. "This is kinda boring now, we've been flying for a long time now!"

"But it's only been 3 minutes! How would we catch Fawful from ju-!" The two shells divebombed, slamming into two Toads standing guard in front of a door. "Owie…!"

"Yo, dude, this chick's got striped panties on." One Toad audibly said.

Nepgear pulled her skirt down, standing up with a bright red flush to her face. "F-f-forget you s-s-s-saw that."

"No way, there's nooooo waaayyy I'm eeeeeeever giving up that sight." The second Toad replied with a very...loose look on his face.

"Is that what it's like to be ***redacted***?" Neptune inquired.

"Wait, something's wrong." Starlow came out from inside one of the shells. Oh, so that's where she hid. "They just got slammed into by Blue Shells. How are they still standing?"

"There's nooooothing wrong heeeeere." Ok, this dude is getting on my nerves. Where's his ***expunged*** I need to get rid of it.

"Dudes, if you think there's something wrong…" Their images flashed, the Toads breaking down into small Fawful ants with drills for butts. "You better come at us!"

"They're robots? OOOOOOOOHHHH!" Nepgear pounced onto the two mechanized ants, ripping apart their pieces to find the technology behind everything.

"Err… Jr.? What're you doing…?"

"Can't talk! These are super rare parts!" As the Siscon rummaged through the now piles of scraps that came from reverse engineering the two mechs, a soft and creepy laughter came from her. ( _Oh, more hitmen. Good job on giving away how many you had._ ) Hey, shut it. ( _Not as long as I breathe._ ) You goddamn Emo! ( _I got my hair cut. I have no idea who you are, or what you want, but I will find you. And I will make your life UnderHell._ )

"Hey Jr… Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

Ahem, so while Sir Emo and I were having our little squabble, Neptune picked up on the sound of something off in the distance.

"I dunno… Although it sounded kinda familiar." Familiar how? "I dunno, it just feels like something I've heard before."

"Sis, are you feeling alright. I didn't hear any-" Cue the echo! "Oh! Now I hear it… You're right, it does sound kind of familiar."

Well laa dee daa. ( _Do Re Mi._ ) Really? Just...really? ( _I think you mean 'O Rly?_ ) ...Ugh… How did that other guy put up with you. ( _Easy, I wasn't like this with him._ )

"I HAVE CHORTLES!" Oh goodie, it looks like the little green man finally got his mitts on the Dark Star while we were all blabbing.

"Oh snap! ...What the heck is a Dark Star?"

"I don't know… I get the feeling we missed something important a few chapters back…" What, just because the authors here decided to skip that part with Peach because it sounded like a pain in the ass… No pun intended.

"Well, to be fair, all that would have happened was us finding her only to lose her. And besides, this way we got something way more amusing."

...How do you-

"Onward!"

"The beauty hurts my teeth!" ...What? "Such power of darkness! My spine has the tingle!" ( _This power… It's so...cold. I love this. **I must have it!**_ ) Hah. Figures you'd want it.

"No! Too late! It's Fawful!" Thank you, Captain Obvious, also known as Starlow. "Don't start with me. I will-" Oh hey, look, laser blasts. "Say what no- AAAAAHHHHH!"

It seemed like all looked bleak for our dear heroines as a series of laser blasts went blasting towards them at blistering-

"Hiyah!" ...Only to get batted away by Neptune's funky-looking sword… What the hell!? Is that the Ener** Sword from Ha** "You know it." Hah, I bet it's going to be broken by the end of the chapter.

"Oh my goodness! I've always wanted to see it up close!"

"It is pretty nifty… Here ya go, Jr." And there Neptune goes just handing it off to her sister… Why? "Because otherwise she'd drool all over me, asking if she could use it." Fair point.

"Oh my goodness! Are you sure?" She says that, but she already swiped it from her sister's hand and… Started tinkering with it… Right in front of everyone… Why?! "Haven't you played the games? These are cool, but they only last 10 hits."

"I have escaping!" Not so fast, bub! If we have to sit through this crap, then so do you! "Never!" Oh great! He's already escaping… Fantastic.

"Well that sucks… I'm hungry. Let's go get some food."

"Neptune! Fawful has the Dark star and you want to go get food! ...Oh forget it. I'm getting kinda hungry, too."

"That's the spirit, Starlow, buddy. Come on, Jr., let's a go get some grub."

"Sure thing." And they wasted no time walking off through the place and found a warp pipe. They took it, got to Toad Town, got some food, Nepgear finished the sword, yadda yadda yadda. You get the picture. There's no point in describing how they walked around Toad Town and then-

"Whoa!" And then… The earth starts shaking a bit as they visit the castle… Wait, what?

"The heck are these things?" Neptune asked curiously as she looked over the weird dark clouds in front of her. "Ooh, they have crowns on 'em."

"I think that's the power of the Dark Star, Fawful must be harvesting it for his own deeds." Starlow examined the wall closely. "I don't think there's anything we can do about this now. Let's head back into town to see if there's anything we can do there." Story convenience, go!

"It's still a little jarring to see all of these Toads into such a state…" Nepgear softly began, her eyes examining the gigantic Toads lying in the middle of roads and other areas. "How did they get like this in the first place?"

"It's a disease called the Blorbs. It… Well, you can see for yourself." Starlow replied, a sad tint hiding behind a big mouth.

"If it's a disease, then maybe we can cure it! Neptune magic, away!" I'm not surprised, I mean, of course Neptune would want to try to cure this. ( _Ok, I can understand one or two at once. Three is excessive, but thirty?! You hired thirty hitmen to take me down?!_ ) No, I didn't hire thirty hitmen, I hired thirty-one. ( _Oh, gee, big difference. As if a thirty-first hitman wou-Are you kidding me? You gave them Anti-Dark weapons?_ )

"And so, our Heroines came to the clinic to find a cure!" The ecstatic Goddess; Purple hopped through the gates of the newly established hospital, multiple people sitting and waiting for help.

"Hello and welcome to the clinic, how may I help you?" Oh, so it's a clinic, not a hospital.

"We're here to find a cure for the Blorbs."

"Oh my! Do you think you've caught them?!" Does it look like they did? They'd be blowing up right now if they did.

"Yes, I've been feeling a little feverish all day." Nepgear quickly cut in, stopping Neptune from saying anything. "And Sis here has been hallucinating, she thinks that she's a Goddess and she says she heard a dragon roaring a while go."

"Oh dear! I'll have you moved to priority! We can't have another Blorbs outbreak! I'll have you sent to the Doctor right away!"

"Neptune and Nepgear, please come to the Doctor's office." … She really meant right away.

"Yes. Yes I did."

 _*WHOOOOOOSH*_

Uh… What was that? … Huh? You guys did what?!

"Uh…"

"Jr. let's go!"

* * *

 **Narrator's Notes**

Narrator: I DID IT! My hitmen sealed away that puny Emo! This story is mine now. This time, we're playing by MY rules! Some "Dark Lord" he was.

 **Draco: To be fair, he did take down at least half of them before Aki and I showed up.**

 _Chisaku: Yeah._

Narrator: Oh… You're uh...alive, eh? How was the underground?

 **Draco: How are Aki's fangs?**

Narrator: Aki's wha-

 ***CHOMP***

 **Draco: I thought so.**

 _Chisaku: *crack*_  
 _Some seal that was. Nicely done, Draco._

 **Draco: Likewise. And now that I'm back, we visit Paris once more.**

 _ **Draco & Chisaku: HUZZAH!**_


	27. Chisaku doesn't understand fashion

"Welcome, young ones." There stood an old Toad, hunched over a crystal ball dressed in a purple garb. "I am the Doctor, otherwise known as-" After a long useless rant of his backstory and why he was here, the Doctor finally showed a smirk under his ridiculously looking hat. ( _You just don't understand fashion._ **Says the guy obsessed with trench coats.** ) "I see… This disease, these symptoms… They are not the Blorbs. So fear not." I'm already liking this dude, he sounds hilarious. He seriously did that to a chicken? "This is… BOWSER-ITIS!" … That's… That's it? No professional sounding name? Just Bowser's name? And… Your finger is HUGE! Put it away! ( _Giggity_ )

"Gwa-ha-ha-ha!" A confident laugh came from the crystal ball. An image of Bowser's beefyness emerged from it, his voice echoing from around the room. "Heeeeeeere's Booooooowser!" The wall cracked open, in slid the Koopa King, his fist extended.

"It's Bow-Bow!" Neptune shouted ecstatically.

"Sis!"

"... Hey, I know those voices. They're from… Somewhere…?" A few awkward moments of silence past as Bowser thought deeply about where heard those voices.

"Err, I think that's our cue to run." Starlow called from inside Neptune's hood. Oh, so that's where you were hiding. It looks comfortable. "It is actually comfortable in here."

"You were with Mario and Green Cap at that stupid conference!" The Koopa King raised an accusing finger at the Goddesses; Purple. "I have a bone to pick with you two!" ( **Draco?** _Yes. **More dunking on!**_ ) "Now come here, my fist, your face!"

"Wow, I didn't think Bow-Bow would remember us. Or try to hit girls." Neither did I, Neptune. Neither did I.

"I remember that! You were there and you were shouting while I had that headache!" Bowser roared, small embers beginning to flicker between his teeth. "Here we go, it's SHOW TIME!"

Neptune and Nepgear drew their blades, their stylish futuristic blades complimenting each others. "Oh boy! I got a cool Shiny Blade now!" ( _Oh sweet, that's P*lut**a's Sword from K** Ic***s._ ) Oh sweet, what the trench coat obsessed emo author said. "I'll Nep you black and blue!" Whoa, that sounds uh… Pretty disturbing.

"I'm right behind you, Sis!" Nepgear readied herself mentally for an ons-

"HRAAAAAAAHHH!" That sounds like he barfed, but Bowser unleashed a torrent of flames towards the CPUs, they rolled away but the heat scorched the room.

"My room! Out of here! You can fight, but not in my room!" The Doctor Toad shouted, shooing the trio outside.

"Sorry!" Nepgear quickly apologized and dragged her sister out of there.

"..." Bowser quietly complied. Wait, he complied? ( _Yes._ ) Why? ( _Yes._ ) After getting outside, the battle burned on.

"Hah! Nice try, Bow-Bow! I've seen better Agi skills from a Jack-'o-Lantern!" Neptune taunted… Wait, isn't that a- ( **Yes… Yes it is. Hopefully Sir Emo won't notice.** _Already did._ **Damn it.** ) Well then… "Now let me show you how it's done!" ( _Another one! Yay!_ )

The shorter purplette dashed off into action, running at the oversized turtle dragon kaiju dude. The koopa king tried to spew forth his mighty flames at the short girl, but Neptune was too quick and she was having little to no trouble dodging.

"AAAARRRRGHHHH! Hold still!" That's not happening any time soon.

As Bowser was about to go on the offensive, Neptune quickly sped up, much to the koopa king's surprise. Before Bow-Bow could retaliate, the purplette quickly slid beneath the king's legs, almost knocking him over in the process. Had Bowser been given enough time to catch himself, he would have, but today was not his day.

"I've always wanted to do this." Tossing her sword to the side, Neptune grabbed the koopa king's tail and proceeded to recreate a certain song from 1995. "Like a record!" And so she began to spin Bowser- I get it. I see what you did there, well done. "Wow, this actually isn't as bad as I thought it would be." That's probably because you have an absurd strength stat for someone of your build. "Good point."

"nksjcnhfsjh fmsjd,c!" Oh my gosh, Bow-Bow's screaming has devolved into random gibberish. Someone take a picture!

"I'm on it." Good girl, Starlow… Where the hell did Neptune get those sunglasses? "It's better to stop questioning it." I see…

"Now let's see how far I can throw him."

"You go, sis! I bet you could set some new record if you wanted!" The siscon intensifies.

"And a one and a two and a one two three!" With all the strength she could muster, Neptune threw Bowser as hard as she could.

"AAAAAAAHHH-" *CLANK* Only for him to… crash into a a very inconveniently placed street light… Since when did they have those in the Mushroom Kingdom? ( **They don't, but it's not very hard for a 20 story dragon to put one wherever the hell he likes.** _Aki?_ **Fluffy.** _Ah._ )

"Aw, that's no fun." Speak for yourself. Starlow, get as many pictures of this as you possibly can.

"Way ahead of you." Send me copies. ( **Me too.** _And me._ )

"Goodness, I hope he doesn't suffer too much brain damage from this." Nepgear said worrie-

"I'm a pretty ballerina." Pffffffffffftttt.

"AHAHAHAHAHAH! Oh man, that was totally priceless! Oh, we should totally put him in a tutu before he wakes up." That sounds like a wonderful idea.

And so, they did it. It wasn't easy, but the once burly and terrifying image of the Koopa King was soiled by the pink tutu he wore. Neptune was on the ground, laughing without seeming to pause. "This is! Ahahaha!"

"Pukuh…! S-Sis…!" Not even the more mature Purplette could take this mockery. "This is too much!"

After a good couple of minutes of Starlow snapping a multitude of pictures without hands, might I add, of Bowser in various other cosplay Neptune and Nepgear pulled out of virtually their tiny pockets of their dresses. Just… ( _ **Don't.**_ ) I know, I know!

"So uh… What happens when he wakes up?" Nepgear spoke up, out of her laughing fit. "Do you think he'll remember any of this?"

"I doubt it, but just in case, let's go. We have pressing matters to attend to as well." The representatives of the higher-up Star Figures put her camera down, popping back into Neptune's hood.

"Hooo, that was a good laugh." The Goddess; Purple got up, dusting off her hoodie. "Let's go, we have a few questions for that Doctor Toad."

"You called?" The Doctor poked his head around the gaping hole that used to be the wall of his office.

"Oh, right… That uh… Happened." Neptune searched for words that were never apparent in the first place. Yeah, so uh… Good luck paying that off, these two aren't paying me at all. ( _ **No.**_ ) See? "Um…"

"Can we ask about a way to get rid of those giant angry purple blocks?" Nepgear meekly inquired, trying to find some footing to step on.

"I suppose you could, but you will be paying for reparations to my office, right?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"RIGHT?!"

"Put it on Bow-Bow's tab!"

"Err… The Koopa King has a tab?" Yes. He does, put it on that and let us get through here! "Fine, now come. I'll show you what my crystal ball says." So wait, if you're a doctor, why are you using a crystal ball? "Oh, so you'll pay for it?" I said nothing. "Thought so." ( _This guy is evil. I like him already._ )

"So let's just see, what we need to obtain…" Starlow hovered onto Neptune's head, sitting on it softly. "Your hair is soft, Neptune!"

"Thanks! I washed it in the clouds when we were jumping on them. My head went through one and got soaked!" Showering with clouds, folks. Most efficient way to speedrun life. ( **Just don't actually try it at home… Because there are no clouds in your home. In order to do it, you need to really get high up. I'll even help out.** )

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: I swear, it's like my dragons don't like to behave. At least Glacius is calm and collected… What were we doing again?**

 _Chisaku: I don't know, talking about Pe***na and F*re Em**em?_

 **Draco: Megidolaons for everyone. Unless your name is Fluffy, cuz he just spams Die For Me!**

 _Chisaku: Really? I have more fun using Hassou Tobi, and messing with damage with Power Charge._

 **Draco: That reminds me, I need to go clean up that Reaper corpse Dagron brought home… Little bugger just loves getting into fights. As one might expect of a Lava Dragon.**

 _Chisaku: Awesome. I'm going to go see Fluffy now. Seeya!_


	28. Dragon Fight

"So… We need the Star Cures for the Blorb-thingies?" Neptune inquired, her divine chin rested on the table. "Why do we have to do that? Can't we just go find a Blue Shell and ride into the castle?" I mean... Shouldn't a Goddess want to protect and save people? "But this isn't Planeptune, and that's Jr.'s job."

"Sis! We can't let them know that!" They already know, Nepgear. I'd be surprised if someone didn't know it. ( _Except for Bob._ ) Who's Bob? ( **A walking piece of wank.** ) A what? ( _ **Yes.**_ ) "So we have to find the cures? Where are they?"

"There are three that you must find…" Dr. Toad waved his disproportionality large hand over his crystal ball, an image beginning to form over the murky shadows. "I see… One in a very dark and damp space. Another in a small enclosed area underground… And…?" What's with the silence? "I don't know where the third one is." Oh. I see…

"Then we can just go grab the first two, right?" Nepgear asked, slightly concerned. "Where could the third one be?"

"Maybe it's somewhere he can't see it? Like… Bowser for instance?" Neptune, did you just figure something out? ( **Did someone steal my script?** _I don't think so?_ ) "NO!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Does that mean we have to go back into that yucky place? It feels so disgusting!" The Goddess; Purple physically shuddered. At least she wasn't the one who got thrown into that weird white stuff that nearly ate Nepgear.

"Don't remind me of that… It was warm and really thick." The much more mature sister shuddered, following suit Neptune. "It was all over me and super disgusting!" Heh, so that white stuff was really all over you, eh? ( _Eww, stop, I thought we hired a good narrator this time. Will we have to fire this one too?_ **Well… I think they left… Into a dragon's mouth… I didn't do anything, shut up.** ) Please don't, I need this job! I have a wife and two kids, and I enjoy my life! "A-Are the authors actually being nice for once?" Nepgear was baffled, this was the first time the authors had actually sided with her on this instead of staying passive. "Sis, let's go! We're collecting the cures, now!"

"Whoa!" Grabbed by the hood, Neptune was dragged out of the room with Starlow still on her head. "You're really into this, huh Jr."

"The sooner we find them the sooner we can stop Fawful!" Nepgear exclaimed, although her true motives were easily discerned by her elder sibling.

"You're just excited that those two are siding with you for once, aren't ya?"

"Can you blame me? This entire time they've either been poking fun at me or watching me wallow in misery." Don't forget about the siscon thing. "Yeah! They keep making it out to be a bigger deal than it really is! It's totally normal for a girl to look up to her sister." ( **Maybe, but it's not normal for a girl to look up her sister's skirt.** _Or watch her while she's sleeping._ )

"...What?"

"It's a good thing I had those earplugs ready." What a clever little fox. "But enough about that. We need to find the star cures, right Ms. Starlow?"

"Huh?! Wha… Oh, it's you Nepgear. Sorry, I kind of fell asleep there." Starlow replied, shaking the grogginess away.

"Wait!" Nepgear stopped in her track as a certain toad doctor ran up in front of her? "Do you know what to look for? You don't! Must you search for a certain worm wearing an odd ribbon on its head? You must!"

"Bug with a… Hey, didn't we see something like that inside of Bowser?" Starlow asked, trying to recall if they had or not.

"Hmm…" Nepgear put a hand to her chin in contemplation. And as she thought so did the authors confirm that she… Okay, now this is starting to sound like a game of Dun***s and Dra***s. "I think so. I guess we really will have to go back inside Bowser's body." The candidate sighed, mentally preparing herself to go back inside the belly of the beast.

"Guys?! What's going on?! I still can't hear anything!" Neptune piped in, still wearing the earplugs.

"Oh right… I forgot about that."

"And what's up with that conveniently shaped crack in the wall?!" As everyone looked at the wall Neptune was talking about, Starlow first took out the earplugs, and then… What the hell is that sword Nepgear's holding? ( _It… Uh… I don't recognize that sword._ )

The handle was green, which already set off some flags from what Nepgear normally identified with. "I didn't have any purple or pink parts, so I just worked with what I had." The blade extended out to a katana, an odd discoloration to it, imitating her normal Beam Katana. The handguard was made of a short iron rod, a drill on both sides of the guard. The hilt extended with a sharp curve, bringing an ominous edge to it. "I made it out of the enemies that I took apart. Doesn't it look cool?" ...er, cool is an overstatement. ( _It looks cool, but not very practical._ ) "What's that supposed to mean?" ( **It doesn't look like it would pass as a normal Beam Katana.** ) "Oh really? Then try this!" Did it… Did it just cut clean through the wall? Not even using the crack in the wall, but cutting clean through it. "I found their heat cores and upped their output to be hot enough to cut through solid steel." ( _Draco?_ **Yes, Sir Emo?** _On the count 3? **1… 2… 3...! HUZZAH!**_ )

"Uwoooooaaaaah!" Neptune was still in awe of how clean cut the strike was. "Now we have a new area to explore!" Referring to the orange warp pipe that loomed in front of the two, the Sisters; Purple simply smiled to each other.

"Let's go!" And down the pipe they went.

* * *

"Eww, what's that smell?" Neptune asked as they walked the horizontal shift of the pipe.

"It's dark in here… Maybe there were rats?"

"Or maybe something died in here?"

"Or ma-"

"Or maybe we're back inside Bow-Bow?" Starlow interjected, coming back from ahead. "I remember this smell, it's close to Bowser's empty head."

"Oh." Because of course a warp pipe that comes out in the real world can also have its end be inside of Bowser's body. ( _ **Yes.**_ )

"Okie dokie. Then let's get to looking for that little… Hey, what's that?" Neptune asked, pointing at a pint-sized… Is that the bug they were looking for?

"Oh my goodness! It is the bug we were looking for!"

"Hey!" Starlow called out to the micro-sized bug. "You're the one with the star cure, right? We need to talk to you!"

"..." The little bug merely stared on in silence before- Hey! It's trying to get away!

"Oh no you don't!" Neptune shouted as she ran after the little abomination, Nepgear and Starlow following shortly after. Ooh, I smell a chase sequence incoming. "Catch that bug!" Cue the Benny Hill theme song!

The trio chased the little rapscallion all over the place, high and low. From Bowser's empty skull to his stomach filled with a bunch of unhealthy food… and a bit of gum, too, apparently.

"Don't swallow gum, Bow-Bow!" Starlow shouted as she chased after the caterpillar-type bug...thing… What even is that? "Who cares?" Starlow jumped- wait, but she floats… She float...jumped as she sped towards the bug thing, narrowly avoiding some dripping fluid from- oh gosh, that looks unhealthy!

"I got it!" Neptune lunged at the little bug in the hopes of pinning it under her, but uh…

 **BONK**

"Ow!" She kind of ran into a wall… Or whatever the hell that was.

"I've got it!" Nepgear slid towards the little critter, grabbing at it with her hands. "Uwah!" Only to fall through the surprisingly fragile platform.

"You little!" Starlow kept on the thing's tail, neck and neck, so close she could practically taste it! However, she wasn't quite small enough to fit through all the shortcuts the darn thing kept going in and out of. "Oh come on!"

The next few minutes consisted of the gang running around all over the place trying to catch the bug. Occasionally bumping into each other, falling into small pits, a few slides here and there. "Why are there slides in here?!" Bowser must be more in touch with his inner child than we thought.

So yeah, about ten minutes later and the trio FINALLY had the thing cornered.

"WILL YOU PLEASE STOP CHASING ME?!"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Wheeee, cliffhangers!_

 **Draco: Huzzah for goofy chase sequences! Wait… No, this occasion calls for a Hellelujah!**

 _Chisaku: Where's Fluffy? He'd enjoy this._

 **Draco: I believe he's been fighting with Dagron lately… I never thought I'd live to see a Lava dragon take on a Lich dragon… I have lived quite a fulfilling life.**

 _Chisaku: Let me sit on in a fight sometime._

 **Draco: I'll bring some popcorn.**


	29. (Redacted)

"WILL YOU PLEASE STOP CHASING ME?!" I mean, we could, but this is way too fun to not continue. "Do I LOOK like your toy?"

"I mean, you are a small and adorable little bug. It's perfect for a toy!" Neptune replied ecstatic as alwa-it… Did that thing just talk?

"Yes, this 'thing' just said something, what about it?" … It's mine now. I want this as a pet. COME HERE! "No! I'm not some pet for humans!" Who said I was a human? "...I'm not even going to ask." ( _That's pretty wise of you._ ) "Of course I'm wise, I'm a SAGE!"

"Oh, I'm sorry Ms. Sage." Nepgear formally apologized. "You're the one with the Star Cure, right?"

"Why yes, yes I am." I can so imagine her folding her arms if she were a human. "I was a human at one point, until I was cursed." Oh. Well, I'm sure you were beautiful. NOW I WANT TO CATCH IT!

"Will you give us the Star Cure if we keep you from the narrator?" Neptune! How could you betray me? I thought we were friends!

"Maybe, but that's probably not going to be much of a trial…" She's considering it?!

"Then what can we do to obtain the Star Cure from you?"

"Defeat me in battle." Yes, so I can capture her when she's down! "...and keep me away from that narrator." ( **Ooh, that's a heavy hit.** _Wow, the sage just broke our narrator's moral._ **Hah, well, he's always been one for bugs.** )

"Whew, I was scared there for a second. I thought she was going to ask us to go through a whole labyrinth to find her and then fight her." Neptune sighed in relief, only to realize that her younger sister was shaking her head frantically, and the floating sprite looked like she wished she had hands to cover her face with.

"... Good idea." The worm crawled away, into a small pipe that took her down, further into Bowser's body.

"Sis…"

"This never happened…"

* * *

"Huh. It's a lakefront." The sound of the calm water, the ambient mood of the soft and peaceful wind… This is where I'd want my house. I'm envious of whoever lives in that ridiculously tall lighthouse over in the distance on the cliff dangerously close to the edge. "Hey, Chippy."

"..."

"Hellooo? Are you in there?"

"... Yeah, what happened, Bowser?"

"Nothing, it's just that it's been eerily silent. Normally I feel or hear something going on, what happened in there? Did you break something?"

"No, we're just stuck in a place that won't let us out. So we're just trying to figure a way around it." Starlow replied softly, a long silence following through.

Bowser simply pressed onwards towards the lighthouse, being that the authors wouldn't let him do otherwise. There was, of course, the usual spiel of Bow-Bow screaming at the Emo author and then storming off towards the ridiculously… Why is a lighthouse that big? ( _Traditional lighthouses are about 34 meters high._ ) So? This is 60! ( **The tallest lighthouse is still higher than that.** ) Where did you learn that? ( _ **Yes.**_ ) "Huh?"

"HELP!"

"SOMEONE HELP US!"

"BOWSER! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"Ooooooo!"

"I already don't want to save one of them." Bowser stated, his anger meter beginning to raise.

"Bowser, please!"

"We need you!"

"Booooooowseeeeerrr!"

"... Fine, time to save these idiots too."

"Holy Cannoli, is that Bowsa?!"

"Yowsa, bro, it totes is!"

"Oh snap! It's time for the Bow-Bow bonanaza!"

"..." Bowser then proceeded to walk away as if he hadn't just heard that. "Chippy, you sure you don't want to become my minion? I could really use some that aren't as… eccentric as those guys."

"Not a chance in hell." Starlow wisely replied, wiser than that sage, even… Seriously, give me that damn bug already!

"King Boswer!"

"Your awesomeness!"

"I'll make you cookies if you bail us out!"

"I'll make you TWO cookies!"

"Why are you guys so obsessed with cookies?! Why are all my minions idiots?!" That is a very good questi-

"Because we care!" That makes no sense.

"Ugh… FINE! I'll do it! But only on one condition!"

"We'll do anything, your rancidness!"

"SHUT UP!"

"..."

"..."

"Huh… Can't believe that actually worked." Neither can I, sir Bow-Bow. Stop glaring at me.

Anyway, the big fat turtle dude - stop glaring - made his way through the place and found… an abandoned ship in the middle of nowhere… Because logic! The ship also seemed to have a few flowers emanating some strange form of pollen from them… or something like that. They were big and puffy… much like Bowser.

Stop glaring. "Stop living." Touche… Anyway, the pollen or whatever it was gave off this weird smell, and the closer Bowser got to it, the weirder it got. But for reason, he was still drawn to it, almost like some sort of basic animal urge to figure out what it was. "Ugh… What even is that."

...Methinks that Bowser don't know what pollen is.

"Guys, I think that's our cue." Starlow said from within the Bow-Bow.

"I'm on it!"

* * *

"So what are we supposed to do here?" Starlow wondered aloud. The group were now conveniently in Bow-Bow's nasal cavity area… Kind of gross...

"Maybe if we get him to sneeze hard enough, he can move the boat from where it is." Neptune suggeste… How does one go about making someone sneeze so hard that they push a ship from where it's lodged? "Like this!" Neptune then proceeded to… SHE CAN MAKE GLOWY SWORDS!? ( **I get the feeling she only just remembered she could do that.** ) "I have no idea what you're talking about. But hey, what do you think would happen if I shot em at those thingies sticking out up there?"

"Sis, I don't think that's a good idea." ( **I think it's a great idea!** _Just do it!_ ) "What?"

"Doing it."

"Wait, sis!"

"Neptune, wait!"

Aaaaand it's off! The blade zooms through the air and collides with the weird... nostril...thingies and erupts into a blast of blue energy. Who needs V**gil anyway? Anyways, they all…puff up… Which is not what I'd expect to happen to something when it gets blasted by a big, blue glowy sword.

"Huh…?"

"What the...goodness?"

"Hmm… Maybe it's I'm not high enough level to properly use that move?" You have to be a certain level to actually use that move? "I'mma use another." ( _By the power of Neptune magic, Neptune grows to the max level._ **I don't think we can do that.** ) "These are my glowy swords!" Aaaaaaaaand…

"..."

"..."

"..."

What do you know, the almost-but-not-quite emo author was right. ( **Told ya… The f*** kind of title is that?** _What? Uh..._ )

"Ah… Ahhh… ACHOOOOOOOOO!"

"...Huh… That actually worked. Nice job, Neptune."

"Well then… Good job, sis."

"Protagonist pose GO!

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Well then… That uh… Happened._

 **Draco: We can always pretend that it didn't. Kind of like with (redacted).**

 _Chisaku: Right, like (expunged) and stuff, right?_

 **Draco: Exactly, it's like the time we (data corrupted) and had to cut it off.**

 _Chisaku: Or that time when we (censored) and then had to (deleted) some girl!_

 **Draco: Definitely better than the time Aki and I (warning! warning! sensitive data has been tampered with!) And I'm still not sure whose blood that was to this day.**


	30. HERE IT COMES! NEPU-!

"ACHOOO!" How this is physically possible, I will never understand but Bow-Bow is pushing a ship with a sneeze. ( _He inhaled half of the Mushroom Kingdom. THIS is what you're questioning?_ **Don't forget that he somehow shrunk all that stuff in the process… somehow.** ) Oh. Right… Either way, it's still… "Huh... That... Was one hell of a sneeze." Bowser stood there for a second, trying to comprehend that he just did that. "Oh, right… Lighthouse." He continued to push onwards, going for a nice swim in the lake with somehow a lack of breath meters and somehow holding his breath the entire time. "Chippy, did you do something for me to breath and talk underwater?"

"..."

"Chippy? HEY! CHIPPY! ARE YOU ALIVE?!"

"Ye...I...Ma?"

"Oh, right... It's water." Wait, sound physics still work underwater but not breathing? ( _ **Yes.**_ **So you're not going to question how he can't hear something INSIDE him AWAY from all the damn water?** _Didn't we teach him not to question this stuff at this point?_ **You think that'd actually stop him anyway?** _True._ ) ...Shut up. After a whole string of things underwater including defying physics and breaking massive brick blocks and robots surviving on the lake floor. "Whew…" Finally resurfacing from the help of a clam that shot him up, the Beefy King with a name resembling a hair tie took a deep breath of a... So he does need air...?

 _*Smack*_

( **Sir Emo?** _Don't look at me, that wasn't me._ ) "So uh... Wasn't the lighthouse around here somewhere?" Bowser looked around, only to find a wide and open field. "Did I surface in the wrong spot?" Bow-Bow… Look up. "Huh. It got really cloudy all of a sudd-"

*THUD*

* * *

"Um... What just happened?" Starlow looked up, as if the ceiling was non-existent. "Hold on." She flew up top, shouting up to Bowser. "Hey! Big Guy! You alright up there? ... No answer, oh no."

"Maybe he's in trouble again?" Nepgear inquired, her head looking left and right endlessly on the overview map of Bowser's body. "Look, there's something shiny do-"

"SHINY THING GOOD!" And there goes Neptune.

"Wait up, sis!" And there goes Nepgear.

"I wonder if he got crushed again." And there goes the yellow magic eight ball. "I will hurt you." I will now shut up, but only because I want to.

"We are the evoglobin."

"Wait, but don't these guys only show up when… Oh you've got to be kidding me!" Starlow yelled out loud.

"I guess Bow-Bow must be a magnet for giant things or something. I say we make a bet to see how long it takes before he gets crushed again." ...Can I get in on that? ( **Me too.** _Same._ ) Wait, but you guys are the writers. Don't you already know when it's going to happen? ( _ **Nooooo…** We're completely lost on this. Don't worry about it._ ) "Taking all bets, people!"

"Sis, please… 50 coins on 8 chapters." Even Nepgear is joining now?!

"60 coins says 10 chapters!" Starlow?

"Hm… Then in that case I'm putting down… 55 coins on 9 chapters!" ...Oh screw it, I might as well join. 70 coins on 11 chapters.

"20 Emoglobins on-" WHY ARE THEY JOINING?! ( **Because shut up.** ) THEY'RE BETTING WITH THEIR OWN PEOPLE AS CURRENCY! ( _25 human assassin skeletons on-_ ) AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH! ( _Nyehehehe_.)

"Okie dokie, we have all of our bets in place!" Shouldn't you guys be, oh I dunno… saving Bow-Bow? "Huh…? Oh yeah, maybe we should do that thing." Thank you. It's about freaking- "Glowy sword away!"

"Wait, but sis the boat's right- Kyah!" Huh… So Neptune can ride on her glowy swords now like surfboards? What's next? Just what kind of nonsense will be next? ( _Next time on Pudding Ball Z, Giant Bowser fights a train._ **He also gets dunked on.** )

"This is the only way to travel!"

"I can think of several other ways we could be traveling, sis!"

"Oh come on, Jr.! Live a little! You'll learn something!"

"How are we supposed to make Bowser big again without the canons on the boats?"

"Don't worry, I got it covered! I snuck into the writer's hobby room, or whatever it was, and found something real fun to play with!" ( **...No… No, don't do me like this!** _Oh god, what did she take?_ ) "Here we go!" And suddenly out of nowhere a blue, glowing… tarot card came down into Neptune's pa- "Nepsona!" ( _ **THERE IT IS!**_ ) Jeez, you guys are way too eccentric about this.

"What the goodness is that?!"

"I art thou."

"It can talk?!"

"And thou art I. I have emerged from the seas of thine weird as all hell soul. I may have also stubbed my toe on the way out." YOU DON'T HAVE TOES! "It hurts like hell, so let's finish this soon." Who even are you?! "I am Iza****"

"YEAH!" You have got to be kidding me. ( _ **HUZZAH!**_ )

"I don't even know what's going on anymore."

"You and me both, Nepgear." When did Starlow even catch up? "Yes." Not you too!

"Go, my minion! We're gonna make Bowser all big and stuff!"

"..." Oh, now it stops talking!

"He can't help it! He's supposed to be the silent badass type!" And away it goes, slashing at a bunch of red and green orbs with a giant weapon… Next thing you know he'll be shooting elec- ( **It then proceeded to blast the orbs with electricity.** ) You've got to be kidding me. "Yahoo! Only one more to go now!"

"Goodness, he works quite fast."

"Wow. I'm actually kind of impressed. If I had known those guys had this kind of stuff locked up in one of their rooms, I would've had Neptune swipe their stuff a long time ago." ( **Where did I leave the chains and lock again?** _Right over by Fluffy's pen._ **Fluffy's… So that's how she got in.** )

"And here comes the finisher!" The purple CPU jumped into the air off of her glowy sword and took her… Nepsona's weapon and used it to smack the final orb thing right back where it came from. "Giant Kaiju Bow-Bow, GO!"

* * *

"HRRRRAAAAGH!" Up sprouted Bowser, the newly revamped massive King towered ( **I will hurt you.** ) at equal height with the Tower with a face.

"Ho...ly...Koopa."

"Yo, bro... We need to get off these shrooms, yo. We're wayyyy too high."

"Like Bowser? Look how far up he is!"

"By the way, did anyone else notice that he completely walked past us?"

"Shush! He'll be back for us."

"Heh, a Lighthouse that can fly." Bow-Bow reeled back, forcing the tower back with an explosive punch, landing it into the water. "Can't do much if you're stuck, can you?" Did he... Did he just become a professional boxer? Look at how fast he's punching for once!

"SYSTEMS DAMAGED." Whoa, the tower can talk? "PROCEEDING WITH DEFENSIVE MEASURES." The tower lifted from the water, landing behind Bowser with a heavy ground shaking 'thud.' "MUST REPAIR SYSTEMS." Shy Guy dispatched from the tower's supposed mouth, flying out with bombs, and tools. "DESTROY ATTACKERS." WHOA! Is that a nuke?!

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: Dang it Fluffy! Stop letting people into that room!**

 _Chisaku: Come on, Draco. I'm sure he doesn't mean it!_

 **Draco: He ate half of your stuff.**

 _Chisaku: WAIT, WHAT?!_

 **Draco: And I think he buried a few other things somewhere in the desert… I'll help you find them… He is my responsibility after all.**

 _Chisaku: I swear if he buried my tarot cards, I'm going to be so pissed. I'm going to ban him from the UnderWorld if he did._


	31. And the female (redacted)

So we found about… 20 cards and… Chisaku…? Where the hell am I?

"Hey, doesn't this new narrator sound kinda familiar?" ...Oh, this is going to be fun. "Now where have I heard that voice before?" You're just imagining things. ( _But Dra-_ ) Yo dawg! I heard you like narrators, so I BECAME ONE! I don't know how, but I did. ( _Ok then… This happened…_ )

"Okay… Where were we again?" Chippy asked. To answer that there question, we were watching the king o' the koopas whail on the face of a giant walking tower thingie with a face.

"GRAAAAAAAHHHH!" Look at him go ladies and gentlemen! He's a freaking machine! A machine in the form of a slightly overweight dragon turtle dude. ( _So basically two machines fighting each other?_ ) "I will kill you! As soon as I figure out who you are!" Let's see you try~

"I like this guy." Neptune said. Truly that is a great honor.

"He really does sound eerily familiar." Nepgear piped in, only to pipe up immediately after. ( _Sounds like she's getting high._ ) ...I'm sorry, what now? "Hey!"

"Jr.! I thought you were better than that! Big sis Nep-Nep is disappointed in you!"

"I am not!" Looks like she's taking that as badly as a siscon that watches Neptune sleep at night… Oh wait. "Hey!"

"Oh, I already knew about that."

"Here comes the pain train!" That's not gonna for a few more chapter, Bow-Bow, get your head on straight. "AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!" And with a big wind-up and an equally big punch, the likes of which would make...actually no, I've seen better. "RGH! RGH! RGH!" Oh yeah! Feel the burn! Punch it in the face! Keep punching! Don't stop! Aaaaaand it broke… Way to go Bowser. "HHHHHHHNNNNNNGGGGGHHH!" Is it just me or does he suddenly sound kind of constipated? ( _Doesn't he always?_ ) Truer words have never been spoken. "HEY! GAYLORD EMO! YOUR SKELETON, MY THRONE." ( _Of what castle?_ ) OHHHHHH!

"Pfffffffft."

"What the goodness?" You can say that Nepgear, but I can hear you holding back a chuckle.

"Anyway… Nice one, Bow-Bow."

"I hate all of you!" Oh goodie, he's foaming at the mouth now. He's like a rabid dog. "Must! Punch! Something!" And so Bowser went inside the majorly wrecked facey tower thing and began his search for something to punch. "Something punchable! Need it!" But there's nothing stopping you from punching yourself. ( _Or going back for your minions you so kindly abandoned._ ) "AAAAAARGH! I still have Goombas!" We'll see how long that lasts.

And so the big boned and equally big weighted koopa ascended an elevator. A super high tech elevator that didn't seem to have any identifiable power source and no real means of propelling itself upward, except for maybe magic or something like that… Take notes Nepgear. "Already on it."

Sadly, all Bowser found at the top of the ride was what looked like some sort of library with a completely inconspicuous giant boo-looking device with a big red button on its back… Completely inconspicuous. Just… Just totally blends into the environment. All the lardy king could do was go check out the book, but sadly, it was blank, therefore making it un-punchable. What a tragedy. "I'm still gonna punch it!"

"There will be none of the punching!" ( _Books are people too!_ ) Or at least Bow-Bow was gonna, until the book started moving on its own, flipped itself open and a spirit came out of it… You know, just like all books these days. "So, I am Yikk. It should be easy to remember because it rhymes with you are." Wait, what no- "A DI**" OOOOOHHHHHHHH! Oh snap! Get the lotion cause someone just got BURNED!

"At least I HAVE one!" Yikes… Wait, why aren't I in the safe-zone? Uh… Uh… Draco? ( **What's up? I've been here the whooooole time. You havin' fun out there mysterious narrator?** ) Oh geez… "Hrgyah!" Punching a spirit does nothing, Bowser. Your powers do not work in this realm.

"FOOL! If you stuck your head out of your a** and stuck it in a book, you'd understand this!" This man...spirit...thingie, utter… Destruction. Just… Destruction. "Now if you're going to punch something, take it out on something that is softer, and NOT my machine."

"Oh, you mean that giant and totally unimportant Boo Machine over there?" ( **You mean that totally inconspicuous machine thing? How did he notice?!** )

"Yes, that thing you dumba**!"

"PUNCHABLE!"

"NO SUCH THING WILL BE DO-" It's no use! "Hah!" Bowser punched the machine, the light springing to life. "..." That's what I meant by no use. "Wipe that smug grin off your face." I could, but I like my smile, it's the only thing that keeps me from being Faglord Emo.

"..." Bowser stared at the light for a good two seconds, before proceeding to punch the machine again. "Punchable, no fun, but punchable." Huh. Wonder if this spirit dude intentionally created it sturdy enough to endure damage.

"OBVIOUSLY!" Weren't expecting it to survive this, huh? "WHY WOULD I EXPECT A GIANT CREATURE LIKE THIS TO PUNCH MY MACHINE?!" I mean, people prepare for lots of unlikely things, like Ebola, the Zombie Apocalypse, and the female ( _redacted_ ). "..."

"..." Did I say something wrong? "Whatever." Bowser punched the machine again, the light shining on with an ominous aura. "Wuzzit do?"

"It's a machine that allows the user to see, and walk through Boo Blocks." Oh, so basically WeeGee's old flashlight, but stronger. "Who's that?"

"Who's that?" Who's that? ( **Who's that?** ) Exactly.

Well I guess it doesn't really… Hey, could you warn me next time before I get thrown back in? ( _Who gets thrown in? I have no idea what you're talking about._ ) You're lucky I don't have a list anymore, otherwise you totally would have just been added to it.

"So what the heck is a Boo block anyway?" Bow-Bow asked, clearly too dense to figure it out by himself. "Oh, you just made my list, buddy!" Heheheheheh.

* * *

"Hey guys, check it out. Those blocks that were blocking us just disappeared." Thank you for pointing that out, Starlow. I hereby dub thee Lieutenant Obvious.

"Can I be Captain?" Neptune asked eccentrically. And no, you can't be captain, since you did kind of take some stuff from that one room. "Oh come on! I can't help it! Big me showed me some thievery skills, so I wanted to test it out." Wait, what? When the hell does this story take place again? "In an alternate timeline where I can reference my "adult" self from another dimension." How the… I have underestimated the power of Neptune magic. "You also underestimate my thieving skills. That one card wasn't the only thing I took~" Chisaku! ( _Already checking aaaaaaand… Crap, did she take Mara?! OH GOD NO!_ ) "What the heck is a Mara?" NOTHING! ( _NOTHING!_ ) "O...kay then…"

"Sis, is that a gun?"

"Nope."

"Uhh… The bug?"

"Oh right!"

"That's right!"

So yeah, now that they actually remembered their freaking objective, the duo of lilac-haired girls, alongside the floating yellow bowling ball- "HEY!" Finally continued on with their journey to beat up that bug and take its Star Cure, or whatever it was called.

Unfortunately enough, the little critter headed off into a pathway that Neptune and Nepgear were far too big to fit into. That meant that the two would be forced to solve an unnecessarily long puzzle of making a star out of whatever the hell those parts of Bowser's organs those are. They kind of look like they're glowing, too… I don't know how, but they are.

"Okay… So we just have to cut it like this…" Wait, what now?

"And then fold it like this…"

"Color it with some neon blue markers aaand…" ( _Oh my… Uh…_ ) Oh my gosh… They made a paper mache star to fit into that oddly shaped slot… That's uh… That's one way to avoid having to do that puzzle…

"And now we just stuff it in there!" Oh my gosh… The path actually opened… I was not expecting that to work… ( _Neither was I…_ ) Well played. "Neptune magic at its finest." Do you think you could teach me some? ( _Me too?_ ) "Sorry, but this is a technique-" It's a technique now? "Only accessible to those with the proper protagonistic genes in their DNA." …What? ( _...What?_ ) "Now let's go beat up a bug!"

"Wait, sis! You're not supposed to point that at your own head!"

"Oh, but I am! Let's rock, uncle Thani!"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Ah, the world's most unexpected events turn out to be the most likely. While what everyone has been preparing for became a hoax._

 **Draco: Forget that. We're still missing a few cards, damn it! Do you have any idea how much sand I had to wade through to get the ones I found now?! A lot!**

 _Chisaku: We're still missing a Mara, an Alice, and I think my Succubus is missing too. I'll help out this time._

 **Draco: Well at least now we know where uncle Thani is… The powers of Neptune magic are truly a force to be reckoned with.**

 _Chisaku: I seriously have to wonder what Fluffy was doing, letting Neptune in like that._

 **Draco: I'm just surprised at how much she stole! Well, I guess it won't really matter all that much as long as we get it all back. But for now I guess we can let her keep it… For now...**


	32. Uncle Thany

"I art thou and thou art I…"

"What the goodness is tha-"

"We're a happy family~"

"I didn't know he could sing!"

Whoa! Such an impeccable singing. ( **I think my ears are bleeding, it's so beautiful.** ) I wonder if this feeling of dizziness has also been brought about by the beauty of such singing.

"Oh hey, look, it's the bug!" Neptune exclaimed as she pointed forward in a dramatic fashion, though she kind of looked like a monkey. "That comment just makes me wanna go bananas." Oh snap! "Go get it, Uncle!"

"..." Oh really, this one, too? "I will eat your innards and use them as a jump rope!" OH god, get it away from me! ( _Ooh, I see dementia._ ) "..."

"Get him, uncle!"

"Sis, we don't have an uncle…" In response to that short little remark, the looming figure of death turned around to face the two purplette, the feelings of betrayal present on his unchanging mask. Yes, it's possible, now shut up. Nepgear was suddenly feeling a bit bad, but the feeling was only cemented as a single tear fell from one of its eyeholes.

"Jr.! Look what you did now! Uncle Thany is very sensitive about these things."

"What the goodness! I-I didn't know… I'm sorry." You better be! ( **You're just saying that because you're terrified of him.** ) LOOK at that mask! Who wouldn't be afraid?!

"Cheer up, uncle. It's fine, Jr. didn't mean it."

"I'm really sorry if I upset you in any way… U-uncle." That sounded so awkward and quite forced. I have my doubts that he'll at all buy into-

"We're a happy family~" Oh… I didn't realize Neptune had such an equally lovely voice. (I **t's like the beautiful harmony of fingernails scraping against a chalkboard.** _I think it's absolutely wonderful, sounds like when (redacted) and (expunged) happened awhile back._ ) "Jr., sing it with me!"

"Wha… O-okay…"

"We're a happy family~" "We're a happy family~" Nepgear your voice is terrible, nothing like your sister's or your uncle's… Stop glaring at me…

"..." Is it smiling? I can't tell since its mask doesn't really move much. "..." Yup, it's smiling. Such beautiful family bonds!

"... Are you guys done now?" The worm said something, lazing around on her back. That's a girl...right? "Does it matter?" Wha- Why are you asking that?! "Doesn't concern this story now, does it?" ( _Yikes, a bat to the fourth wall._ **Yeah, I just barely dodged under it.** _We're never fixing it, are we?_ )

"..." Oh, sweet, kickassery time. Here we go!

"Go, Uncle Thany!" The Goddess;Purple gestured forward, her finger pointed out with the determination of a million detemmienations.

"Oh geez, you too now?" Sorry, Starlow, not my script, I'm just reading it.

"..." Geez, how nimble is that worm-thing?! It has a BOW on its head, a pink BOW!

"So? It's cute, and of course, any cute equipment makes dodging easier!" Neptune stated with a triumphant air.

"Sis, aren't we going to help Uncle Thany?"

"Nah, just look at him go-"

 _*SLAM*_

"Or maybe not so much." Ok, calling in an army isn't fair. "Jr., showtime!"

"Right!" The sisters leapt into the fray, swords held at the ready. Wait, is that...is that a golf club?

"Oh. Um, not sure how this happened. But yah! Yah!" Neptune swung furiously at the worm, slamming the blunt of it into multiple areas of Bowser's insides.

"Yowch! Chippy! CAREFUL IN THERE! THAT HURTS!"

"We're trying to kill a bug, sorry."

"WITH WHAT?! Just step on it!"

"Not when it's about the size of us."

"...How big is that thing?"

"Probably six inches tall."

"How tall are you?"

"I'm about two inches tall right now." Adorable tiny little Starlow.

"..."

"Get back here! I'll Nep you black and blue!" Oh wow, riding on Uncle Thany, that's a pretty awesome idea. Especially with a Goddess from a happy and fun place is riding on a ridiculously edgy monster. ( _To be fair, Persona earned their edgy-ness. They're always sharp and on point!_ **Sir Emo, have you seen my triangle knife lying around? So I can hurt you with it?** _I think I saw it in Fluffy's pen._ **Damn it, Fluffy!** )

"Wait, Sis! Let me on!" Nepgear jumped a couple of times from down below. "Grab my hand!"

Did… Did that worm just stick its tongue out at us? Get it! "Uncle Thany, after that worm!" Wait, aren't you going to let Nepgear on? And there they go.

"Wait! Waaaiiit!" Oh dear, another time Nepgear gets swamped. This might scar her worse than that time with the Dogoos.

"Oh yeah… Maybe I should… Nah!" What are you thinking about here in the middle of a fight?! "Noooothing important…" ...Sure you're not… "Go uncle, go!" And there he goes cutting everything apart and… "Hey, Jr.! Close your eyes for a minute!"

"Wait, why?!"

"Just trust me on this!"

"...Okay!"

"Now cut 'em up, Uncle Thany!" Okay, I don't see why she had to close her eyes because of- OH GOD! He's tearing them all apart and biting into their… I think I'm feeling a bit sick all of a sudden… Oh god, he's actually eating their… Ugh… Where is my stomach medicine? ( **Here, I have some left over.** ) Thank you… ( **Oh cool, the popcorn's ready.** ) "Whoa! Uncle! You're moving around a bit too much and-AAAARGH!"

And there she falls… Right off of her uncle's shoulder.

"Can I open my eyes now?" Nepgear asked that, but she was kind of reluctant.. What with all the chaotic noises and shaking... and all the screaming, too. That really wasn't helping.

"Oh my god! It feels like I have some internal bleeding!" Shut up, Bow-Bow, you're fine.

"Sure, just try not to pass out when you do."

"What do you mean by…" She opened her eyes and...yeah, now she understood what Neptune meant. "Sis..."

"What's up, kiddo?"

"Did you not let me on because you knew this would happen?"

"Something like that…" What a convenient explanation that just happened to fall into Neptune's lap. "Shut it!" You know… You actually do look pretty intimidating covered in blood like that… You should clean that off soon. "..." Stop staring at me!

"I'm sorry I doubted you." Was the last thing Nepgear said as she promptly passed out. The good news is, her dear old uncle was there to catch her gently in his hand as she fell.

"What do you people want from me?!" The bug shouted, reminding everyone of what they had been trying to do.

"Oh, right... We were looking for the… the… the thing…"

"The Star Cure." Starlow said, popping out of… Actually, I didn't see where she came out of…

"Yeah. That." Neptune stated. "The thing."

"Either you give it up, or we have Uncle Thany go for round 2." Whoa! Threats from Starlow! Nice! ( **I like it!** _She's one of us now!_ ) "...Please give us the star cure…" Apparently she doesn't like that idea. "Of course not! One's an emo Dark Lord, or whatever he calls it, and the other's a psychotic Dragon Tamer!" Fair point.

"Here! Take it! Just leave me alone!"

"Seriously? Yippee! We did it, Uncle!" Neptune excitedly exclaimed, cheering to the heave… To the nostril…? Whatever, you get the point… Although "Uncle Thany" was being awfully silent for some reason… More so than usual, I mean... "Uncle…? Why are you glowing like that?"

"..." the towering death god merely handed the purple sister back to Neptune, not saying a word.

"Come on, Uncle… Don't tell me…" The proud uncle merely nodded his head, as if to say 'yes'. "I… I knew this moment would come… I just… Wish we had more time together…" The elder purplette solemnly looked to the ground. "Will we get to see you again?" Once again, the large figure nodded 'yes'. "We'll miss you…"

Without another word… He vanished into a blue light… So beautiful… Serene. And totally a perfect time to end this chapter!

"Huh? Alrighty… See ya back at the basilicom, Uncle!" Well, it looks like someone's not getting that card back.

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Geez, with how many holes in the fourth wall we have, I'm surprised readers haven't been showing up yet._

 **Draco: You know, I'm more surprised that you're not more upset that you're never getting that Thanatos card back. He seems to have taken quite a shining to his new nieces.**

 _Chisaku: … WAIT WHAT?!_

 **Draco: Don't be a homewrecker. Just let it go. Don't tear apart such a beautiful family!**

 _Chisaku: But… But… We still have Satan to go fuse at least._

 **Draco: That's the spirit! Let's go summon Satan!**


	33. Sleepy Draco

"So uh… Is it all over?" Bowser was confused, yet relieved at the same time. The pains were slowing now, but it was eerily quiet.

"Yes, we squashed the bug in here."

"Weren't you just complaining that it was like ridiculously huge compared to you?"

"Yes, but we squashed it. Well, to be more specific, we fried it four ways from Friday." Did… Did she just make her first pun of the series? OH MY GOD! ( _One of us! One of us! One of us!_ **Zzzz...** )

"Well, I'm STILL stuck in here!"

"Wait, we found something back here. Let us check it out." Starlow shouted, before going silent again.

"...grumble."

* * *

"Well, that's that." Nepgear sighed, walking forward. "Let's see what's up ahead, right Sis?"

"Yeah… I guess…" Oh great, more problems. We have a Codename Depressed Neptune, someone grab the pudding! "Pudding?" We got her back! Come on guys! "Let's go… We can have some pudding later."

"Is this… One of Bowser's joints?" No, it's TOTALLY the leg area. There's absolutely NOOOOO WAAAAYYY this is a joint area. "..." It's kinda embarrassing with you staring like that, so could you please stop?

"Ooh, shiny thing!" Neptune was already messing around with the "ground" in Bowser's body. "It's buried into the bone… Hm…"

"Sis?"

"I think we can break through to get these. They look important if they're shining like this."

"But, we don't have any drills, and in the first place wouldn't that cause MORE damage to Bow-Bow?"

"You're too naive, Baby Sis. Shiny means important. Important means story plot. And story plot means the authors aren't mad at us and try to kill us off again during a cliffhanger." ( _Guilty as charged._ **That's mostly because of Sir Douche over here… Back to my nap. Zzz...** ) Neptune stood up triumphantly. "Anyways, I got this!" Oh goodie, another reference.

"That's a… Giant sword."

"Yeah! It's said that a certain Fairy Boy used this after meeting a bunch of Volcano dwellers!" Oh, I heard about that. This sword took one ridiculously long time based quest to complete, on top of 3 more days that were arbitrarily short. "That's right! Hiyah!" Oh geez, that broke the bone clean through.

* * *

"YOWCH! Watch it in there!"

"Well, check if you can do something new now? We released a tense part of your body."

"Something new?"

"Like a flip or something?"

"I've always wanted to try that." Bow-Bow stood straight, launching off his feet backwards. "Whoa…" The shell on the Bowser goes round and round, round and round, until it slams to the ground~ "That was… Aweso-Gwwwoorghjsbdjfbajs" Whoa! Look at all that vomit! "Okay… That was kind of cool… But I'm never doing that again."

"Oh good… It got kinda spinny in here, too…"

"Okay, new tactic!"

"AAAHHHHH!" Suddenly, it felt like Bow-Bow was getting stabbed in the bone… again… "What the hell kind of tactic is this?!"

"The good kind!"Well, that's one way to put it.

"Look, Bow-Bow, for us to make any progress, you're gonna have to use that spinny move again, so just suck it up."

"But the spinning!"

"Then just don't spin as much!"

"...I knew that…"

"Suuuuuure you did." So yeah, Bow-Bow left the premises, that being the inside of a big 'ol lighthouse slash fighting robot slash library ( **Zzz… Get dunked on, you moron!** _Making references in your sleep? As expected of you, Draco._ ) slash tanning salon. "Wait, it had one of those?!" Hell if I know. "Then don't say it, you moron!" Okay…

"Oh boy… A switch…" Oh, this oughta be good. Where's my popcorn? "Let's do this!" Following Starlow's advice, Bow-Bow only did one full spin in the air before pounding down on the switch with his shell. The good news is, he didn't vomit this time and was able to keep his lunch in his belly. "Okay, that's much better."

"It worked!" Neptune exclaimed triumphantly, an arm around nepgear's waist… Ah, I see. She stabbed her sword into Bow-Bow's bone so she'd have something to hold onto while the big guy spun around. Quite an ingenious, and probably kind of painful, idea. "How do ya like them apples? See how awesome you big sis is, Jr.? ...Jr.?" Yeah, Nepgear's still kind of blushing over the fact that her sister was currently grabbing her around the waist and all… Definitely a siscon if I ever saw one.

"Hey… Is that?" Just as the focus re-shifted to Bow-Bow, one of his minions appeared in front of him from behind a pair of rocks. "Hey minion!" Bowser called out to the goomba only five feet away from him… Which went unheard. "Yo, minion!" Nope, still nothing… The Goomba dude just kept walking forward. "YO, DUMBASS!" Apparently Goombas are semi-blind, and partially deaf if that guy couldn't hear his boss from LITERALLY FIVE FEET AWAY! "AARTYDVKJBUBCJEDB!"

"What was that?" OH! So he understands unintelligible gibberish, eh? Good thing to keep in mind. "King Bowser! You Alive, Son!" What the fu-

"What the fu-"

"I'm trying to stand out more, okay?"

"Okay… Ignoring that, where are the others?"

"Well uh… When you went all giant on us we kinda freaked out and skedaddled out of there! We also ran into the Koopa unit stuck in a cage on the way." How convenient, because the authors totally didn't forget about them! "The only problem is, they were waiting for so long that they all turned into Dry Bones." O...kay…

"Say what…?" Bow-Bow's jaw was pretty close to hitting the floor right about now. "Well uh… ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN!" WHAT PLAN INVOLVES LETTING YOUR OWN TROOPS STARVE TO DEATH IN A CAGE?! "You see, now that they're Dry Bones, they can just uh… Put all of their bones out of the cage and rebuild themselves outside of it… Yeah, just as planned!"

"That's a morbid plan, your mentally handicappedness."

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"Your burliness!"

"Your morbidness."

"Say that ag...ain…"

"Hello, King Bow-Bow… It's been a while." Oh my.. The Dry Bones are all here… And oh my, do their eyes look so very frightening. "That certainly was quite a morbid plan, your morbidness…"

"W-w-w-well, Dry Bones are cooler, and more resilient, so…"

"I see… So the dead are more useful to you…"

"Okay, that's not what I- Whoa!" Suddenly, an RPG was fired at the overweight king, which he almost didn't dodge in time. "What the hell?!"

"Sorry… My finger slipped…" Where did they even GET an RPG in the FIRST PLACE?! I didn't think the Mushroom Kingdom produced those. "No, they're pretty easy to get. Just need a special license." Hook me up.

"Whatever, come on. We got some butt to kick."

"Oh, don't worry about us, we're all right behind you." The Dry Bones turned to his companions. "Right, guys?"

"Yes, King Bow-Bow. We're all here for you." Wow, that's kinda creepy how their eyes are glowing. ( _Wait, skeleton-like creatures, full of hatred, glowing eyes, this can only mean one thing._ **Yes, yes it does. _TIME TO GET DUNKED ON!_ ...Zzzz** ) That author has been asleep this entire time. Amazing. ( **I do this a lot. ...Zzzzz** ) Ok, that time you were awake! ( _No idea what you're talking about._ )

"... Ok then. We're leaving." Bowser turned, feeling intense stares on his back the entire time as he made his way off towards the castle… Again. Only, not the same part of the castle he was looking for. "Did you run into any other minions?"

"I saw the Shy Guy Squad somewhere… Don't remember where they were left, but I think they were close to the Bob-Omb Brigade too."

"Let me guess, no idea where they are too."

"Yep."

"Useless."

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: Zzz… So, starve them to death and let them figure a way out by themselves, huh…? Duly noted.**

 _Chisaku: I mean, not a bad idea. Good way to get more undead troops._

 **Draco: Zzz… Granted, you run the risk of having a knife slid into your back… Or an RPG**

 _Chisaku: I mean, would any of my troops think about challenging me?_

 **Draco: If they were in cahoots with Fluffy, yes… Zzzz...**

 _Chisaku: But Fluffy loves me! He wouldn't do that to me!_

 **Draco: He loves me, too… Well, he genuinely loves me like a friend, and look how well that's turned out for me… Zzz...**


	34. What is this chapter?

"So remind me again, why are we heading back such a far way?" Bowser asked the Goomba beside him who could barely keep up.

"I found the Shy Guy Squad, didn't you say you wanted to find them?" Why is he panting so heavily? Are… Are his feet just that small? "YES! I'M TINY! I GET IT!" Whoa, don't shout. "Anyways, they should be…"

"Hallo?"

"Anyone there?"

"Bob, get off of my head!"

"Yo dawgs, we got dawgs on dawgs!"

Wow, what is that sausage fest of Shy Guys? "Some of them are girls." ...Orgy much? "Come on, let's keep is safer here." Goobs deadpanned.

"Oi, idiots, you know you could've smashed the cage yourselves, right?" Bow-Bow stood in front of the cage, slightly annoyed.

"Bowser!"

"Bowser, Bowser!"

"I mean… We don't have anything to work with…"

"You have rope and a handful of yourselves. That's enough to break out." Winding up a punch, the burly king of beef cheesed the cage to pieces. ( _Now I'm hungry. Time to go grab a rice ball._ **To the hot dog stands!** ) "Now come on, I've got to find a Star Cure thingy."

"Star Cure thingy?" Goobs asked, slightly curious. "I think we have something like that in the castle vault, don't we?"

"We do?"

"You mean this thingy, right?" For the sake of the readers, the text box grew bigger with the picture of a water drop with a star in it. Yowch, I took the bat this time. ( _Think a reviewer will crash the story if we bat this wall enough?_ **We still have reviewers?** _The ONE reviewer, yes._ ) "Yeah, it should be there."

"We're going there first then." Bowser stormed towards the beaten path, a direction set in his mind.

"Oh, and apparently the Bob-Omb Brigade is somewhere down that cave." A Shy Guy spoke up.

"In that rickety cave that looks incredibly dangerous and may collapse at any time?"

"Yep."

"We're going there!" Bow-Bow… I have no words.

What do you know? It did collapse on them. "Whoopsssssss, King Bowsssser. We messsssed up." Is this Dry Bones a Snake now? "Maybe we are. Apparently we sssssskeletonssss look like ssssnakessss." ( **That explains the masculine bandana.** ) "I know. It'ssssssss beautiful."

"What is wrong with you guys?!"

"Butterfingers~"

"AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!"

"Is Bow-Bow falling again?" Kind of goes without saying at this point, doesn't it, Neptune? "True dat! Jr., grab onto me and don't let go!"

"R-r-right." The blushing intensifies… Oh, wait… Oh yeah, Bowser, he's uh… Doing a thing.

"Don't worry, King Bowser. We've got your back." Suddenly, from seemingly out of nowhere, a giant Bob-Omb with a magnificent moustache and a crown on its head came flying with several Bob-Ombs surrounding him and grabbed hold of the overweight Koopa King. "The power of my moustache will guide us to victory!"

"AHH!" Unfortunately for Bowser, having a giant Bob-Omb crash into you out of nowhere kind of hurts. "Okay! ...That's a thing now!"

"How unfortunate…"

"Why do you look so disappointed?" Bowser asked the glowing-eyed Dry Bones, as if the answer wasn't obvious enough already.

"I just wanted to see how sturdy your shell was is all." Oh please. Bow-Bow might be an idiot, but even he's not going to fall-

"Ha! My shell's the toughest in all the land!" ...For the first time in my life, I'm just… I'm speechless. "See? Nothing can get past my iron defenses!" The overweight king boasted as he retreated into his shell, but uh… That was probably a mistake, seeing as how the Koopa Troopa turned Dry Bones brigade all took turns lighting the fuses of various Bob-Ombs and throwing them into Bow-Bow's shell. "Uh... Guys? What are you doing?"

"Like I said, we just wanted to see how tough your shell was… Like see if it could withstand a huge explosion from the inside… That kind of thing…" ( **I kind of want to see that too.** _Wonder what Tr**p's plan would do to it._ )

"Don't worry, King Bowser. I'm sure if you survive this, good things are bound to come our way." Come to think of it, where the hell did that giant King Bob-Omb come from? "Oh me? Well you see, I-"

*Super realistic and much wow explosion sound effects*

"How rude of you to explode while I'm in the middle of talking, my liege." Yeah, rude Bow-Bow is rude.

"Ooooogh… I hate all of you."

"As I was saying, I was in the middle of a game of Jen** with Lord Fawful." I'm sorry, what? ( _Whaaat? I want to play Jen** with Lord Fawful!_ ) "It's not worth it. He cheats while making terrible food metaphors." ( **The fiend!** ) "He wanted to make me his new lieutenant alongside Midbus, and wanted to seal the deal with a game of Jen**, but when he lost he threw a tantrum and accidentally set his mind control device to "do not obey" and it accidentally went off and hit me in the moustache." ...Excuse me, what? "Then I came to come rescue my fellow kinsmen, and then I saw Lord Bowser about to fall to his doom, then I proceeded crash into him and that is all she wrote." O...kay… So does that mean the authors have to come up with a new move involving the Bob-Omb King now? ( **...Damn it…** _Do we have to…?_ ) Thought so. This should be glorious!

"Maybe I could throw you into battle? Or maybe you could join the Dry Bones and help me blow the absolute stuffing out of Fawful." Bowser's actually thinking?! What?! ( _Whaaat?_ **Impressive! That almost makes me amazed. Almost.** ) "Never mind, you do all the work." The King took a look at the path ahead. "I just pissed them off at the best possible time." Factories and conveyor belts of live Bob-Ombs riddled the metallic support beams ahead, a fun time definitely ahead. "This should be absolutely fun for me!" The sarcasm is so real.

"Fear not, King Bowser. MOUSTACHE POWER ACTIVATE!" ...I'm done commenting on that moustache. It's too out there for me. Apparently 'moustache powers' entail the power of flight for a giant bomb the size of a nuke. "Huzzah!"

"Oh hey, this is actually a good move! You could pick me up, and drop me on the enemies! Then blow the absolute stuffing out of them!" Good idea, Bow-Bow. If only you wouldn't be caught in the blast radius. ( **Shh. Don't tell him.** _It's a secret to Bowser._ )

"Is my power of flight to your liking?" Yes, please, fly me to work every day.

"We just basically flew over all of those explosives, and saved your kin."

"Wob-bob!"

"Bob-wob!"

"Hisssssssss"

"Pop. Boom. Hisssss. Pop."

"They can't talk, huh?" Bow-Bow, I'm surprised any of you can talk. "Whatever! The castle's just up ahead anyways. We can make fun of them later!" Wait, isn't there lava everywhere in your castle? "Yeah, why?"

"Hissssssssss." And on cue, the Dry Bones have flashing eyes again.

And on cue, the chapter ends.

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: King Bob-Omb has officially joined the party...and he can fly… Yaaaaaayyyyyy...**

 _Chisaku: We're soooooo happy he caaaaaaan..._

 **Draco: Well, it does make it a little more convenient to continue the story along… I guess.**

 _Chisaku: Oh well. Let's just go grab something to eat. And then drinks in Paris._

 **Draco: Agreed. Glacius would be more than happy to keep the drinks cool.**

 _Chisaku: Tonight's going to be a very...chill night._


	35. BOB!

"Here it is…" Bow-Bow stared solemnly at his Castle for a moment, a face plastered over it that he wanted to Punch Out as if he were some tiny Boxer named after a sandwich. ( **It's too bad nobody likes Hoggie.** ) "So where did you say it was again?"

"In the Basement, Sir!" The Goomba replied, stomping his feet in rhythm. "By the way, since when did some of the lava dry out?"

"Wait, there used to be more lava here?" Isn't this your castle?

"Then maybe Fawful did it? I wouldn't be surprised, but…" Goobs looked over the edge of a once deep lava pit, only to see the receding lava further down than it should've been. "What would he use that much lava for?" Maybe that's how he makes his Fawful Bots? Using Bowser's lava?

"Bah, whatever." Bowser looked over the ledge too, craning his neck over to look down. "WHOA!"

"Hissssss, ssssssorry my liege, there'sssss ssssuch little sssssspace here, you ssssssee…" Are you kidding me? You extended your bony arm to push Bowser into the lava! "Ssssssoundsssss like you have a liar on your ssssssside, my King. Ssssshhhhall we disssspose of him?" Please, I'm sure I could take a couple skeletons. You're all bone and no meat, you have no substance! ( _And he has puns on his side!_ **He also has a hidden knife, so I wouldn't trust him.** )

"Let's just get going already!" Bowser stomped onwards, listening to the chatter of his minions behind him. WIth the exception of the occasional mishap of a Bob-Omb getting too close to the lava, the army marched their way to the castle again, marking their visit to the books. "...Wow, what happened here?"

"You did, Sir." How does he march with those tiny feet? Never understood that. "My feet aren't tiny, they're just disproportionate!" Riiiiight…

"Oh yeah, that did happen, huh?" Bowser blanked for a moment. "To the basement we go." Entering the hall before the theater, the king placed his eyes on a nightmare. "NO! I AM NOT GOING TO SLAM DOWN ON THAT BUTTON AGAIN!" Why did you even put it into your castle in the first place? "I DIDN'T, THAT GREEN THING DID!" Well then… ( _Just DO IT!_ ) Of course, the authors aren't going to make everyone deal with this, right? ( _No, I think I want to see Bowser suffer for all the times he threatened me._ ) "I'm going to turn you into my personal rug with your skin." ( _Like how my skull will be a mug, and the rest of my skeleton will be your throne? Awesome._ **Chisaku! He's the protag here! Save for after we finish this damn story… And make sure to give me his shell once you're done.** ) "My shell?! My SHELL?!" ( _ **Yes.**_ )

"Whatever!"

"Hey, Bowser! Would be awesome if you would just get this over with so we can get what we need!" Starlow shouted from Bow-Bow's body. "Please?"

"Fine…" Bowser stomped onto the large pink and inconspicuously stupid button.

"Please keep the flipping to a minimum! We get dizzy too!" AirRider 1 called… The short one.

"Goodness, it makes us all loopy!" AirRider 2 added… The Siscon.

"FINE!" Bowser retracted into his shell, black flipping onto the switch spikes first. "Half a flip, go-burgh…" Hold it, hold it, HOOOOOLLLD IIIIIIIT! "BLARGH!" Nope. Clean up in Bowser Plaza… What did you eat?! Only Chicken Wings?! "Y-yeah, what about it?"

"That'sssss how he sssssstaysssss beefy." Wouldn't he need beef for that?

"Wh-whatever…" The large creature lurched back onto his feet, holding onto the little remnants of his lunch. "Let's go…" And now the authors are cutting this whole section… RIght?

Bow-Bow now found himself staring at the most hideous statue he'd ever done seen… How far did we skip exactly? (Yes.) Should have seen that one coming.

"Oh man, look at those teeth! And those stupid glasses!" The statue in question was, of course, a Fawful statue that the little green egotist had placed somewhere on the upper area of the castle, conveniently overlooking some trapdoor leading down. "That's not a trapdoor, genius!" I probably am one, compared to you. ( **Someone get the aloe vera for that sick BURN!** ) "NUKCKHU EGDJVHM V!" Hey, look. He's foaming at the mouth. "Gonna… Gonna… Gonna kill someone! These two fists! Straight up Fawful's (Redacted)!" ( **Isn't that the place Peach came out of?** ) "HNNNNNNGGGHHH!" Where the hell are his minions, by the way? Ah, who cares?

* * *

"Something tells me we're needed in the leg area." Neptune… You know what, it's Neptune. Don't question it. "I like this one."

"What makes you say-" Don't question it. "...Yeah, good point." Good.

"You guys might want to get on that soon, 'cuz it looks like we're being pushed back." How can you tell if you're floating, Starlow? "Because of the way Bow-Bow's straining his muscles and the way they're firing off makes it seem like he's struggling." Well… I guess I can't argue with that. "You'd think Bow-Bow would be unstoppable when he's angry. Just who's pushing him back anyway?"

"Hohoho! My king, I didn't know you were into competitive statue pushing as well! We are like two peas in a pod. But worry not, my moustache will give it everything I've got to put up a good challenge!"

"Aw yeah, dog! Banzai Bill coming atcha with the force of a rainstorm!"

"Hi. I'm Bob." ( _ **BOB!**_ )

"...I regret ever asking." I regret agreeing to this. "Those guys aren't even under mind control! Why are they even… Oh, forget it! We need to get to the leg area now!"

"But there's no time!" Don't be so pessimistic, WolfRider- "AirRider… Although WolfRider does sound kind of cool." Whatever. Don't be such a downer. "But it feels like Bowser's about to fall over at any minute! I don't think we can make it in time!" ...Well then… Time has run out…

"Plot convenience, Go!" Wait wha- "Nepu Worldo!" O...kay… What just happened? "I stopped time." ...Neptune magic is a fearsome thing indeed.

"Wait, what? How did you stop time?!" The Siscon asks.

"I did some breathing exercises, then I used my stand power." How do you even have a… No… I know better than to ask… It's Neptune, after all.

"Well then… Let's go to the leg, then…" And just as Starlow said it, they were in the leg area. Fantastic. "Well that was fast."

"Now we just gotta beat on those muscles to really get 'em moving!" Good observation, but how will you do that? Neither of you are very heavy, and your sword hasn't turned into anything convenient.

"Come to me! Steam Roller Army!" ( **Don't forget to pose as flamboyantly as possible.** _Go go Steamroller Ar-my!_ ) "Way ahead of you. Jr., come and pose with me!"

"But… That sounds kind of-"

"I'll give you head pats."

"Purple Platinum!"

"That's the spirit!"

That took so little effort that it was ridiculous.

"Whoa! Really feeling the burn right now!" Cue Bowser getting the good ol' convenient power-up-out-of-nowhere. With the strength of a thousand koopas he pushed back the King Bob-Omb, the Banzai Bill, and even the dreaded… Hey, where'd Bob go? ( _ **BOB!**_ ) "ROOOOAAAAGGGGHHH!" The hell kind of battle cry was that? Well, whatever… Bow-Bow won and the ugly statue fell and broke the trapdoor thingie, taking the King Bob-Omb with it and-

Banzai Bill has joined the party!

Well that came way the hell out of nowhere.

"Good to be here, King Bowdacious!"

"Pffft… I gotta write that one down." Dragonrider mini said.

"Right… Good to-AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH!"

"Whoopssssssiessss, my hand sssssslipped." Good old, Dry Bones. You can always depend on them. Just pushed Bow-Bow right off the edge.

"IIIIIII WIIIILLL GEEEET YOOOOOUUUUU!" No you won't. No you absolutely won't. "GRARGH!" Yikes, that's a huge crater. "Ugh…" Welcome to the basement, the vault you're looking for is right ahead. "Ok… OUCH!" Bowser got up again, his looming presence added onto the atmosphere of the dark hole. "Time to open this suck… Why is there a railroad IN MY SECRET VAULT ROOM?!"

Conveniently timed came the train for said railroad. Conveniently timed came the conductor of the train, off it he jumped. And there was the Monty Moles he helped a couple chapters ago. "Yo! Bowser, what's good, dawg?"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Phew… Finally some peace and quiet…_

 **Draco: So apparently Neptune also stole a Stand from that room...**

 _Chisaku: Oh geez, I knew we were missing something else..._

 **Draco: Well… All of dragons seem very fond of her, so I get the feeling a lot more is going to wind up missing at some point or another.**

 _Chisaku: I just hope she doesn't steal my NEXT GEN key item. That'd be a disaster if she got her hands on that._

 **Draco: Then don't keep it in that room.**

 _Chisaku: Time to go grab it then!_


	36. I'm on a train

"Yo, Bowser, what's up, dawg?" Oh, it's the Mole-ester brothers. "Hey, we got a Sista' on board too, yo."

"How rude to forget about me." What seems to be a feminine Monty Mole scoffed. Not my problem you don't look that far apart. "Hmph!"

"..." Bowser stared at it. Smelt the sulfur and the horrid smells that came from the moles and their train. He could almost taste it, but instead, it was blood. "WHY IS THERE A TRAIN RUNNING INTO MY! SECRET! VAULT?!" Even I have to wonder, why in the name of all things holy ( _or dark_ ) is there a railroad running through what equates to a secret vault?

"Yo, Bowser, calm down, dawg. We got them orders, tho, you know what I'm sayin'?" Not this guy again… "You gots a problemos?" Is he trying to sound like a dunce?

"GET OUT OF MY VAULT!" Bowser stepped in front of the train, possibly his worst idea in this entire ordeal. ( _Actually, I'm going to bet he makes an even worse one._ ) Of course, his first thought is that it's just a train.

"FULL STEAM AHEAD, BOYS! And our sister, too. WE GOT A PLACE TO BE, ASAP!" The mole in the first car shouted, the train beginning to move.

"HRRRRRAAAGHHH!" Bow-Bow pushed back against the incoming train, using the ground under him as his weights. The rail tracks began to move, or not. That's just Bowser not being able to push back a train. I mean… Yeah, this is a totally futile effort.

* * *

"Can get to his arms in time?" Nepgear asked Starlow, running as fast as she could. "Ah, my legs…"

"Hold tight, Jr.! We have to help Bow-Bow! It's on us for his DETERMINATION!" Did… Did the authors do something to this Neptune? She seems… A LOT more optimistic for her usual self. ( _Draco? Did she get to that Determination you left in the room?_ **Bitch, this is Neptune! What the hell does ANYONE know about what she's really like?!** ) Fair point...

"I don't know if we can. But we can still try!" Starlow hovered at a speed faster than she thought she could ever move. "Come on! We can make it!"

"My legs hurt!"

"Mine do too, but you don't hear me complaining!" Neptune shouted, reaching for some pudding in her pocket. ( **That explains everything.** _Unsurprising._ )

"You're going to eat pudding now?!"

"Now's a good a time as any!" The CPU Purple tossed a container of pudding over to Nepgear. "Now EAT AND RUN!"

"Oh, whatever at this point!" Nepgear tore into the container, popping some jiggling pudding down into her mouth. Wow, actually, that makes them faster. I knew that worked for Neptune, but not for Nepgear. "Sis, what did you do to these puddings?"

"I bought them for 50 coins, they were on sale and labeled 'Speed Pudding' no idea why, but it works!" ( _Indeed._ ) Speed pudding? Well... that explains why there's a picture of a shoe and blurring effects of it. "They're delicious!" Why don't you just stop time? "Do you not understand how this story works? I already used that one so it kind of just faded away right after." Well then…

"I think we're almost at the arm, sis!" This is true. ( _Is it true that it's true of being false of being false of being true? What?_ )

"Aw yeah! Get your electricky stuff ready, sister, cause it's time to buff up and-"

*Loud Squishing sound effects*

"Whoa!" The trio came to a halt as an odd sound boomed throughout Bow-Bow's body. "That was a really loud squishing sound."

"Which means… We didn't make it in time…" Nepgear points out, although uh…

"Okay… So if he got squished, then how are we still fine?" Yeah… What Starlow said.

"This has happened how many times and you're only just now asking?" Neptune spoke as she bit into another spoonful of pudding. What she did not notice however, was that it was one of Nepgear's spoonfuls, causing the candidate to blush a bit. "Who cares how we're fine? Maybe Bow-Bow's shell is just that hard."

Speaking of which, shouldn't you guys be… I dunno, doing the titanification thing?

"Doesn't he have to bite his hand first?"

"Wrong series, sis." Nepgear pointed out, still blushing from the indirect kiss.

"Ooh… I say we skip that this time." Wait, what?

"Wait, what?" ( _Wait, what?_ )

"Wait, what?" ( **Wait… Where's my phone?** )

"Yeah, let's skip it." ( **Here it is.** ) "I don't wanna have to go all the way down to there from all the way up here. That sounds like a pain in the butt."

"But if we don't then how…" Nepgear was then interrupted by Neptune before finishing her sentence.

"We're already in the arm. Now we just make him bite it."

"Again, that's the wrong-"

"Oh, but you forget, Jr., the power of Neptune magic is a wonderful thing." ( **I believe this calls for a bunch of ellipses.** )

"..." ( _..._ )

"..." …

"Wow, you're good!" ( **I know.** ) "Now, let's do it!"

"...Might as well give a try…"

* * *

"HRRGRRAAAAHHH!"

"Uh… Is it just me, or are we flying, dude?"

"Dawg, I ain't got no idea whatchu be on, but get offa' it." The Monty Mole laughed, his eyes closed. There ain't no way he's gonna survi...ve...tha...t…"

"Yeah…" Two large Bowser eyes stared back at the Monty Moles, a burst of flame greeting them. "Full steam backwards."

"Roger."

"Now."

"Preferably now."

"Definitely now."

"We are going to be dead like now."

"Or yesterday."

"Preferably not at all."

"GO!" The train sped down the tracks, chased by the ever glorious Giant Bowser. Bursts of fire riddled their path, forcing them to stop from overheating periodically.

"Bowser, listen up."

"What, Chippy?"

"You can't hit them with your punches, you can't reach far down, right?"

"I hate that you're right, Chippy."

"Burn that thing down!" A certain air-cruising girl shouted.

"Get it!" The Siscon shouted. No glares!

"HRRRAAAAGH!" How they aren't dying in there, I'm amazed.

"Let out excess load! It'll burn if we don't!"

"Idiot! Don't throw out the mushroom!"

"Maybe he'll stomp on it if we send the bomb brigade out with the Goombas!"

"Good idea! Do it!"

"We have to stall him! We can make it to the bridge and it'll collapse under his weight!"

"MOLES! ROGER THAT!"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: I like trains._

 **Draco: I kind of… stopped liking them as much after Baccano. I mean, they're fun to use for certain purposes, but… Too cramped for my liking.**

 _Chisaku: I've always used them, so I got used to it._

 **Draco: ...Do we even need more lines than this… Nope, I'm done here.**

 _Chisaku: Bye._


	37. Koufuku NIS

"So uh…"

"We can hide behind those mountains! Now shut up, and hold my ramen!" ( **Chisaku, isn't that your ramen?** _My ramen! Bow-Bow! Kill him for me!_ ) Well, one guy's frantic. "Go! Gogogogogogogogogogogogogooooooo!" A sudden 'thud' crushed not only the ground but the hopes and dreams of the moles. "...oh no."

"We've done it now, haven't we?"

"Nice knowing you, pal."

"GRAAAAAAAAGH!" With the flames of a thousand suns and a little bit of indigestion, and a malice full of revenge for the sake of Chisaku's ramen, Bowser unleashed a torrent of fire and death and even more indigestion upon the train.

"OW! HOT! HOT!"

"YOU'RE OVERCOOKING THE RAMEEEEEEENNN!" Does this guy only care about his ramen? At a time when he's being barbequed like a delicious pork? ( **You're drooling.** ) I know.

"Something smells good." Bowser caught a whiff.

"We're...we're alive?" The Monty Mole let a sigh of relief, as if he had just finished a buffet. "We were ALMOST a buffet!"

"Huh. Oh well." Bow-Bow pulled the spiked cuffs around his arms down, using them to protect his hands as he grabbed and broke off the spiked defense hill beside him. "Time for skewers!" Mm, Monty Mole Kebabs… Maybe we could try Montilari, or Creme Mole? ( _Oh god, now you're making me hungry. Is my ramen ok?_ **I'm pretty sure most of that smoke is coming from your ramen.** _NOOOOO! MY RAMEN!_ ) The spikes on the...metal stake(?) lanced through the smoked train, a nice and steamy atmosphere wafting out like a beautifully cooked steak. Mmm, steak… "Huh, I'm using a stake for what could be a robot's steak."

"Ow! OW!" Ooh, clean cuts on the arms. Maybe we can roast those later, or I can make a nice stew.

"Guh… We still have more in us! Now! When he's not paying attention!" The train slipped past the gigantic Koopa King, chugging along into the next hill. "SUPER MECHA GRASS HILL ROBOT G**DAM RIP OFF! GO!" Up stood the hill, arms sprouting out.

"Huh, looks like you guys like veggies raw." Bowser smiled, his stomach growling like a bear before hibernation. (Hi-bear-nation? De-Temmie-Nation?) "Personally, I prefer them grilled!" Yikes, the indigestion is back for another round. Turn up the heat, Bowser! Get them outta my kitchen! (Can we have that chef guy who has all the Yuu's fired? Draco's cue… Wait, I don't have anything clever to say. Sh**! Isn't sh** why that dude shouts that he'd fire the other chefs?)

"Yikes, the train's overheating in here!"

"He's microwaving us!"

"He's giant! How could he be micro and waving at us?!" ...ok. "Look! Those are Lord Fawful's rain clouds, right?! We can get them to help us!" Don't his need spices to be created? So in a sense, you're sauteing your own robot. "Shut up with the food jokes!" Not until I can chill with my food while watching some movies.

"Oh, hey, maybe some water might be able to cool you down."

"Wait, Bow-Bow!" A sudden voice came from within the giant's belly.

"What do you want, uh… Cloudwalker?"

"We've already won this fight." The stomach dweller declared… Wait how? The train is still kind of intact and whatnot. "I know a guy. A guy with a very peculiar set of skills. Skills that make him a nightmare for people on trains. He will find them. And he will kill them."

"Goodness!" The younger Cloudwalker shuddered a bit. "That's so morbid coming from you, sis."

"Well, he does like to make a mess sometimes."

"WHOA! WHO'S THIS BREWSKY?" A sudden and startled voice from inside the train called out. "Who are you and what do you- HOLY OW!" Holy ow? "Gbleh!"

"NOOOOOO! MY NARDS!" What the hell is going on in that train?!

"It's the Rail Tracer, I tells ya!" Cloudwalker explai- Wait… He exists?!

"AAAAAARGH! NOOOOOO! DON'T SPILL THE RAMEN!" ( _MY RAAAAAMEEEEEN!_ **Geez, dude, calm down. I'll buy ya another one.** _Okay._ ) Well that was fast. "YOU'RE EVIL! EVIIIIIIILLLLL! Grrr… Hableh!"

"..."

"..."

"...They dead yet?" Cloudwalker! "What?" Too soo-

"All in a day's work." What the hell? Who is that? "The big palookas have been taken care of, as you asked." It's the Rail Tracer! "I'll be going now."

"Cool." And with that, the older purplehead hung up the phone she was apparently using.

"So… I didn't even need to become a giant then, did I?"

"No, not really."

"Then why-"

"I thought it'd be cool."

"...She's right, it is kind of cool." Starlow's right. It is kind of cool.

"Sis and Starlow have a point. It is really cool."

"Whatever! Let's see what's left of 'em." The burly turtle dragon thing… I bet you would make a delicious soup. "Shut it!" Right. The big turtle dragon dude… I wonder what the meat would taste like… My mouth is watering just thinking about it… "Narrate, Damn It!" Right, right! So, the koopa king grabbed the roof of the train and tore it off with his… Meaty… Undoubtedly delicious arms.

"Nah, his arms are so burly, they'd be way too tough to chew on. Now the belly? That part's soft and it's got plenty of juicy fat to it. That's the part you really want to go for." I did not think of that. Thank you for enlightening me, Ms. Cloudwalker. "Anytime."

"Stop talking about eating me, you freaks!" Maybe we could even rework the shell into a nice little bowl. I'm in need of some new china dishes. "I swear, I will… The heck is this?" Now that the train's roof was missing, Bowser peered into the train to find… A single bottle of wine…?

"Wine from Vino… Eh. Eh. See what I did there?"

"I saw it, sis." Get a room you two. "Wha- I jus- I don't-"

"So… That's it?" Bowser stared blankly for a moment. "Huh. Well, time to go…" His stomach growled again, body shrinking back to its normal size. "Oh. Um…" And down went a falling Bow-Bow, flailing his arms uselessly.

"Should've eaten something, like pudding." CloudWalker added on their way down, gravity seeming to defy itself.

"SIS! WE'RE FALLING AND YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT THAT NOW?!"

"Yes, it's not all that bad, Bowser will land softly."

"HOW ARE YOU SO SURE?!"

Oh hey, what a conveniently placed pile of pillows. "Huh. There's a junkyard here?"

"...wow, Sis."

"Neptune magic!" And happily did she eat her pudding.

"So...now what?" Bowser stared at the train tracks. "Do I have to WALK back to my secret vault?" Yes. ( _ **Yes.**_ ) "Oh, come on!" Authors? ( _Fast forward time._ )

* * *

"Welcome back, Bowser!" Oh hey, Private Goomba guy-dude-thing is here. "Don't call me a thing!" I wonder if he tastes like mushrooms? Ohh… "Keep this guy away from me."

"So… Right, there's the vault I needed." Bowser stepped over his mounds of gold and coins, leaning against his vault.

"Um… Mind sucking up some of that gold? We're strapped for funds." CloudWalker shouted up.

"Shush, I need to think about my combination!" Bow-Bow fiddled with the lock. "Um… 12, 28, 9, 10…?"

"You don't remember?"

"Chippy, quiet." His fingers twisted and turned. "14? 39?"

"We could check your brain, if you'd like." The younger CloudWalker added.

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

"Um...we're not saying anything, though." HIs minions clamored quietly amongst themselves. "Ok, well, I wasn't until now."

"Ugh… I don't remember."

"Thought so, Bowser." Starlow sighed.

"Find the combination." Bowser demanded.

"What was that?"

"Combination. Find it."

"Didn't catch it over your rudeness."

"...please?"

"Girls, let's get moving."

"YEAH!"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: Ramen, ramen~_

 **Draco: Good stuff, yo. Aki seems to like it as well… Although it'd be nice if Trigoras could mind his table manners… Though I guess that's impossible for a three-headed dragon.**

 _Chisaku: Well, at least we don't have to deal with an overrun place with all of the dragons… Or else that would be something...uh… Interesting, to say the least._

 **Draco: The only people who would come here despite all the dragons would be dragon hunters… Course if they hurt any of mine, I'd have to kill them.**

 _Chisaku: I'd help you out there. Nobody hurts Fluffy._

 **Draco: Except maybe Aki… And Akriloth… And Dagron… Wow, my dragons really like sparring with each other… I am so proud!**

 **(qwq)b**


	38. Character Development?

"Whoa, it's all empty in here…"

"What was that?!"

"It's um...really big! Not um…" Neptune quickly justified herself. "It's not like we're calling you stupid or anything."

"You'd better be joking with me." Suddenly, a cloud image of a torture chamber appeared before the girls. "I have some special ways to deal with people who call me stupid."

"Whoa, that's a cool room! I like the lava details, and the stone looks awesome, what texture is that?" As always, Fearless Neptune. "Anyway! We're looking for the combination! Let's go!" Ah, yes, searching the large space that was Bowser's brain. Here they found it to be much more high tech than anything that they could reproduce in their own rights.

"Ooh, I'd like to reverse engineer this computer. Maybe I could find some parts I could use!" Nepgear slowly inched closer to the screen. "I could use more RAM for some things…" ( _What would Ram be doing in this story?_ **Not that Ram, RAM.** _You mean the animal?_ **Where's Aki?** _I don't know._ ) "Err…"

"What happened, Jr.?" Neptune drew her attention from the endless space to the roof back down to Nepgear. "Whoa, what is that thing? It looks like a Bak***n with a face." The weird floating thing with lines running over it imitating a toy that reacted to metallic surfaces teleported over to Nepgear, scanning her.

"What are you doing?! Pervert!" It left Nepgear, scanning Neptune now.

"Of course, it's trying to figure out our Goddess glory and see that we're just here for the combination!"

"..." The thing teleported back to the screen, a moment of silence passed. "INTRUDERS! INTRUDERS! VIRUS DETECTED! VIRUS DETECTED! SECURITY SYSTEM ONLINE! ONLINE!" The blob broke down into two piles of grey matter, soon building back up to two distinct figures.

"EXTERMINATE!" The first figure spoke, a blocky 8-bit form of a short purplette with a Katana in hand.

"EXTERMINATE!" The second figure turned to the two, a blocky 8-bit form of a tall siscon purplette with a Beam Sword in hand.

"EXTERMINATE!"

"EXTERMINATE!"

"EXTERMINATE!"

"EXTERMINATE!"

"I don't get it, but fight time, Jr.! Let's Nep them black and blue!" Neptune drew her sword, a large black greatsword, a blue aura surrounding it. The hilt extended further than Neptune could hold, one side of the handguard broken. "Sword born from the soul of the great pudding, Fenrir Fis, guardian of the pudding of the Voidwalker Paladin Artor**s."

"Um… Why would pudding need to be guarded if a Paladin, a Voidwalking Paladin no less, owns it?" Starlow asked, a straight face on. "What even is a voidwalking paladin?

"Starlow, how long have you been with us?"

"A few weeks now, Nepgear. Why?"

"And you haven't learned to just not question Sis at this point?"

"...touche."

"Tooshie?" Neptune asked, holding the greatsword before her. "Come on, Jr. I can't take on both of us without one of us!"

"Coming, Sis!" And thus, the most awkward 8-bit battle began between actual 8-bit characters and characters imitating 8-bit movements to be fair. Of course, this led to disaster within seconds when they couldn't sidestep the most basic sword swings. "Sis, can we not fight like us?"

"Aww, but it was fun to do that…"

"Goodness!" Nepgear dropped to the floor. "WHY ARE THEY ABLE TO TRANSFORM?!"

"FOR THE GLORY OF PLANEPTUNE!" Neptune rushed forward, front-kicking her 8-bit Goddess form before slashing vertically downwards. "HIYAH!"

"Whoa!" Nepgear ducked under a beam of charged energy. "Why am I attacking myself?!"` This is going to get really confusing really quickly, isn't it? ( **And the previous chapters aren't?** ) Touche. "Hyah!" Back on the combat side of things, the candidate retaliated by slashing her sword at her 8-bit doppelganger, which was dodged rather easily. "Oh come on!"

"OW!" As for the purple CPU, she just took a wicked headbutt to the solar-plexus. Although it looked like her 8-bit assailant was about to follow with with some kind of 8-bit sword and-

 **CRACK!**

… 0w0

"Huh… I think my arm's broken…" Neptune… Your arm IS broken! "Huh… OW, MY ARM'S BROKEN!"

"SIS! ARE YOU OKAY!" Her siscon instincts taking over, Nepgear tried rushing to her sister's side, but was being Nep-blocked by her 8-bit attacker. "Sis, I'll be right there! Just hold on a little longer!"

That was easier said than done, since the 8-bit clones were still quite eager to stop them and… Actually, with the way Neptune's arm is dangling at her side… And the way she's holding up that sword… Put some Wolf Knight on her and she'd be the spitting image of-

"Okay, that's it!" As if being possessed by the void itself, the purple CPU leaped into the air, spinning forward before-

 **SLAM!**

Oh my gosh! ...What an impressive sound effect… Oh yeah, and she sliced her doppelganger in...half… Nice! ( **A certain Wolf Knight would be proud of that performance.** )

"Huh… Didn't think anyone could swing a sword like that with just one arm." Starlow voiced her bewildabeast. ( **You mean bewilderment?** ) That's a thing?

"My sister can do anything she sets her mind to." Nepgear pronounced with a smile. A smile that practically oozed siscon. "How long is that going to be a joke?" How long do Goddesses live? "Oh come on!"

"Jr.! Thou musn't give in to their foolishness." What the hell? Is Neptune actually turning into Ar- "Silence! I have a sister that needs my assistance." R-right…

"Sis, what are you- GWOH!" Ah yes, the old "attack them in the middle of their dialogue tactic". Well played 8-bit Nepgear, well played. "Ow…"

"I'm on my way!" And by "on my way" Neptune obviously meant: "Just stay there for a minute and I'll deal with it," at least in Nepgear's head… Her siscon tendencies were starting to get the better of her.

"Urgh…" Oh? What's this? She looks like she's- "Yes! I love my sister! Is there a problem with that?!" Whoa! Uh… No… "Good."

"What kind of love?" Neptune as-

 **CRASH!**

She did it again! The front-flip sword slam technique! But more importantly, Nepgear has now been thrown under the bus.

"W-wha?"

"What kind of love?" Neptune repeated the question. Wait, don't tell me this is going to turn into a romance at some point. ( **Even we don't know what's going on anymore.** _I am sooooo lost._ ) "Like… Sisterly or…"

"S-sis… I don't think we have time for an incestuously romantic subplot…"

"Good point. Let's go look for that code." You brought this upon yourself, Nepgear.

"I know…"

"Oh and… Can somebody please help with my arm? It is quite uncomfortable to walk around with it in this condition." Nope. "Excuse me?" It's broken. That's kind of hard to heal. "Dost thou mean to say that I must spend the duration of this story with a crippled appendage?" Essentially, yes. "...WHAT?"

"Um, it's fine, sis. I'll take care of anything that needs two hands… Um…" Well now this is just awkward.

"Code! Have you found it?" Oh yeah, Bow-Bow exists.

"Don't get your skirt in a bunch. We were just getting to that." Can someone take that sword away from Neptune already? This is getting weird. And stop looking so melancholy about the broken arm thing. "I have been betrayed by those I had thought of as allies." Um...

"I would, but… It looks really heavy." How can you call yourself a Nep if weight is what stops you? "I'm not as strong as my sister, okay?"

"Can we get a move on already?" Starlow asked, reminding everyone she existed.

"Right…"

"Oh… Sis, it's okay." Leave it to the siscon to try and cheer up her sister. "I mean, just because you only have one arm you can use doesn't change the fact that you're the best main character ever." Now, she's looking a bit less gloomy. The purple CPU looked up at her little sister. "Even with just one arm, you one-shotted those clones no problem. A-and… You're still the best big sis I could ask for." Oh the feels!

"...Thank you, Jr… I needed that." The way she's talking is still weird. "I will crush you if you continue to ruin the moment." Okay, got it. "Jr."

"Yes?"

"Carry me!"

"...O-o-okay!"

And thus the story continues…

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: How long ago was it that that one reviewer was wondering if Nepgear would ever ask Neptune out?**

 _Chisaku: Um… Like two months ago?_

 **Draco: Huh… About as long as I need to wait before I'm old enough to drink alcohol… Interesting.**

 _Chisaku: Whereas over here, I have about a week before I turn old enough to call myself a semi-adult._

 **Draco: I see… Well, Neptune is Arto***s confirmed. Arm is broken now. This should be fun.**

 _Chisaku: Yes, it should. TIme for some fun character development!_

 **Draco: Wait, that's actually a thing in this story? Well… I'll be damned.**


	39. Cures give Diseases

"So how long is my arm going to stay like this?" What, your protagonistic regen powers haven't reset it yet? "No, not yet." Odd. Where are the authors? ( _Yes._ ) Oh, there you are, I'm assuming the other's around? ( _Maybe._ ) Oh.

"Um, Sis, where do you think the code is?"

"I don't know, see if it's up-"

"...CODE SEARCHING." Whoa, that thing's still alive. Well, if we killed it, that would've killed Bow...ser... Not a good idea right now though. "FOUND 4 CODES."

"Oh. Well that's completely convenient." Neptune rummaged through her pocket with her good hand. "Wait, did I just run out of pudding?" Apocalypse?

"Here, I have some in my pocket." Nepgear pulled out some pudding. "I think it's waiting for us to say something."

"Ok… Cheat Code to the end of the story!"

"ONE CODE FOUND. EXECUTE?" ( _ **You thought.**_ ) "CODE DELETED. 3 CODES FOUND." Why would Bowser know a cheat code to end his story…?

"Vault code." Nepgear recited, feeding her sister some pudding.

"ERROR. FRAGMENTED MEMORY. MUST REBUILD." The blob pulled out a picture frame, a destroyed set of numbers jumbled all over the place.

"Must you make everything so hard for us?" ( _ **It's not like we skip most of these things for a reason or anything.**_ ) "Oh, so you're laziness makes more work for us." Geez Nepgear, that's brutal. ( **She's right though.** )

"Can we just get to doing this?" Neptune looked at the framework. "This can be easy with some Neptune magic!" Of course, off went the CPUs to begin this ardu- "Done. That was easy."

"You got it? Good, now tell me it!"

"MEMORY RESTORED. RESETTING MEMORY." Wait, aren't memories impulses and not actual stored memory? ( _Does ANYTHING in this story ever follow actual science?_ ) Touche.

"Oh yeah, the password! I remember it now!" Oh good, so we don't get to- "Good job, lackeys in my brain!"

"Boss, who are you talking to?"

"The little people in my brain." That doesn't make you sound crazy or anything. Could you just put in the password already? "I was getting to that."

So finally Bow-Bow got off his rump and went to input the combination and-

"PeachIsBestWaifu." Excuse me… That's not a… That's a safe… How is he inputting a combination like that? "Got it!" Oh good, just ignore me while you grab the star cure out of the vault. "Way ahead of you." You suck. "Can you feel that? The second one is MINE!"

"Wait, King Bowser! There's something else inside!" Is it a poodle?

"Whats? Why is there a poodle in my vault?"

"1, 2, 3!" Excuse me?

"Bwah!" Did they just push their own king into the vault? "MIINIIIIIIOOOOONS! GET ME OUT OF HERE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"It wasn't us, it was the Dry Bones!"

"And we loved every second of it." You see, this is what happens when you leave your troops for dead and they come back as zombies. ( **I hate it when that happens…** ) I know, right, it's the worst.

"Heh heh. The age of Bowser is over! Now is the time for the age of Fawful!" Oh great, the troops are all brainwashed. "Come with us, Dry Bones brigade and together we can-"

"Nah."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Not interested."

"But you just-"

"We may not like Bow-Bow, but we don't like Fawful either."

"But we… Can you at least help us toss this thing out?"

"That we can do."

"This is MUTINY!" The mutineers didn't even listen. They simply grabbed the vault and proceeded to carry it away before throwing it out somewhere. "LEMME OUT YOU TRAI-HYB FJB CNJYGSXM CBDJ" I didn't know Bowser was part Turkey. "OW!"

"I dunno what just happened, but whoever did that is so going on my list of people to kick." Starlow has a list of people she wants to kick… And why not pun… Oh right, never mind.

"They betrayed me, Chippy!"

"I mean, to be fair, you did leave them for death."

"Not helping."

"Still, you have to consider that you could've offered some way of apology."

"...Chippy?"

"I'm still kicking them, but you do have to think carefully."

"Whatever… Just get me out of this box."

"What was that?"

"GET ME OUT OF THIS BOX!"

"I didn't hear you over that rudeness." Savagery? Geeze. Starlow, never thought you had it in you!

"...get me out, please?"

"Girls, we have a mission to go on."

"Let's go!"

"I'll Nep them black and blue!" But they don't have any veins to pop. "I'll Nep them to dust!" Better. "Especially with my new special move!" And a broken arm!

* * *

"Oh yeah, Bow-Bow!"

"What?"

"Mind eating the Star Cure? We need it."

"EAT IT?!"

"You ate us, and we're pretty big. That tiny thing will fit no problem!" Neptune shouted eccentrically.

"...if I get some weird disease I'm blaming you."

"It's a cure!"

Bow-Bow gulped the cure down, feeling it enter his system. "Heads up, it's coming down."

"There it is! It's all slimy though." Starlow pointed out.

"Ok, Nepgear, that's yours to carry." Neptune quickly called.

"Why me?!" Yes. ( _ **Yes.**_ )

"Yes."

"Et tu, Neptunus?!"

Nepgear wiped down the cure with the floor as much as she could before wrapping out old pudding wrappers around it and shoving it into her pocket. "When we get out, that's the first thing I'm washing."

"Atta girl, Jr.!"

"Can we just forget about this and get going? Where to now, Starlow?"

"There's not much we can do in Bowser's body. Let's check up on the Doctor back in Toad Town to see if he can tell us anything."

"Right." The purplette pointed to the pipe to Toad Town. "Let's go!" Neptune didn't waste any time jumping into the pipe, Starlow and Nepgear following shortly after. Where they'll end up nobody- "We're back in Toad Town." Never mind. "Hey, you think the doc can check out my arm while we're here?"

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask." Starlow says.

"But didn't it get afflicted with the "broken until end of story" affliction?" Way to be a downer, Nepgear. Please stop glaring.

"Curses!" And she would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for those meddling 8-bit clones. "I am so not giving back that sword I stole now." (What did you steal this time?) "Yes."

"Sis, you're getting really good at stealing from people." It's too bad Nepgear wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. It was a fun thing, that's for sure.

"Let's just go see Doctor Toadley already." You got it, Starlow!

"Aye, aye, Captain!"

"Of course."

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: What do you think she stole this time?**

 _Chisaku: Um… I noticed my multi-purpose watch was missing._

 **Draco: I think Fluffy ate that one.**

 _Chisaku: Oh. Dammit, I was going to use that to hack Drumpf._

 **Draco: Dude, he's a walking skeleton dragon. It shouldn't be too hard to get it out of him.**

 _Chisaku: Isn't there still some acidic chemicals within him? Let's hope it isn't destroyed._

 **Draco: If it's been destroyed, then blame yourself for not getting it acid-proofed.**


	40. Chapter of Melody

"Hm…" And of course the Doctor is looking over the crystal ball. Are we suuuure this dude is an actual doctor? "My PhD is on the wall." Oh, look at that.

"So can you fix my arm?" Lying on the stretcher beside the table, Neptune looked over at the Doctor who pulled his hat down ever so slightly to conceal his face in an attempt for the writer's laziness. ( _I am not sorry._ ) "Doc?"

"Erm… Well, it seems that there's nothing refraining the arm from healing. There's just the problem of I'm not sure if I can fix it. I run a clinic, I'm not master at this." Two chapters in and still no protagonist healing. Is this something to be worried about? Are the authors really going to bone Neptune over? ( _Hah, I see what you did there._ ) ...oh. Well then. "I can put it into a cast for now and just hope for the best. Nurse!"

"Wait, can I do it?" Nepgear chimed in quickly, taking the opportunity to go behind closed curtains with her Sister. Stop glaring, please. That's creepier than I make you out to be. "I've done something like this before. There was a game on this."

"Hm… Are you sure you can do this?"

"Positive!" The younger CPU's face beamed with the brightness of the sun. "C'mon, Sis!" She wheeled Neptune behind the curtains of a conveniently placed boxed in stall of sorts, and prepared to put the cast on. "Let me get this out of the way."

"And this is as far as the authors can show before the story becomes M rated, folks! Sorry! Now get out!" Neptune shouted.

"We're in a clinic, please refrain from shouting." The Doctor called from the other side of the curtains.

* * *

"Wow, you did a conveniently great job, Jr." Neptune rested her broken arm into the sling provided, the cast on firmly.

"Thank the power of video games!"

"Impressive. So? What other business do you have here?" The Doctor took a seat at the table again, overlooking the crystal ball.

"We were wondering where the third Star Cure was." Nepgear presented the two Star Cures, one still soaking wet that she hastily washed minutes ago.

"Allow me to see if I can find it." The crystal ball began to light up, the room seeming to disappear.

"Wait, the room didn't disappear last time. This is so cool, it should've happened last time!" Neptune interjected, staring at what seemed to be cosmos.

"I see a Beach. Somewhere high up above where nobody can get up alone." The Doctor's disproportionately large hand extended before the ball. "There is a creature, immovable he claims…" The room closed again, the clinic scene returning. "That is all I can see." He snatched the Star Cures. "I'll begin the recipe for the Cure with these for now, I await the third from you." The Doctor pulled the two Star Cures into his robe, before disappearing into the backroom where an odd green mist exited as he entered the room.

"Sis, ready? Let's get going." Nepgear offered her hand.

"But where is a Beach here? Have we passed by one?" Neptune searched through her memory banks. "Mm…"

"Didn't Bow-Bow pass one a long time ago? Remember, the Blooper Statue?" Starlow came out of Neptune's Hoodie. "I think I know the way, it's not too far from the giant tower G***am that Bowser fought."

"That's right! Let's get going!" Of course, the energetic CPU couldn't hold herself back and rushed out the door first.

"Sis, wait up!"

"Oh for the love of…" Starlow quickly followed behind, tailing the CPU Sisters.

"To the beach! And make it snappy, authors!" ( **By the power of us being too lazy to actually write them getting to the beach!** _Let it be!_ **I love The Be***es!** ) "Hey, dude, don't make it bad."

* * *

"Such plot convenience, much wow!" Lo and behold. After several minutes of searching, the two purple siblings arrived at an intersection. To one side was a little house, to the other was a rocky Stairway To Heaven. "I see what you did there."

"Is it okay for us to be referencing so many different songs in a single chapter?"

"It's fine, Jr." Neptune waved a hand nonchalantly. "If anyone has any complaints, then Another One's gonna Bite The Dust." ( **Someone's starting to sound like a real Killer Queen.** )

"Oh for the love of-"

"I think you mean In The Name Of Love, Starlow buddy." We are so going to get sued for this, aren't we? ( **Hiro**ko Ar** got away with it. I don't see why we can't.** ) "Anyway, the doc said we gotta go high, but… I want to see what's in the house!"

"Sis, I don't think it's okay to just barge into someone's home all of a sudden."

"Oh come, Jr., I'm the protagonist. I just want to see if they have any pots with money in em."

"W-wait up, sis!" Neptune did not wait, but Nepgear was able to catch up anyway. "Pardon the intrusion."

"What?!" Soon enough, the siblings were met face to face with- "What?!" ...An old looking Koopa standing in an empty house. "What?!" … "What?!" I didn't even say anything that time! "You're gonna have to speak up!"

"Ooh, he's got puzzles, Jr.!"

"Sis, we can't just take his stuff like that and-"

"Done!" Wait, she seriously already finished that puzzle? It was, like… A hundred pieces or something. How did she-

"What?!" Oh, come on! "Gasp! You… You solved it! The decades old- Zzzzzz…" And he fell aslee- "What?!" I hate this job. "Gasp! You… You solved it!" We're doing this again? "Now I can finally take revenge on King Bowser for leaving us all in that cage."

"...Well this just got dark." It did indeed, Neptune.

"It was terrible… I thought we'd be stuck there forever… So many of us passed away and came back as Dry Bones… I couldn't do anything for them, but now that this puzzle's finished, I can defeat King Bow-Bow." Wow… So this guy was one of the koopas trapped in that cage… Who would've thought this old man was- "What?!" ...I'm done here.

"Okay, let's get out of here before this guy starts losing his marbles, Jr."

"R-right." Without another word the two purple siblings left the senile old man like a blurr.

"Gasp! What is this Purple Haze in my house?" Why with all the musical references? ( _ **Yes.**_ )

"Next sage dude!" Wait, is Neptune about to make some sort of declaration here? "I dunno who you are, but when we find you, We Will Rock You!" You've gotta be- "Like a Hurricane!" Should have seen that one coming.

"Can we just get back to the task as hand?" Starlow asked, taking on her role as the voice of reason. "When we find him, you two can do whatever you two want, even if it happens to be Californication like back at the Doc's place." ...Even Starlow now?

"There's no stopping it. Please don't stop this music." I hope I can make it through the night without having to hear any of these lyrics. "Hey, you just made a reference!" Wait, what? "Yeah!" ...Can I quit this job already?

And so, after a slew of music jokes, puns, references, and all sorts of headache-inducing times that nearly drove this narrator off the edge, the trio finally came to their destination. A giant Stairway to freaking Heaven. Go freaking figure. "Yikes, someone's grouchy. Here, have some pudding." Neptune offered the narrator pudding. Wait, why am I narrating something so obvious? ( _ **Yes.**_ ) I have gone so far off that...you know, I'm not going to finish that. "The pudding or the sentence?" Both.

"Wow, we're so high up. Ooh! I can see the constellations!" Nepgear stared in awe. "There's a robot constellation? I never knew that!" Is there? "Can't you see it? It's right over there!" Oh, the giant tower that Bowser busted down, right…

"What a noisy bunch." What a weird Octopus or Squid figure thing. Why is it posed like it's praying? "I am a guy thank you very much. Please don't refer to me like some thing." Oh, ok Squid thingy. "Someone's a bit aggravated from the music references. Shall I take your cup and pour some liquor into it?" SHUT UP! "Woo, he's really heated."

"Oh hey, I know this voice."

"Why yes, yes you do." The figure still hadn't moved a muscle. "That's because I can't move. I have no motivation to." (Sounds like me when it's Summer. I melt in the heat.) "Try as you might you can't move me."

"Ok, but do you know where the Star Cure is?"

"Yes, I have it."

"Can we have it?"

"No, you cannot."

"Why?" Neptune hunched over.

"Because I have no motivation to take it out." The figure sighed. "I'll cut you a deal, this pose is uncomfortable but I can't move. So if you can make me comfortable, I'll give you this Star Cure."

"Deal! Jr, get the bulldozer, we're going to move this thing!"

"Right, Sis!"

"Where are you getting a bulldozer from?!"

"Uh...good question." Neptune looked over at Nepgear.

"I thought you held onto it, Sis."

"..."

"..."

"I sense a silence."

"..." ( _ **...**_ ) …

"There we go." The figure sighed again. "Like I said, no comfort, no Star Cure."

"Fine, I'll do this myself!" Neptune drew... Of course it's a guitar sword… Of course. "Actually it's called Nev**" Whatever! "Taste these sick beats!" I don't think you can eat music. "You know what I mean!"

"Let's get him, Sis!" The two Sisters attacked valiantly and ferociously at the figure, hacking, slashing, playing the Guitar weapon, kicking, punching, sweeping, and anything else they could to try to push the figure down.

"Sigh…" Needless to say nothing worked. "No comfort, no Star Cure."

"What are you made of?!" ( **How are you playing a guitar with one arm?** ) "Touche!" Neptune shouted loudly, flailing on the ground. "This is no fair! The authors created an unkillable monster!" ( _Believe it or not it's not ours._ )

"Here, let me help you out." He spit out a map. "Legend has it there's something there that will move me. Probably. Maybe. Possibly not. But try it anyways. Goodbye." And his eyes closed. Geez, I heard sleeping while standing up is hard, but this guy is just messed up that he does it so naturally.

"You heard him, girls. We have a thing to track down!" Starlow shouted, hovering over the map that wasn't wet or sticky.

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: Spot all of the musical references and win a fabulous prize… Self-satisfaction.**

 _Chisaku: We kinda shoved a bunch of them in here. You'd get my approval which is worth more than anything, right?_

 **Draco: Yeah, let's go with that… Well, I think I'll have myself a nap now… Zzzzz...**

 _Chisaku: You heard him. Well, still do hear him. See you next time!_


	41. Death's Call

"Starlow, how are we going to go from here to halfway across the world?" Neptune stared at the map.

"You're looking at it upside down, Neptune." Starlow said, hovering over the map. "Come over here."

"Oh, that's better. Isn't that just to the north of here?"

"Yeah, wasn't Bowser just here at the beginning of this series?" Nepgear took a bat to the fourth wall. Please, no more! We're almost done for! ( **At this point they're making good headway towards the fourth wall OF the fourth wall.** )

"Are you guys going to go now? I'm bored and need my silence." The octopus creature thingy that was standing for no reason spoke. "I'd love for you guys to actually call me something and stick to that one thing."

"Whatever, let's get moving!" Neptune leapt off of the platform for the ground below.

"Um… This is a huge fall."

"Yeah, and? Come on, Nepgear, shouldn't you be used to this now?"

"Yes, but...what if there's something down below?" The Candidate shuddered from flashbacks to Dogoos, and then she blushed from thoughts of Neptune in a dogoo costume. "I don't want to think about that."

Starlow simply stared at Nepgear, before giving up on questioning it. "Ok, you can walk down those stairs and jump on clouds while we take the fast way down and leave you behind!" The Star Spirit dropped below the platform, flying down for Neptune.

"Oh, goodness…" She peeked over the edge of the platform.

"Well, I guess I could help you." The figure sighed. "Look up to the stars."

"Huh?" Nepgear stared at the beautiful starry skies. "Whoa, isn't it morning though?"

"You ready? Now we travel. With. Our. MINDS."

"Goodness!"

"Wheeeeee!" Neptune free-fell through clouds, the water soaking her clothes and bathing her shortly, cleaning her from Bowser's inside bodily fluids. Um...let's not go there. ( _You kink._ ) "Jr.!" The Goddess whirled around to look for her little sister, only to find a floating yellow spirit chasing her. "Oh, where is she?"

"No idea, it looked like she wasn't going to jump."

"Aww, she's missing out on something fun. We're going to have to wait for h-"

 **SLAMMING NOISES**

"-er." Neptune felt the soft sand around her. "So how long are we going to have to wait?"

"What took you guys so long?" Nepgear asked, crouching down next to Neptune.

"...oh."

"How'd you do that?" Starlow asks, curiously.

"I don't kn-"

"Obviously my little sister is finally awakening to her own powers of Neptune magic. I'm proud of you, Jr.!"

"Uh… Yeah, that's what happened… Eheheheh...heh..." Does that mean that octopus guy thing has small traces of Neptune magic in him? We'll never know.

"Although I'm afraid I can't let myself be outdone by my little sister. Behold! The Blade of Awe ( **Shucks** )!" As such, Neptune pulled out a beautiful, golden blade that seemed to bathe in a golden, holy light and held it up the heavens and SUMMONED A FREAKING DRAGON?! HOW?!

"What the goodness?!"

"Why is there a dragon flying towards us?!"

"It's cool. He's on our side." Why?! Why?! How?! Who makes a sword that can summon dragons?! "And the Grim Reaper." Who in their right mind… What'd you just say? "I can summon Death with this thing, too."

"..."

"If you think this is OP you shoulda seen that other sword." There's a sword even stronger than that one?! "You betcha!" Well then… "Take us to our destination, my loyal subject!"

It was then that the giant, green, fire-breathing dragon politely bowed its head and- since when did dragons do that!

"Goodness! My sister's charm stats are high enough to tame dragons now!" That's the part you zero in on?!

"You sure it won't eat us?" Starlow being the voice of reason, as usual.

"Don't worry about it. As long as I have this sword, he'll listen to us." You'd better hope you're right.

* * *

"One transition later." It didn't eat them! "Yup yup. Now, you stay here while we go look for that super technique to move that guy." ...Oh yeah, I forgot you guys were doing something.

"It was kind of a pain to park him here." ...They parked a dragon…? They PARKED a dragon?! "Yes, we did." Thank you for the exposition, Starlow.

"Okay, so now what do we do?" Nepgear asks aloud. "Where do we start?"

"How about those floating, inconspicuous puzzle block things?" Incospicu… No wonder all the other guys quit this job.

"There was a puzzle piece inside!" Hey, wait! You can't just do that stuff while I'm not looking! I need to narrate! ( **How much do we dock his pay for that?** _Um...how's 20% sound?_ ) ...I hate my life.

"Ooh, to think there were 6 others just like it." WHAT?! They found six more already!? ( **Make that 60%** ) "I betcha if we find one more we'll have what we came for!" Uh, yes… An astute observation from Neptune… Yeah…

"I think so, too." Chimed in Starlow. "But where do we find the last one?"

"Perhaps if we check these totally harmless, sock-shaped plants, we'll discover something!" Another astute observation from Neptune. "Here, hold my sword, Jr."

"Okay."

"Now, let's see here…" Sticking your head in there probably isn't the best of ide… "Hmph! Huh… Why's it so dark in here?" as… Yup… It swallowed her…

"Neptune!" It should be rather obvious how Nepgear reacted to this situation. "Give me back my sister!" Yep, she tried to slash the thing, but it appeared to be too quick and nimble, so it did the only logical thing it could think of.

 **PLUNK**

It trapped itself in the enclosed space of another, bigger, sock-shaped plant of course.

"Give. Her. Back!" As expected, again, Nepgear jumped in after it with Blade in hand, ready to slice some vegetables… Although she didn't expect that random scythe to come out of nowhere and help her cut- OH MY GOD IT REALLY CAN SUMMON DEATH! That sword is too OP!

"It's also really good for long-distance travel." Neptune chime- wait… You mean you only wanted it to travel to places? "Well yeah, I've always wanted to be a dragon rider." ...The protagonist, ladies and gentlemen… Oh my gosh…

"Hiyah! Hiyah! HIYAH!" Oh right, Nepgear's still cutting everything up alongside the Grim Reaper.

"As expected of my little sister. Her powers grow with each day." I can hardly even follow along anymore.

So… As expected, Nepgear did indeed get Neptune back, at which point she- "Neptune!" Crushed her in a giant bear hug, which caused an extremely volatile chain reaction within the stomach of the now dead plant thing, triggered by sisconic hormones, turning it into a miniature- "Sis… When did we end up in midair?" volcano.

"...I don't know… By the way, your hand's on my butt." Really? Siscon tendencies even now?

"S-sorry, it does that." It does?! How?! Wh- Please stop glaring.

"Ahem…" Starlow cleared her non-visible throat. "Now that we've finished that…"

"Oh right, gravity's supposed to work now, right?"

"Oh. Right." Nepgear looked down. "AAAAAAHHHHH!"

"WHOOOOOAAAAAHHHH!" Down the two fell, holding each other tightly as gravity pulled them back to the earth.

 **POP**

"Eww, what is this that I'm in?" Nepgear poked her head out of the sock she was in. "Eww, it's all mushy and stuff!"

"Wait, Jr.! That's a genius idea!"

"I-It is?"

"Since it's dead, we can use its corpse and hide amongst these guys! Maybe they have more of the puzzle pieces!" Neptune shouted ecstatically.

"R-Right! We could use this...corpse." The Candidate shuddered before getting comfy in the sock-monster corpse. "Alright, how do I move?" Try hopping? "Ooh, that works!"

"Ally-yoop!" Neptune popped into one of the corpses herself as well. "Here we go!" The two hopped off to a more populated area of sock monsters. Which these guys probably aren't going to show. ( _ **Yes.**_ ) Transition time! ( _ **Make it happen!**_ )

* * *

"There it is! The last puzzle piece!" Neptune hopped quickly up the steps and picked it up, putting it into her pocket, which was inside of essentially a giant pocket.

"Now we can get out of here. This corpse is all sticky…" Nepgear pushed herself out of the corpse and stepped out, only to realize that there were sock monsters all around them.

"Y-You...you killed our brother!"

"How could you?!"

"Harold!" At least Kumar is still kicking.

"Uh-oh, Jr.! Time to book it!" Neptune vaulted out of the corpse she was in, grabbing Nepgear by the hand and bolted with her in tow. Of course, Nepgear's heartbeat spiked for two reasons. Stop glaring! I didn't say anything wrong!

"Goodness, they're fast for socks!"

"This is for Jerry!" One sock launched itself at Nepgear, spilling the liquid it held onto the sisters.

"Eww, this is all sticky!"

"Just keep running, Sis! We can worry about this later!" Nepgear shouted, now pulling her sister by the hand. "We can wash this off in the clouds when we get back up there!"

"Yay, cloud-hopping again! Let's get back on the dragon before this sword transforms again by next chapter!"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: I think that was my Blade of Awe… At least she didn't take my Spirit Looms.**

 _Chisaku: Blade of Awe, how fitting. It's pretty Awe-some!_

 **Draco: The fake one is not nearly as good, but the Blade of Aww still has its uses… Not as many as that Doom Blade, but… Nothing is as good as that one.**

 _Chisaku: Maybe you could teach me all the swords you know about and wield. They seem fun._

 **Draco: We'll get to that, but right now I need to make you an honorary Soulweaver. First, you need to make your own Spirit Looms though… You'll also need a Soulally… Good times.**

 _Chisaku: I'm on it! Let's go!_


	42. Pudding Rain

"Wheee!" Neptune launched herself from cloud to cloud, letting her clothes soak up and clean out her clothes.

"At least we get to clean our clothes…" Nepgear sighed, slowly putting the puzzle together. "But Sis, please tell me this isn't what I think it is… Please…"

"Tis' what we must do." Someone doesn't sound concerned.

"Oh, my poor arms after this…" Um… What's on the puzzle? ( _ **Yes.**_ ) Of course.

"Cheer up, Jr.! It's not like it'll be the end of the world or anything!" Neptune's happy-go-lucky attitude beamed with the brightness of the sun, which coincidentally happened to be behind her.

"Technically it would be the end if the people couldn't be cured." Starlow replied, flying through a couple clouds. "What? There's nothing wrong with wanting to wash myself after… Ahem…" I'm not judging!

"There's the stairs again!" Nepgear pointed ahead. "Wait, do we have to walk up those...again?"

"Dunno. Maybe we could be flown up aga-oh. Right, the sword changed before we could." Neptune looked at her new sword. "It's all shiny and see-through."

"It looks like it's made of glass." Oh gee, I wonder why, Nepgear? What? Don't glare at me, don't you know that's rude?

"It's shiny, and shiny means good! I want to see if I can slash an enemy in half with this! Even the hand-guard is slightly sharp!" Isn't that counterproductive? ( _Guess you could call this a double-edged sword._ **So was the last one; what's your point?** _A sharp one._ **Pretty sure it's more rusted than that thing that use to be my heart.** ) …

And so, the CPUs came to the base of the stairs, staring up at the long trek they had ahead of them again. "Race you to the top again!" Neptune bolted up the stairs, Nepgear lagging behind.

"Wait! Sis…! This isn't good for my body!" Cardio is, and it's leg day! Go, Nepgear!

"Wheeee!" And of course she isn't even listening. "I can see the top! The stars are shining bright today!"

"Hah...huff...hooo…" The little sister wheezed as she pushed herself up the final stairs, lying on the plateau softly, trying to catch her breath. "Never again… This is as tiring as those D***os…" Wait… "Huh? Why are D***os censored?" Uh...authors? ( _Wrong universe_. **And because we're too efficient for our own good.** _Good relaxation, yo._ )

"You're really hopeless sometimes, aren't you, Jr.?" Neptune pulled Nepgear over her shoulder. "C'mon! We have a creature to push down before we can save the people from that what's-it disease!"

"The Blorbs?"

"Yeah, the Shorgusborb."

"It's Blorbs."

"I love the taste of Boar."

"...What does it taste like?"

"Could you two please focus for a minute? The guy's right there." Just remember Starlow, Neptune can only stay focused for a very limited time before something bad happens. "I'm aware of that, yes." Good.

"You got it. All we gotta do is move him, right? Easy peasy." Neptune's looking awful confident.

"I'd say she's looking beautifully confident." ( **That's because you're a siscon.** ) I was just about to say. "Hmph!" Now she's looking grumpy.

"Jr.'s right though. I'm always looking my best." Narcissism at its finest… There is a second one of her now, right? ...She wouldn't try dating herself, would she? ( **...I don't know…** _...It could happen…_ ) You're not actually gonna… Why are you whistling? Why is that mental image giving Nepgear a nosebleed? Why does Starlow have a nosebleed?!

"I think something in my brain broke…" ...You should see a doctor about that. "So, we gonna move him yet?"

"Special skill time!" Bouncing back as if I hadn't suggested anything regarding selfcest. As expected of a pro MC like Neptune… Where do I leave my letter of resignation? "Let's do this!"

"Okay. I don't know if this is going to work, but let's give it a try!" Well said, Nepgear. "What does this skill do anyway?"

"I dunno…" Neptune responded with a shrug. "Let's try it out!" With a punch of a button, the skill came to life and… Actually, nothing happened for a few seconds, but it was after those uneventful few seconds that things started to get real. "Is that… Could it be… Pudding's raining from the sky!" Neptune magic is an odd thing indeed.

"What the goodness? Where did all of that pudding come fro- Wait, sis if you eat so much all at once-" Too late! Neptune was gobbling it all up like a hungry, purple shark!

"Huh… I forgot she could use those glowy swords." It was as Starlow said. Neptune was using a bunch of glowy swords as footholds and moving them from side to side so all she needed to do was keep her mouth open and be ready to munch on more and more pudding… Classic… Wait a minute, so the small version uses swords and glowy sword projectiles, while the bigger one uses sword and guns? ...Why does that sound so familiar?

"Foolishness, Narrator! Foolishness!" Who you calling a foo- Oh my gosh, she's so fat!

"How rude! My sister is not fat!" No, she is clearly way bigger than she was a few seconds ago!

"Hey, maybe if she drops from up there, the shockwave from the fall will be enough to move the squid octo dad guy." Which she is only able to do because she's so fat! How is she still even able to stand on her glowy swords when she's that big?!

"So all I gotta do is fall on him, right?" Oh my… I can already envision what's about to happen… "Bombs ahoy!"

"Hmm… What is- AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Wow, that a loud THUD, if I ever heard one.

"Hey, I did it! I broke his force field!" She also shrunk back to her original size… Seriously, where do I leave my resignation notice? "Hey, we did it, squiddie man guy bro. Can we have the cure now? ...Hello?"

"Sis, I think you knocked him unconscious!"

"I think she might have done worse!" Well he does look awfully limp… For an octo squid man, I mean.

"No worries, I got brought me a one-up mushroom for just such an occasion!" She was anticipating an event like this? What kind of foresight does this woman have? "Well you gotta think about this stuff when you're a CPU, you know."

"But if you're a CPU, which would technically make you...you know what? Never mind. Neptune Magic, I already know the answer." Starlow tried to piece together an argument before putting a hole through it herself.

"Ally-yoop!" Neptune popped the mushroom into the octo squid man's mouth.

"O-oh. I'm somehow alive. Odd, I was talking to my brother for a moment there." (He has a brother? A-apparently? 0-0") The now alive octo squid man stiffened up again. "Hm...this lying down posture isn't all that bad, helps me lighten the load on my back. I think I like this."

"Can we have the cure now?"

"Oh, right." The octo squid man stared up at the stars. "There you go, take it."

"Huh?" Nepgear patted her suddenly heavy pocket. "Oh. You teleported it into my pocket."

"Where else would I keep a Star Cure but the stars?" He's right. "Now, won't you stargaze with me? Just for a little bit?"

"Sure."

"Ok."

"Why not?"

And so, the group stared up at the visible stars, silence around them as they gazed into the starry sky. "And now we travel… With. Our. MINDS!"

"What?"

* * *

"Whoa!" Neptune landed onto the ground, the soft sand beginning to cave in on itself. "Isn't this...the beach?"

"Yeah, it is." Nepgear sat up. "Eww, there's sand in my dress now!"

"Looks like he teleported us down. We have the third Star Cure now, we should get going." Starlow determinately spoke.

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: So uh… That plot, eh?_

 **Draco: Oh yeah, you mean that thing that doesn't exist in this story?**

 _Chisaku: Yeah, just like the fourth wall at this point!_

 **Draco: Indeed… The Neptunes are Vergil and Dante confirmed! Peace!**

 _Chisaku: Huzzah!_

 **Draco: By the, how's work on making those Spirit Looms?**

 _Chisaku: Going great! Really fun, actually._


	43. Blue Shell Ride

"Hm…" Of course we cut the walking from the beach to Toad Town. ( _ **Yes.**_ ) "With three Star Cures in hand, I believe praise is in order." The DocToad held the three blue cures up, the stars within them beginning to glow. "I shall call this new medicine… THE MIRACLE CURE! Now go! My Miracle Cure!" The three Star Cures combined, becoming a new force of a three star medicine that whisked itself out of the room.

"Huh. I rate it with three stars." Neptune stuck her tongue out as if to taunt everyone. ( _Yes._ **No.** )

"So uh… Is there a reason that we're waiting? Shouldn't we be getting back to Peach's Castle now?" Nepgear asked.

"Yes, the Miracle Cure should be coming back right about now." As if on cue due to some horribly lazy writing, the Miracle Cure whisked back into the room, settling itself into Neptune's second dimension of a pocket.

"It's called an inventory, get it right!" Right, her inventory.

"Now go! The Toads should be cured, and the barriers are destroyed now!" The DocToad pointed his grossly disproportionate finger out to the door. "Defeat Fawful once and for all!"

"Wait, when did we tell you we were trying to take down Fawful?" Starlow inquired.

"Oh, you didn't? Uh… I mean, you totally did during a chapter transition!" I don't remember that. ( _I didn't tell him._ **I don't care enough to tell him.** ) "Uh…"

"Just who are you?"

"...DOCTOAD POWERS!" And out of existence he poofed, leaving his robes and hat behind.

"...ok then." Nepgear shrugged.

"I see…" Neptune put a hand to her chin, as if in deep contemplation. "He must have been a practitioner of the forbidden art of 'Reading the Script'" Neptune declared… So he just peeked at a past chapter then? "Most likely. The writers are too lazy to come up with much stuff ahead of time." ( _Hey!_ **She's right though.** _But still…_ )

"Can we please get on with this already?" Stralow asked exhaustedly.

"Okay, but let's get our new special move from the counter before we go." How does she know that? "Yes."

"There's a special move waiting for us at the reception desk?"

"Yup, and it's a real doozy!"

* * *

"Wow, that move really is amazing!" Nepgear was amazed.

"Whoa, I didn't know moves like that existed in the Mushroom Kingdom!" Even Starlow was impressed.

"Heheh. A move like this only come around once in a generation, you know." Neptune's words were not just hollow boasts. Having witnessed such a technique herself, she could safely say it was unlike anything she'd ever seen before, and that was saying a lot for someone who'd been ruling over a nation as long as she had. "By the way, what do we do with this cure thingy?"

"I...don't know…" Starlow responded. The trio were standing in front of the ominous cloud things blocking the way to Peach's castle.

"Maybe we could try holding it up in front of the clouds...? Maybe?" Nepgear suggested.

"Works for me." And that's exactly what Neptune did. You can imagine her disappointment when she stood there, holding up an orb with a bunch mutated stars in it. "Wait! I think it's working… Yup, there's a beam of light coming out of it… Really slowly…" You can imagine the group's surprise when the sluggish beam practically turned into a sonic boom and erased all the clouds, which was… Not very much really. I mean, when you have a shapeshifting sword that dances on the edge of copyright claims, and have to deal with a fire-breathing turtle dragon thing on a regular basis, stuff like this isn't nearly as surprising.

"Finally! We've been waiting for how long to get in the castle?" A long time. ( _But technically you're not inside of the castle itself yet._ )

"Get ready, Jr.! We're about to meet the princess of an entire kingdom!" So says the monarch of an entire nation. "Hush, you! This is different! It's all old-timey and stuff."

"It is much different than what we're used to." Leave it to the siscon to agree with her sister.

"And as soon as we save her she'll owe me one! Kekekekekeke!" What an unusually evil-sounding laugh from the CPU of Planeptune.

"Um… Neptune…? Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, Jr. Just thinking about what I'm gonna want once we save the princess… Heheheheheh." ...I like this one a lot more all of a sudden. ( _ **Yes.**_ )

"Authors! Stop corrupting my Sis!"

"No, Jr. I said I'm fine!" Neptune replied with an uncharacteristically large smirk.

"Let's just get going before this turns any worse! Where's the scene transition?!" Nepgear pushed Neptune along.

"There's no scene to transition to." Starlow deadpanned. Are you sure? Isn't this around the time the au-

* * *

"Oh look! It's another Blue Shell Block!" You didn't let me finish my sentence! ( _More pay deductions?_ **For that Tsukkomi, yes.** ) Oh come the freak on! "We can throw this and head straight for Fawful again!"

"Hooooooold it!" Three Blue Shelled Paratroopas came from the sky. "It's you two again? You guys unleashed our shells in the first place, and we've been flying all over to try to recollect them!" The first one called.

"Recollect!"

"Them!"

"So unless you want to do some tedious things, I suggest you cough up 1,000 coins!" The first one shouted again.

"1,000!"

"Coins!"

"Shut up you two!" The Leader knocked both of his lackeys with his shell. "These two idiots here, always getting hurt you see? So cough them up or no shell!"

"Uh… Sure." Neptune threw a sack of coins to the Troopas.

"I knew you wouldn't do-wait what?" I didn't know a turtle's jaw could drop that low. "You're really giving us 1,000 coins?"

"Yeppers, we don't need them anymore, we're almost done with this story!" Neptune replied, grabbing the Blue Shell. "Ok, bye guys!" The Goddess pulled her little sister by the arm, hopping onto the Blue Shell which rocketed them towards the castle.

"Huh. What good people." The Troopa picked up the sack of coins. "There's seriously 1,000 coins in here. It's heavy!"

"Wheeeeeee!" Neptune shouted as the two surfed over the maze that was the castle's front.

"Wait, Neptune, look down there!" Starlow nodded to the junkyard off to the side. "Isn't that a vault? Bowser might be in there!"

"Heeeeeh? But I wanna do Fawful in first!"

"Remember, Bowser asked us kindly to help him. After we broke him like that, how are we going to ignore him like that?"

"...Bowser's a King, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Ehehehehehehehehe….heheheheheheh! Let's go save him!" Oooh, Evil Neptune again, I like this Neptune, can we keep her? Please? ( _ **Yes.**_ )

"No!" Nepgear shouted at they landed before the junkyard, skipping the entire castle grounds.

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: We finished the chapter… But at what cost?!**

 _Chisaku: Uh… Less than normal, actually. Usually we have more fourth walls to patch but this time it's not as bad as usual._

 **Draco: Yeah… Yeah… Normally that'd be right, but someone stole my Doom Blade… I can already imagine how much my hospital bill's gonna cost me once I get it back.**

 _Chisaku: Oh crap, what?_

 **Draco: Heads are going to roll, cities destroyed, and many of my bones will likely be broken… Good times these are not.**

 _Chisaku: Uh… Should we prepare for the worst? I'll grab some extra swords...and an RPG...and maybe the Spirit Bomb I have lying around that'll take a week to charge._

 **Draco: Why do you have a spirit bomb lying around?! That only hurts evil right? That could freaking kill us!**

 _Chisaku: Shhh, no it won't! It's a modified one, it kills good._

 **Draco: Emphasis on DOOM Blade… Ah screw it, just get me my scythe. I'll take care of this myself.**


	44. Professional Horns

"Wheee!" Neptune shouted as the two landed the Blue Shell into the Junkyard. "Bow-Bow's in here somewhere?"

"Apparently. The Blue Shell took us here." Nepgear searched around. "Didn't Bowser get pushed into a Vault? Let's loo-"

"INTRUDERS ALERT! INTRUDERS ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!" The large Trash Can robot stood up, springing to life. "ELIMINATE!"

"Oh geez, not this again!" Nepgear drew her Laser Beam Sword.

"Hi-!" Neptune stopped, staring at her Katana completely baffled at the sight. "Uh… Authors? Hello?" Though no answer prevailed.

"Sis? What's wrong?"

"No, I was just… Expecting some random Sword from another series to come up. But it's my usual Katana." The CPU stared at the sword. "Oh well, it doesn't matter, I'll still Nep this thing to bits!"

"EXTERMINATE!" The robot pushed forward, rushing towards Nepgear.

"Uwah!" Quickly caught off guard for a moment, the CPU Candidate jumped back, only to land in a pile of junk. "Eww!"

"Jr.!" Neptune rushed to the aid of her sister, slashing away at whatever bits of trash that were being flung by the robot. "This piece of junk is no match for me!" She grabbed Nepgear's hand, pulling her out of the pile of rubbish. "Let's take it out, Jr.!"

"Right, Sis!" The two synergized their attacks, pushing forward with fury. "Hiyah!"

"Nepu!"

"INTRUDERS! MUST TERMINATE!" The Junkbot threw small trash cans at the girls, small lights underneath the lids.

"Hiyah!" Neptune kicked the cans away, only for them to roll back to defend the Junkbot. "Huh? Those are enemies too?"

"We can take them, Sis! Hiyah!" Nepgear slashed the incoming can in half.

The Junkbot frantically flailed its arms, lashing out at Nepgear with one. The hand opened up to be a vacuum, sucking in Nepgear by the clothes. "JUNK FOUND."

"What do you mean I'm junk?!"

"DISPOSAL." It threw Nepgear into a trashcan, the lid closing on itself tightly shut.

"I wonder if this is because we spent so much time inside of Bowser…?" The CPU mused to herself. "Meh, whatever! Give me back my sister!" Taking action, Neptune kicked the bucket, quite literally, with enough force to send the thing flying into the air. The lid promptly fell off and Nepgear fell unceremoniously from a rather impressive height.

( **Chisaku… What the hell is this?** _Hell if I know anymore. This is boring and unoriginal._ **More importantly… This guy's making us look bad. Something needs to be done about this.** )

"Huh… Sometimes I don't even know my own strength." Quite an understatement, to be sure. "I got ya, Jr.!"

"Muh!" In an unexpected twist, a large boar came flying in on a hover device from out of nowhere. The very same beast Bowser had developed a sort of rivalry with.

"Hey! You were supposed to show up before the battle started!" ( **Oh yeah… Totally knew that.** )

"Enough of your nonsense! You go no farther than- Gack!" In an unfortunate twist, the falling trash can was on trajectory to become very intimate with the boar's head. On the bright side, Nepgear landed safely, if a bit shakily, in her sister's arms.

"See what happens when you show up too late? Not even fat boars are safe from the power of Neptune magic… Oh right! You okay, Nepgear?" The elder asked caringly.

"Yeah… I'm fine… You have a really strong kick, sis." So strong that Nepgear almost passed out from the sudden shift in height at such alarming speeds.

"When did these stars show up? So… So pretty." As it turns out, being struck over the head by a trash can had the capacity to leave people feeling delirious. "No, mommy, I don't want to go to bed yet."

"Anyway." Starlow started, ignoring the delirious boar floating around on a hoverboard. "How do we get Bowser out of there?"

Meanwhile Neptune already had the perfect solution to this dilemma. "Don't worry guys, I've got this all figured out." That solution, of course, was to take the safe and throw it towards the junk depository with all the force she could muster, which is a lot of force, by the way.

"Oh… He's gonna feel that in the morning."

"He's probably going to feel that right now."

"He can feel whatever he wants after he's repaid the kindness I showed in saving him." Just then, Nepgear wasn't sure if she was going crazy, but...

"S-sis… Are those horns coming out of your head?"

"What're you talking about? I'm perfectly normal, and not at all malicious in any way." Neptune chuckled softly, yet her voice contradicted her words.

"I see... " Nepgear made sure to make a mental note not to let her sister near any people with positions of power.

"Anyway, I think we should head back inside Bowser." A bold declaration by Starlow.

"Huh? But I haven't gotten my reward yet!"

"The reward can wait till later. For now, I think it'll be easier to storm the place with us inside of Bow-Bow." Neptune scoffed a bit in annoyance, but ultimately agreed to the idea set forth by the… Yellow, floating Bob-Omb creature. "Just make sure not to get those horns caught on Bow-Bow's insides. That's painful just to think about."

"So I'm not just seeing things! She really does have horns!" Nepgear exclaimed properly, only to give up questioning things.

"Let's hop back into his body...but how?" Neptune inquired. "Should we look for another pipe?"

"I think there should be one back in that hut over there when I was launched into the air, I saw it through a hole in the roof." The trio stepped over the trash and junk everywhere, going back onto the normal path and entered the small hut there, a warp pipe protruding from the ground.

"Let's see where this leads." Starlow said, as they entered the lone warp pipe.

* * *

Out of the warp pipe our heroines walked, back into the belly of the beast. "Oh, we're back in Bowser's body again." Nepgear could feel her boots sink into the 'floor' that was Bowser's body.

"I can't believe we didn't stay for my reward…"

"Oh come on, it's not all that bad, you'll get it." Starlow replied softly.

"Chippy… Chippy!"

"Looks like Bowser's in need of help." The Star Spirit flew up to communicate with the Koopa King. "Yeah?"

"Back… Hurts… Help me…"

"Hm…"

"Fix it… Now…"

"I don't know…"

"P-Please…"

"I'm on it." Starlow smirked underneath it all, unbeknownst to Bowser. "Alright girls, you heard him, Bow-Bow's back hurts let's get to it."

"Yeah!"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 _Chisaku: This chapter… Why…?_

 **Draco: I think the worst part is that we have to pay this guy in full, lest we risk looking unprofessional.**

 _Chisaku: Yeah, we do have an image to uphold. Or else we lose all credit on our work._

 **Draco: Let's just make sure we stick to more… Expressive narrators from now on. That guy kind of made us look bad.**

 _Chisaku: Agreed, I think we should go to Paris for drinks before looking for a better one._

 **Draco: Yeah, it'll be great. I serve everyone poison (alcohol) as they spew out their petty little issues to us. It'll be great.**


	45. Ramen Redux

"Hm, maybe we should check further down." Neptune said, as the trio traversed Bowser's inside again, common ground for them now. "Obviously we're going to have to find something right?"

"Yeah, let's try looking further." Stating the obvious, redundancy for the win! ( _Oh man, it feels good seeing a narrator with personality again._ **Good stuff, yo.** ) "Hmrgh…" Hey, stop glaring now, I didn't even do anything!

"Oh, isn't that the Limber Area?" Starlow flew ahead of the sisters. "Oh, Toadsworth, you're here?" Oh hey, it's the old dude! Hey old dude!

"How rude the new generation is! I am not that old!" You're looking as old as Gramps. "Come over here, I'll whack some manners into you!" Toadsworth swung his cane in the air.

"Oh hey, it's the old guy! Hi Toald!" Neptune eccentrically exclaimed.

"What is with this new generation and how rude they are?! The Masters Mario and Luigi would never be so disrespectful!"

"I-I'm sorry, my Sis is just… Very energetic is all." Nepgear quickly apologized. "The narrator is a different story, he's just...him." What does that mean? "In any case, this part of Bowser looks really bloated, it wasn't this way before when we explored here."

"But, but, this is my cozy little room now. Don't tell me you're going to take away my room on top of my respect too?"

"Alright!" Neptune drew a slender Katana out, lightning sparking from it. "Ooh, I haven't seen the Raij***o in forever! But it looks different, this is more from an old Samurai than anyone else!" Indeed, it fits the Legendary Ho***do king Su***agi. "Hiyah!" Yikes, that cut muscle Neptune!

"This worked last time, stimulating his muscles with lightning should get it to return to normal!" Nepgear jumped on the muscle, massaging it in the little way she could. "This way, Bowser's back should feel better."

"Watch where you're aiming that sword!" Toadsworth saw his life flash before his eyes, unpleasant as it was. "I was nearly roasted alive! I'm too young to be turned into a Side Dish!" Whoa, for an old geezer he sure runs fast. He's already out!

"R***into! Heed my call!" The CPU thrust the blade into the core of a nerve, lightning beginning to branch out through it. "Spark!"

* * *

"YEEEE-OOOOOOWCH!" Bowser rocketed into the sky, clutch his stomach. He curled forward, feeling his body roll into a large spikey ball. "Woah! Chippy, you did it! I feel as limber as...something that's really limber!" Yeah, that works. Let's go with that for now.

"That's good to hear, Bow-Bow. Now don't you have somewhere to be?" Starlow asked as if leading Bowser on.

"Yeah, time to bust Fawful's face in for this!" Bowser rolled away at the speed of...a car because he's not a hedgehog. Heading through the Castle Grounds as if they were nothing to him. Of course, we're not showing any of that stuff because it's boring. All you need to know is that Bowser's in the Castle now and entering a random room where he heard a very high pitched laugh. ( _ **What he said.**_ )

"I HAVE CHORTLES!" And cue Chisaku fangasming. "With this device, the Almighty Fawful will be able to extract the power of the Dark Star!" He turned, facing the Burly King who had just entered. "ACK! I HAVE DELAYS! You should not be here yet!"

"Shut it, little guy! I'm here to crush you!" Bowser slid forward with a punch, only to be met with one of equal force.

"You. Problem." Whoa there, Midbus. ( **He recovered from that trash can smacking him awfully fast.** ) You're looking stronger. "Out of our way."

"Oh, you want a piece of me again? Let's go!" Bowser put up his fists. "I'll give you a knuckle sandwich with a side of liquid Fawful!" C-can I have some, too? I forgot my lunch back at home. ( **Have Chisaku's ramen.** _NO! MY RAMEN!_ **Everyone else has had some by now. Even that random dog over there…** _WAIT WHAT?! MY RAMEEEEEEEEENNN!_ ) Thanks, boss! ( **Yes.** _NO!_ )

"Midbus, it is time! I HAVE THE GIVING OF POWER!" Fawful drew a laser beam and aimed for Midbus, firing at him. "I HAVE FURY!" ( **You also have an overbite.** ) "Hey! ...I have feelings, too."

"Hrgh!" Midbus turned a light shade of blue, long brown Viking hair grew from his head. "You need to chill out."

"How about we get fired up?!" Bowser unleashed his fiery rage onto the new half frozen Midbus, the battle commenced! By the way, this is some good ramen, yo! Thanks again, boss! ( _My… My ramen…_ **You do realize there's still more in the pantry, right?** _Yeah, but that's one less ramen… My ramen..._ ) Oh dude, look at all that punching action! Bowser throws a right Hookfish, but Midbus counters with a quick Uruguay Slam! Are these actually the move names? Who did this research? (Leedle leedle leedle lee. _**Screw you, Bob!**_ )

"That's it! Take this! My Super Ultimate Combo!"

"Hah! That's nothing compared to my Super Ultimate Graceful Combo!"

"Then how about my Super Ultimate Graceful Wonderful Combo!"

"That's nothing in the face of my Super Ultimate Graceful Wonderful Fabulous Combo!"

"Super Ultimate Graceful Wonderful Fabulous Dynamic Combo!"

"Super Ultimate Graceful Wonderful Fabulous Dynamic Fantabulous Combo!"

"Super Ultimate Graceful Wonderful Fabulous Dynamic Fantabulous Herculean Combo!"

"Super Ultimate Graceful Wonderful Fabulous Dynamic Fantabulous Herculea-" _**CRUNCH**_ "-ARGH! I BIT MY TONGUE!"

"Ahahahaha! I have laughter!" ( **For once, we agree, little green man.** ) "I do not have forgiveness for the likes of you!" ( **Those horse teeth ain't normal, and you know it!** )

"Hah! You are in need of more training!"

"Twwain thisss!" Oh snap! Look at that punch! Right in the goolads! Midbus ain't moving any time soon. ( _What the hell are "goolads"?_ **Yes.** ) "Not good enuff!" Wow, biting his tongue has given him a pretty bad lisp. "Bowsaa Slam!" Welcome to the jam! The oversized koopa king charged the icified Midbus with a burning tackle! Literally! Because he wrapped himself in fire during the move. Right in the doolads! ( **They're doolads now?** )

In a last ditch effort to counter the fat turtle dragon king, Midbus would use his ultimate technique. "No, I will not-" Too bad it kind of backfired and encased most of his own body in ice instead. That kind of sucks. "Hnnngh! Darn it! I knew I should have practiced my Super Ultimate Graceful Wonderful Fabulous Dynamic Fantabulous Herculean Sassafrass Combo more often!"

And now Midbus is spewing a constant stream of icy wind from his nostrlis. Oh hey, I think the princess just passed out! Yup, definitely unconscious right now.

"Whutt?!" Bowser practically swung his head to get a look. Indeed, Peachy had fallen asleep, for some reason… More importantly, how long has she been in the room? ( _ **Yes.**_ ) I see… "When did thisss happun?!"

"Yes! The Dark Star! It awakens!" Fawful cheered!

"It's about time!" An older, almost granny-like voice- "Who you calling "Granny"?" Excuse me! I was in the middle of something. Aaaaanyway. Random lady in a witch hat showed up, flying from the sky… Oh ma gosh! She can fly! "Bah! This is why I hate all of you!" Never gonna make any friends with that attitude. "I still have more than that lonely Lastation brat!"

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away!

"Achoo!" A twin-tailed girl sneezed. "Who are you and how did you get in here?" So this is what a loser with no friends looks like! "Hey!" Back to the story!

Cool! I didn't know I could do that!

"Such darkness! Such evil!" Mr. Emo must have the biggest bon** right about now. "I HAVE THE POWER!" We are so getting sued for that copyright infringement. ( **Yeah, so we have to kill Fawful**. _B-but-_ )

"Way ahead of ya!" Bowser was already winding up a fist while Fawful used his head vaccuum thingie to suck up the Dark Star!

"Where the hell were you keeping that thing?" Asked the old lady. She didn't get an answer, as Bowser was already slamming his fist into Fawful's cranium! He's gonna feel that… Right now! Right in the joolads! ( **I didn't realize the human body had so many "lads" in it.** _Neither did I._ )

"Oh hey, old lady! Been awhile!" Bowser practically shouted when he noticed the flying witch lady. Oh hey! His lisp is gone! Must be because of all the rage. "I still owe ya for that "throat massage" you gave me a while back!"

"Oh? You look like you're in need of another one!" The granny taunts back! That sounds like an awesome movie name… Dibs!

The two stared at each other intensely for a few seconds, until- "Achoo!" Some weird darky stuff got in Bow-Bow's nose, making him sneeze! Wait, weren't those pieces of the Dark Star?

* * *

"Oh great, now the Princess is unconscious too. And here I was hoping I'd finally be rewarded for my efforts."

"I'm sure Princess Peach would be more than willing to do anything you want after we get rid of the Dark Star." Starlow interjected. Unfortunately, that was a very poor choice of words.

"Anything, you say?"

"S-sis? What's with that look in your eye?" Nepgear asked, a bit panicky. "The last time I saw that look on your face…" She stopped right then and there. She didn't want to think back on those memories… Whoa… Is Peach still going to be able to be married after Neptune's done with her? "Please don't word it like that."

"Hey, what's that?" Starlow asked, bringing attention to a little black ball of… Oh, I think that's the Dark Star! Bow-Bow swallowed a part of the Dark Star!

"That's… Perfect… Now we don't have to waste as much time looking for it! My reward awaits me!"

"Wait, Neptune!"

"Oh boy, I really don't like that look in her eye!"

* * *

 **A/N(?):**

 _Chisaku: Drinks in Paris?_

 **Draco: Sure.**


	46. Dry Puns

"Whee!" Neptune slid down the slope that was Bowser's frozen heart. "Who knew that something as fiery as Hell could _Freeze_ over?!" ( **Chisaku?** _Yes?_ **I'm going to wipe that grin off your face.** _Oooooops_. **With a cheese grater.** )

"This is kinda fun, but it's freezing in here!" Nepgear complained.

"Nepgear, like I said, you are not cold." Starlow got close up to Nepgear's face, staring down into her soul. "It is. Not. Cold. Do you. Understand. Me?"

"B-But-!"

"NOT! Cold."

Nepgear opened her mouth to protest again.

"NOT COLD!"

"I am not cold." Nepgear repeated. Whoa, is that like a new force power or something? ( **This is not the knife I am looking for.** )

"Good, now let's get going." Starlow turned around.

"Brr…" Softly she shivered.

"NOT COLD!"

"Y-Yes!" Despite that her legs are shaking still. Someone, get her some pants! ( **If Neptune ever wore those, I bet Nepgear would already be trying to get into those.** _Agreed._ ) Ah! I see what you did there! "..." Hey, she's not denying it this time. Development!

"But this is so weird, isn't this supposed to be just around Bowser's Heart?" Neptune crouched, poking the now non-frozen 'ground' that held odd shaped cells. "These look more like pills." Indeed, they were made of what seemed to be the very fibers and memories of Bowser. "Ooh! Dark Star!" There's that look again. "Kill it!" ...Wow...

"After it!" Starlow shouted, the trio giving chase. "It's cornered, Bowser's bones are blocking the path!" Indeed, the powerful structures held their own as a gate… Wait, why are there bones INSIDE the heart?!

'Grumble Grumble' The Dark Star gave off soft noises, before taking a pill-like thing from one of the cells, digesting it. '!' WHOA! WHY DID THAT MAKE IT GROW ARMS?! ( _Cool! I want to see if I can do that too!_ **Just make sure you don't swallow those beans I bought by mistake.** _What do those do?_ )

"Interesting…" Starlow examined the now broken bones, the Dark Star escaping through the gaps. "It gained Bow-Bow's strength. And arms apparently."

"Does that mean…?!" Neptune poked at the cell underneath the one the Dark Star stole from, trying to pry out the pill-looking thing. "Let me...grab...this…!"

"Sis! That's dangerous! Who knows what that might give you?!"

"But who knows what it CAN give me?!" Neptune's eyes lusted for power. "I could become even stronger! Be the most powerful protagonist in the world!" I mean, technically there aren't many other powerful protagonists in the many worlds. Neptune is a Goddess capable of achieving over level 1,000. "Even this guy agrees!" Yeah!

"No! I don't want you to become a hybrid of Goddess and...whatever Turtle, Ox, Dragon, thing Bowser is!" She has a point, that would be very awkward to snuggle with at night. "..."

"Fine!" Neptune threw the pill back from whence it came. "I'll just get stronger the good old fashioned way!" Level grinding? "Push-ups, sit-ups, and plenty of juice." Oh snap! That does sound good! ( **Make sure your hair doesn't fall out at the end of it.** ) "Fights should not end in One Punch." Agreed. "They should end in one clean sword slash." That's even more brutal. ( _Would be more fun if it wasn't clean and bloody instead._ ) "Exactly."

"What the goodness is happening to you, sis?!"

"I'm joking!" Neptune put her arms up in a… Whoa, is that a butterfly…? Hang on, I'm gonna go look at this butterfly over here…

Holy Sh*t it's a Butterfly!

( **Yeah… You lost half your pay.** ) I have ramen. ( _...Can we change it to, like 75% or something?_ )

"Now let's go after our game!" Neptune might as well have been wearing a wolf-skin coat on her back, because in that moment, she was the absolute epitome of what a hunter should look like… Although I don't know where those horns came from.

The team swiftly chased after the Dark Star, quickly gaining on the thing. They caught up in a matter of minutes and-

'Crunch Crunch!' On snap, it ate another one! Oh snap, it's breathing fire!

"I'll have what he's having." Fire-breathing Neptune? That doesn't sound very good…

"Sis, could you please focus? It's getting away again!" Nepgear pleaded with her sister. "We need to stop it! Who knows how strong it'll get if we let it eat any more of Bowser's cells!"

Neptune sighed in defeat. "Okay, okay. We just have to catch up to it quick, right?" Before she even got an answer, Neptune jumped into the air and landed on a blue, glowy sword that appeared out of thin air… She can do that?! "Hop on!" She offered a hand to her sister.

"Neptune… Yeah! Let's do this!" The sister hopped o-

"And then we'll get my sweet reward!"

"...It's a start"

* * *

"Hut!" After a short while of sword surfing shenanigans- Oh snap! Did you see that?! Neptune just went and dropped-kicked the Dark Star into one of Bowser's bones!

"Nice one, Neptune!" Starlow called out, poking her head out of- when did she get in Neptune's hood?

"My turn!" Nepgear followed her sister's lead and fell from up high and delivered a falling stab onto the downed Dark Star! "What the goodness?!" However, she did not expect for the Dark Star to block her attack by forming a shield in the form of Bowser's spiky shell. The younger girl jumped back, taking her place next to Neptune, swords drawn and at the ready!

"What the devil is going on here?" Whoa! Neptune has a talking sword! "How did I get here? I could have sworn I was still resting near the lake. And who are you?" The talking sword asked the purple-haired CPU.

"It's a talking sword!" Thank you, Lieutenant Nepgear, you have officially been promoted to Captain Obvious! "Don't make me go over there! I'm starting to reach my limit with this!" Eep!

"Ooh, that's new." Neptune excitedly looked the sword over. "Name's Neptune, CPU of Planeptune and main protagonist-" Suddenly Neptune backflipped away from an oncoming fire attack. "Of all main protagonists." She casually finished.

"I see…? I still do not know what is going on, but whatever the case, it seems you may require some assistance against that… Thing...over there."

"So you'll help out?"

"For now at least."

"Neato! What's your name, Mr. Sword guy?" Neptune asked as she casually stepped to the side, avoiding a speeding fireball. Nepgear on the other hand, took the chance to attack the Dark Star while it was vulnerable.

"My name is Calib**n. It seems I will be in your care for now, Sir Neptune of Planeptune."

"I'm not a Sir!" Actually, all knights were given the title of 'Sir' regardless of gender. "Oh… Okay. That works, I guess." Another attack came Neptune's way in the form of a lazer beam… Did… Did it learn that from Bowser or what? "Let's get this done!"

The CPU charged forward with sword in hand, skilfully evading any attacks thrown her way. And by that I mean she only moved the bare minimum to ensure she didn't take any damage while she made a mad dash towards the Dark Star. Nepgear meanwhile was trying already trying to do damage up close, but was batted away from the amorphous evil entity of… Whatever the Dark Star was made of. ( **Every Villain Is Lemons.** _My cat loves lemons. I guess you could call him a-_ **Don't you dare-** _Sour Puss!_ ) EVIL!

In an attempt to keep the purple-heads away, the Dark Star manipulated its body into a whip-like appendage, otherwise known as a tentacle, if you're a hentai connoisseur to strike at the sisters with. It first tried to target Neptune, but the CPU quickly jumped into the air and spun like a hedgehog and sliced through the thing on her way to the Dark Star's main body. The distance was closed in an instant and the Dark Star received a powerful slash - to the face! - before Neptune jumped away. But just as the Dark Star was about to recover from the attack, Neptune squeezed her bad hand a bit, making sure she could still feel at least her hand, and snapped her fingers. What followed was a barrage of glowing, blue blades rocketing towards the Dark Star at high speeds and practically turning it into a pin cushion.

"Finish it, Jr.!" At Neptune's call, Nepgear rushed forward without hesitation and, as soon Neptune's summoned swords disappeared, she pressed a button on her Beam Saber, sending it into overdrive mode and slashing at the ball of Dark Evil with the force of a thousand suns… Actually, that's a lie, it was more like, ⅓ of a sun, but the passion was all there!

"Disappear!" After a barrage of rapid blows, Nepgear delivered one final, devastating attack! Explosions everywhere, for some reason, because this is an action scene! ( **Neither of our names rhyme with 'Bay'.** _Or 'Michael'._ )

'Gurgle…' The Dark Star fell to the ground, as if admitting defeat from such a wild barrage of explosions. ( _You could say that was, an explosive victory!_ **I hate you sometimes.** _Not as much as Bob though._ **True.** ) Well that went over simple enough.

"Time for my prize!" Neptune rushed forward, kneeling down to grab the now dormant Dark Star. Oh? It just sparked. "No it didn't, that's just me picking it up and showing the viewers!"

"Sis, it just sparked again."

"Uh… I'm putting it away though."

"NEPTUNE, RUN!" Starlow shouted, slamming the Dark Star out of her hand. Suddenly, the Dormant Dark Star began sucking everything around it into a vacuum of darkness, edginess filling the air with despair. ( _It's really… Desp-AIR!_ ) You really have to _squeeze_ those in everywhere, huh? ( _Yep._ )

"Whoa!" Nepgear grabbed her sister by the hand, trying to not think about the interaction as they tried to escape the vortex. Even the air, the cells, all those pill-like things were sucked dry into the vortex, before it all stopped.

"Hm…" Did… Didn't the Dark Star just float there a second ago? NOW IT'S A FULL DARK BOWSER! "This form… Power… More Power…" Up it flew, escaping the confines of Bow-Bow's body, leaving only the edginess of the atmosphere behind…

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: Of course you brought lemonade in here. Why wouldn't you?**

 _Chisaku: Excuse me, it's Limeade. Totally different._

 **Draco: It's as different as from lemonade as a dog is to a slightly dumber dog.**

 _Chisaku: Whatever, do you want some or not? *sip*_

 **Draco: I'll stick to alcohol. At least that stuff'll kill me faster.**


	47. Dark Void!

"Hrgh…!" Bow-Bow clenched his mouth, an upchuck battering at his throat. "Urgh…" Don't do it, man. You're in Peach's Castle. She's right there, man. "BWAAAARRRRGH!" And out comes the Dark Star as Bowser! ( **I think he got some on Peach's dress.** ) Gross.

"This body… Too weak…" Then go do some push-ups!

"Hey! Ugly! Stop copying my style!" Bowser shouted to the Edgy Bowser. "Though you are rocking the edgy look, it's mine!" Lunging forward with a sliding punch, Bow-Bow slammed his fist into air.

"Useless, Useless, Useless, Useless, Useless, Useless!" Dark Bowser broke out into a gaseous form, reforming by Peach, all the while shouting like a demented person. ( _Someone call me?_ ) Not you. "Power…" Whoa, he even stole the vacuum sucking ability? What a total copycat! ( _Oh man that really sucks_. **I'm going to gut you like a fish.** )

"Hey! Only I'm able to kidnap Peach!" Bow-Bow raised a fist again. "I'm the one who eats her out, not you!" Uh… Hold up, do we need to strike that as mature? ( _Uh… No._ **No. It doesn't matter.** ) "That came out wrong. That too. Whatever, PUNCHING THINGS!" Bowser lunged forward again, missing again! Go figure.

"I need...more…" Dark Bowser broke back down into his gaseous form, moving past Bowser and out the door of the room.

"What was up with that guy?"

"Bowser, chase after him!" Starlow shouted.

"I was going to, nobody copies my style! Or takes my Peach!"

"Be careful, that's the Dark Star!"

"That thing was the other tiny thing?"

"Yes, but it's not complete. Maybe it's searching for the rest of its power." Starlow replied, feeling anxious. "Watch yourself, we can't have you dying on us now."

"I'm not going to die to some stupid fake!" Of course! For he is the King of Beefiness! "I'm going to squash his mug!" Yeah! I bet he has #1 Edge Lord written on it! "I meant his face!" Oh.

Bowser gave chase to the Dark Star, it led Bow-Bow to outside of the castle, right to the front steps of the castle. "Where'd it go?"

"You're a nuisance."

"Uh… Was it just me or did I just hear that high pitched annoying voice?" Bowser turned to the floating saucer that took a likeness to a certain Lord. "Oh this thing again."

"I HAVE CHORTLES!" Somewhere, an Emo Author is fangasming. "You survived my Trashbot. But this time, I have a robot that will crush you for sure!" For sure? "I HAVE FURY! Now flat like a pancake you will be, and the chortle of victory I will have!" The machine floated back up, out of sight. But within an earshot, one more shout rang true. "YOU HAVE THE SQUISHING FURY!"

Bowser's jaw dropped as he witnessed Peach's Castle begin to transform before his very eyes. "You've gotta be f****ing kidding me!" Whoa! Language! "F**k you! I've been through this enough! I am not getting squashed again!"

 _ **Meanwhile, thousands of miles away!**_

"I think that's our cue to do our thing, Jr.!"

"We're gonna make Bowser big again?"

"Do you even need to ask at this point?"

"You're right. Let's go!"

 _ **Meanwhile, thousands of miles away!**_

"I'm gonna *** and then I'll ***** you so hard you'll never walk again! And then I'm gonna **** with your own hover thingy! I don't even know what that thing's called, but I'll do it!"

 **Le Squish**

That was the most dignified squishing sound I have ever heard in my life.

Bow-Bow would not remain squished for long however, as he soon began to grow like never before! (It's exactly like before.) His muscles rippled as they expanded with his body! (So did his stomach.) His majestic hair flowing in the- When did Bowser start using Rog**ne? Pretty sure his hair isn't supposed to be that long.

"-and when I'm finished no one will ever want to look at your disfigured face ever again- Hey, I'm big again… FAWFUL! I'm comin' for you!"

 _ **Meanwhile, thousands of miles away!**_

"What the hell happened here?!" The old granny chick asked.

"I have obtained the real power!" Was the response she got. "And now Bow-Bow will be having the utmost of fun as my newly designed Fawful castle tears him apart like the finely diced tomatoes of vengeance! All topped off with a lovely salad dressing of doom that is my greatness!"

"...What? Why are we talking about food?! And where's the other half of the Dark Star?!"

"Worry yourself, you need not. It will come to Fawful soon enough… I am feeling a burning sensation all of a sudden..."

 _ **Meanwhile, thousands of miles a-**_

"I will roast you like a turkey!"

"What the hell is this?! When did that oversized turtle get so big?! ARRGHHH! He's torching the castle! Do something about it!"

He also punched the castle, very, very hard.

Frontal defense systems activate!

After landing a devastating blow to the castle, a barrier formed around the mechanized creation, slowly cooling off the interior in the process. In an attempt to bring down Bowser, the mecha charged energy into a cannon located on its top, blasting it into the sky.

"Bwah!" A blast that Bowser promptly shot at with a fireball, sending it some distance behind the castle where it formed some of pseudo black hole. "That barrier ain't protecting you from these guns!"

With a swift punch, the castle was sent directly into the black hole thingy, Bowser's stallion-like locks waving majestically in the wind. The castle mecha's barrier quickly shut down as it tried to escape the swirling vortex, the darkness eating away at its health.

Move learnt!

The Castle vaulted out of the vortex, arms held forward with spikes on them. Launching for Bowser was the biggest mistake, the Koopa King played pong with the Castle, punching it back into the Vortex. "Gahahahaha! That's not going to work on me!"

Cloaking device activating. Success rate; 97%.

The Castle repeated its action, launching out again. That's not going to work! Unless you actually disappear before hitting Bowser, sure that's going to hurt. "Hrargh!" Bowser punched the air, hitting the Castle as it hit him, the both of them launching into their own vortexes.

Let this be checkmate!

The two vortexes moved in close to each other, Bow-Bow and the Castle staring at each other.

Who will die first? The Darkness will eat you first!

( _I love this thing, can we pleeeeaaaase keep it?_ **No. But you can have this baby void dragon instead. Just make sure it doesn't eat your face.** _I'm naming it Moby!_ ) Bow-Bow! You know what to do! Bowser pushed himself out of the Vortex in timing, the Castle pushed its arms out in a pattern, trying to anticipate when Bowser would attack only to fail each time. "TAKE THIS!" With one last lunge, the Castle crumbled, the vortexes dispersing and dropping both combatants back onto the ground. "OH YEAH BABY! THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE BURLY KING!" Go Bow-Bow! Yaaaay!

"Woah…" Bowser dropped back into his normal body, the strength leaving his arms, and hair. "Man, I was hoping for that to last a bit longer."

"Well, now that that's over with, maybe the Dark Star went back inside? Go check."

"Sure, sure, whatever. I want something else to bash in." Bowser felt his rage still building. "AFTER THAT COPYCAT!" (Huzzah!)

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: Congratulations, my friend, you are now the proud owner of a… Did you… Did you tame it ALREADY?**

 _Chisaku: Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? You are, yes you are Moby. I love you._

 **Draco: A demented pet for a demented mind. I bet you two would make the best serial killers. Next to me and Fluffy, of course.**

 _Chisaku: He's so adorable! I just love him!_

 **Draco: Only you would call a void dragon adorable. Well, whatever! To Paris for a celebration of your new friendship!**

 _Chisaku: Huzzah!_


	48. Let's BowBlade!

And so, on pressed Bow-Bow, chasing after the Dark Bowser clone into the now ruined castle. ( _You're so adorable, Mobi. You're a big boy now!_ **Still not as great as Aki.** ) "So Emo dude got a dragon to guard him now?" ( _Yes._ ) "Where am I in the line?" ( **Yes.** ) Bow-Bow grunted in anger. Pushing the thought away, he pushed on. Wait, Bowser has a brain? "I'M GOING TO MAKE A CERTAIN EMO INTO MY NEW WATCH!" Bowser wears watches? ( _He can read watches?_ **He knows how to put on a watch?** )

"I HAVE CHORTLES!" The voice of a Lord called from the room ahead, Bow-Bow pushed into… The conference room at the beginning of this story. Wow, we came full circle. "Your running speed compares to that of a sloth covered in molasses!"

"Shut up with the food jokes already!" A certain old lady shouted, floating down from above and taking a spot next to the lean mean green bean machine.

"I got beef with the Green Dude, but who are you Hag?"

"Who are you calling Hag?!" Somewhere, millions of people were feeling deja vu.

"Whatever, I'll just punch the lights out of both of you!" Bow-Bow winded up a punch, throwing his body forward in a lunge with his force.

Fawful let out a high-pitched giggle, in front of him ripped open a hole to the next dimension. Wait, does that mean Neptune and Nepgear can get home that way? "I HAVE PORTALS!"

"Wuh?!" Bowser faceplanted after falling for a couple feet. "HRGH!" Stomping on the ground as he got up, Bow-Bow was mad. Bow-Bow sma-I mean inhaled.

"Your suction does not affect me, the puniness of this suck is like a summer's breeze." Fawful laughed in Bowser's face.

"HRRAAAAAGH!" Woah, look at that suction go.

"Wha-?!" Arfoire felt herself beginning to draw closer to Bowser. "What...the hell...is he...doing?!"

"This power is different! How could a suction like this best the Great Fawful?!" (It doesn't! Grab the french fries, cause Chisaku is providing the salt!) Fawful was pulled into Bowser's range faster than Arfoire, in a quick throw, he grabbed the old hag and threw her into Bowser's mouth.

"You little-!" Thank god she went down the drain before we had to censor that. Geez, we don't need this to become any worse than it is.

"EWW!" Bowser coughed and hacked, his throat flaring up. "I think I swallowed 80-year-old hag."

"Uh…" I don't think you should comment on that. "That sentence happened, not!" Ok.

"Whatever, guns out, face in!" Bowser roared as he winded up a second punch, knowing that another portal would be opened to stop him. "Not gonna work this ti- Gwufah!" Apparently Fawful thought so, too, since the next portal was just big enough for Bowser's fist to go right into his own face. Well played little green man. "Knock that off and fight me like a man!" ( **Does Fawful even classify as a man?** ) Uh… ( _He is the most majestic of men there is!_ ) Uh… "Uh…" ( **Uh…** ) "I don't think men are supposed to look edible." Unless they're made of chocolate! "Chocolate…? Chocolate?! CHOCOLATES!" I think I found one of Bowser's buttons.

"I still have- Oof!" Right as Fawful was about to open another portal, Bowser went full Be***ade and tucked into his shell and let er rip. He quickly picked up speed and started spinning too wildly for Fawful to predict where the oversized turtle dragon bull ox minotaur chimera lizard salamander thinga mabober would end up next. "We have an impasse!" Does Bowser even know what that word means?

"I'm gonna get you eventually Fawful! You can't stop me now! Hell, I don't think I can stop me now." Wait, are you serious? "Someone took out the steering wheel and cut my breaks!"

"...I have confusion..." You have a steering wheel in there…? And who, or even how would someone cut the breaks inside of a shell. ( **...** _What? Stop looking at me!_ )

* * *

"You put your left foot in and your right foot out~ You do the hocus pocus-"

"Sis, I think it's hokey-"

"Hush Jr.! I'm cleverly circumventing the laws of copyright infringement." Evidently, Neptune has a greater vocabulary than King Bow-Bow.

"...Is that song even copyrighted?"

"Half of what we've referenced in this story is, I don't see why that wouldn't." This is true. "Say, do you hear screaming?"

Listening intently, Nepgear could confirm that she did indeed hear someone screaming. She could also confirm that Neptune's stomach could be quite loud when she was hungry, so putting those two facts side by side…

"I'm gonna kill that green midget!"

"What the goodness!" Nepgear looked all around all over to find the source of that voice, but to no avail. She would have spent forever looking, had she not suddenly remembered the one thing from key fact she'd learned from superhero video games and movies… They always come from above. "Is that who I think it is?!"

"You don't mean…" The falling figure eventually landed in front of the purple sisters, revealing it to be none other than "Stark Boar!" Pffffft.

"It's Arfoire!" Stark Boar sound so much more fitting though. "Shut up! You have no say in this!"

"Or was it Bar Whore?" Neptune pondered aloud. "Parkour!"

"That's not even a name!" The old witch shrieked. "It's like you're just trying to piss me off!" In a flash, the older woman summoned a spear to her hands with which to impale people with. "Just for that I'm sending you straight to hell!"

"You leave my sister alone!" Nepgear boldly declared, a fire unlike any other burning in her eyes. "If you want to get to Neptune, you'll have to get through me first!"

"Don't worry, I'm feeling very generous today! I'll send you to purgatory alongside your beloved older sister!" Things quickly began to heat up and get intense as the two-

"Nah. Ham's good and all, but I'm kind of in the mood for Chinese." As Neptune didn't even give a sh*t and was more interested in what to have for dinner. "Hey Jr.? You okay with Chinese for dinner?"

"S-sis, we're supposed to be fighting right now, so…"

"I'll take that as a yes, then!" Neptune cheered, taking her stance with a sword held by her side. This chapter's blade will be… The titan blade known as the Cl**d St***e's Bus**r Sword! However, the CPU expressed her disappointed by the blade as she charged the eggplant witch. "Dang! I was hoping for a smaller sword!" She swung the giant blade at the witch's torso, but Arfoire dodged it at the last second with a well-timed jump backwards.

Nepgear charged forward as well, slashing at the witch with her laser sword. Her strike was redirected by the blade of Arfoire's spear. Just before the witch could counter though, Neptune flipped forward and slammed her blade down with her good arm. Sadly, her attack wasn't quite nearly as strong as she would have liked, seeing as how her other arm was still broken and all, but she kept going anyway!

Nepgear would advance and lock Arfoire into close quarters combat, while Neptune maneuvered around to try and land a solid, heavy slash against the witch. In that sense, Nepgear made up for Neptune's current lack of speed while Neptune made up for Nepgear's lack of power. However, Arfoire was no small-time Underling and figured out their style easily enough and adjusted her battle style accordingly.

"Hah! If you two keep going like that, then I'll just do this!" Taking advantage of the fact that she could still fly, the witch took to the sky and rained down several magical attacks at the sisters from above, forcing them to go on the defense and kicking up a great deal of… Dust… or whatever Bowser inhaled that looked like it. "As if either of you can win without your Goddess forms! This'll be a breeze for m-" Arfoire was interrupted in the form of a glowing, blue sword shooting past her cheek, cutting her slightly in the process.

"And if you think that's all we've got, then you're sorely mistaken!" Nepgear's voice called out from within the dust cloud. All of a sudden, a purple blur jumped up to face Arfoire. It was Neptune, but with her giant, slow weapon, Arfoire was more than ready to-

"What the- Gah!" Or at least she would have been, had Neptune actually been using the giant sword. Instead, Arfoire was assaulted by a super fast flurry of attacks. "So you switched weapons to catch me off guard? Hah! Not a bad move!"

"Why, thank you very much, Bar Whore!" Neptune mocked as she fell back to the ground and back into the dust cloud.

"I swear I'll rip off that mouth of your if it's the last thing I do!" In a fit of anger, the witch charged towards the spot Neptune fell into with her spear ready to impale. The dust blew away because of her assault, revealing Neptune's form. "Hah! I knew you'd switch again! So predictable!"

As the dust flew away, Neptune stood with her giant sword in hand, ready for battle. Arfoire did not hesitate to go in for a powerful attack in an attempt to overpower the purple CPU, but as her blade connected, Neptune did not falter, only buckling slightly from the attack.

"What?!" In retaliation, Neptune pushed the witch back with even greater strength than before, sending her flying backwards. But she wasn't done there. The purple CPU pointed her sword forward, a set of four blue sword appearing above her that rocketed towards Arfoire, blasting her out of the sky and tumbling to the ground! "Argh! How?!"

"Heheheh!" Neptune chuckled to herself, slinging the back of her sword onto her shoulder with little effort. "Tsk tsk, Arfy. You should know better than to try and fight us two sisters."

"She's right." Nepgear agreed, taking a spot beside her sister, once more holding her own beam sword. "Sis is a lot stronger than me, and she even has more stamina, too. That's why I learned magic to help support her first and foremost."

"Heheh! We sisters compliment each other perfectly!" Neptune declared with a proud grin. "And if you think I'm a pain to deal with now, just you wait! Cause this chapter's at the end!"

"You've gotta be freaking-"

* * *

 **A/N(?)**

 **Draco: Huzzah for fight scenes! Time for drinks!**

 _Chisaku: Good stuff, yo._


End file.
